How do i deal with my parents?

Question

I'm in my early 20's, my parents have been divorced for 15 years, and over the past 5 years of them both meeting their new partners, they have made a lot of promises to me that they haven't kept and have been persuaded by their partners to act in less than loving ways.

My mom left when I was 7 and my dad was primary caregiver. Now that my dad is with his new partner, it's like he doesn't care.

For example, last year after i graduated university and had not found a job yet, i had NO money and neither of them offered up their homes even temporarily because both of their partners didn't want that. When I had no food to eat & was really hungry, my mom never believed me & told me to go to a food bank.

Now I got into grad school and I need their financial support; they don't want to give it to me because they have "other" things to pay for. I realize i'm not a child anymore but this still really hurts.

I feel like I'm begging them to love me and care for me.

what can i do?

Answer 1

Stop.  You have been begging for their attention long enough to realize it isn't working so why are you continuing?  Apply for federal grants and loans, get a job and support yourself.  Not every child is raised with two loving, doting parents that support them in every way possible.  That's a fantasy made up by television, reality is that many of us have parents that are financially strapped, selfish, lost, wrapped up in their own worlds and not exactly ready to accept us with open arms like the Cosbys.  Accept what love they give you, don't go out of your way for them and find your own place in life, make your own life, find your own happiness because if you wait for your parents to do it you'll be sadly disappointed.

Answer 2

So stop begging and do it all on your own.  people have done it all the time.  

If they are not helping you, find a way to do by yourself...  Get part time jobs and go to a food bank if you need to.  finish school with financial aid, any and all that you can get without having to take a loan out.

if they are that toxic, then maybe you do not need the around.

Answer 3

You are no longer a child you are an adult in your early 20's.  You graduated college.  Grad school is your decision as an adult.  As an adult you must learn to budget.  If you cannot afford grad school maybe you should try and gain some experience first.  Try out for some scholarships and interships.  Don't blame your parents for not having money for your education.  Find a job.

Offer their home?  OR a place to stay?  Legally children cannot be kicked out of the house until 21.  After 21 you have resided there, you get mail there, you are officially an occupant there, your parents would have to legally evict you.  That means they have to file papers and such and they will show you an eviction notice.  

Your 20 something make yourself some food in the kitchen.  Get yourself a job and feed your college educated self.  

You can't buy food and you are hungry but you have enough money to look for grad school?

Answer 4

Honey, you don't need them!  There are financial aides and grants out there that will help pay for your education and you should be able to provide housing and keep a PT job while you attend school.  The grants will pay for housing and your education.  Let them keep their heads up their new partners' butts...you're better than them!  You don't need them!

I don't understand parents that expect their kids to further their educations, but don't want to man up and foot the bill.  I don't understand parents that choose a piece of booty over their kids either!  In my opinion, they're NOT parents...they're DONORS!  

I have two boys and it's my uttmost desire for them to further their educations, land good jobs and be SUCCESSFUL, productive members of society.  I'll do whatever I can, and by whatever means necessary, to make this dream a reality for them!  Your kids are the world!!  They're our future!  As I tell my hubby...you don't take care of your kids when they're young, they're not going to wipe your butt when you're old and decrepid!  He doesn't get it either...again, mind you DONORS don't!

Kudos to you for working so hard, for not giving in...but don't feel as if you must beg for love and attention.  Honey, you SHOW them that you can stand on your own two feet with or without them!  One day, they'll be running to you...and you can either give them a dose of their own medicine, or be better than they ever were...either way, you'll know YOU are the reason for your success and they don't matter!

I wish you the best of luck in everything you do.  Find the grants...some are free, some you pay back after you graduate...either way, you can do it!  God bless you, Darlin'...Always!

Answer 5

I am from Asian county but living here in USA and that always surprising me when I see this kind of problem.Parents supposed to support their child every way they can.We have some mothers who wouldn't care about herself and feed their children first.May be she would not eat anything but she will never forget to feed her children no matter what.So children does see these things what their parents did for them and how hardship they took in order to raise their children.I would blame American social structure where parents also needs to grow up themselves first,but children also have to show their respect and emotion to them that they do care and ready and willing to do anything for them.Also this is my personal thought that no one shouldn't become parent if themselves have also child like quality.specially Teen parents is not really good idea for me.Please forgive me if I have any grammer mistake here.Thanks.

Answer 6

maybe they really don't have the money.  i plan to help my son finacially during his undergrad studies, i just don't know if i can help him furthur his education into the masters program.  

i think if you want a masters  you should find a way to pay for it.

sometimes if you go part time your employer will share the cost, they have grants, scholarships, loans out there for this purpose.  

as for shelter and food, i think that is so wrong.

Answer 7

I know a lot of people whose parents don't help wth grad school ...  sometimes they could have and sometimes not ...  you chose grad school ...  there are assistanceships and grants and loans if all else fails ...  most people i know who had to work for college built a lot of charater doing it ...  I am personally looking to grad school ...  both of my parents and all of my grandparents are dead ...  and I know I will make my dreams happen no matter what ...

I learned the hard way (through uncaring guardians) that financial support is NOT the main or only way a parent shows care and support and it is NOT the biggest thing you need from them ...  if you want a happy relationship with them, you need to ditch the money issue ...

get a part time job and save up ...  you need to be prepared for financial surprises in life so you should plan now ...

for your parents ...  I say get all of the grants and scholarships and whatever else you need for grad school ...  have them over for dinner without their significant others ...  show them how hard you worked and demand that they make you feel important again ...  let them know you respect their desire to enjoy their lives, but you are tired of feeling like you are a burden to them ...  and let them know you are willing to have the same talk with their significant others - they chose partners with a kid - they need to respect that relationship and work towards a balance so that everyone is happy ...

as for temporary housing ...  was it just you expecting their house to be open to another adult?  or was it a "i need a place for 6 weeks and I'm outta here" kinda deal?