How do i deal with the death of my manager?

Question

She has only been my manager for maybe two months, she wasn't too involved with her employees, b/c she was working part-time due to health issue, but I think I should feel sad and I do but should I be crying like others are and i don't feel i should use my vacation time to go to her funeral.

Answer 1

Do what you think is right. You may not have been attached to her or know her that well, but when your friends and employees are mourning, you should mourn with them. And it'd be nice to pay your last respects to her. But do what you think is correct.

Answer 2

Think social and implement, don't cry

Answer 3

People cry about sad stuff when they feel to cry. It's not a decision they. If you don't feel it, don't fake it...

Regarding the funeral, if you feel that you should go, then go. But don't go just because others are going. Funerals are for those who want to say goodbye to someone being buried. If you don't feel it, don't fake it. Simple as that.

Answer 4

not everybody is the same.and of course nobody expects you to be emotional.. or to cry.. . you should not go if you don't want to.. she probably was a well liked manager and they miss her.. she made that impact on people quickly.. she must have been a fair manager and a great person.. so I understand that the others built up an attachment to her quickly.. you can't be forced to go... if you dont want to.. .. I don't know what impact that will have in the future with your co-workers..nobody can force you and should not make you feel guilty for not going but they might.. cut you off after your holiday.. and treay you as an outsider and your work atmosphere will suffer.. . so you have to weigh in the balance what is more important.. to keep ''peace with your co-workers and go even if this is 1 hour out of your holiday you have to give up for going to the funeral.. you don[t have to go to the house.. or if you want to not go at all.. and risk to be ousted when you get back from your holidays and the others won't talk to you... and they just act as if you dont exist..that is immature and it's unprofessional I know. but I would weigh this in the balance if I was you.. a funeral service doesn't take long.. to buy some flowers .. they are not expensive. and then to give sympathies to the immediate family and go home and resume your holiday would not really cut out a big amount of your time... unless you will go away during your vacation then you won't be there...and cannot attend the funeral xx

Answer 5

Your co-workers may have known her better and feel more emotional.

If you don't feel sad, you don't, and there is no need to pretend you do. JUst be respectful and keep in mind that other people at your work might be more upset than you feel.

Attending the funeral service would take about two hours, and it is a mark of respect.

In a workplace, especially if the person was well liked, people do tend to notice if some people are not respectful.

If you want to get ahead in your job, go to the service, you can leave immediately after, saying you have another engagement.

Regarding your co-workers who also did not know here well, it sounds like they are enjoying the drama. If they bring it up, just say 'it is very sad, she was a lovely person' and leave it at that. There is NO way that can be criticised.

Don't get into the drama of it. They do not think you are rude, they just want to gossip.

Answer 6

You cant force yourself to cry for someone you barely knew.  If the company allows a slot of time during working hours to go to the funeral, you may want to go to be poliet make an appearance, not stay all afternoon.  If you'd rather send the family a sympathy card instread, and not go to the funeral that would be acceptable too.

Answer 7

I think your reaction is very normal.  Your coworkers may be having a normal reaction too, for them, or they may be indulging in some drama.  Just volunteer to "hold down the fort" at work while the people "who knew her so much better than me" go to her funeral.  If you need more do the whole: I'll be thinking of her while I work / working is the best way for me to honor her thing.  I don't mean to sound cold but I also don't have strong emotional reactions, especially right away, and it can just be so much easier to tell people what they want to hear.  Then deal with her death in any way that makes sense to you.

Answer 8

You only need to go to the wake not the funeral. Wakes are at night so stop by and pay your respects for at least a half an hour and that's all you need top do. Just be sad for them,but you don't have to cry. We all deal with it in different ways. Good luck.

Answer 9

First off, don't worry if you don't feel like crying. We all feel sad when someone dies, but it hits some people harder than others. If you want to cry, cry. If you don't, don't worry about it.

I have to say I am surprised that your employer is not giving everyone time off for the funeral. Every employer I have ever had has given time off only for family or close friends, but has stretched the rules when someone in the organization has died. Heck, we got time off when someone we worked with lost her husband! If you are being told you can only go if you use your vacation, then don't feel you need to go. If they should change it and allow people time off without penalty, then maybe you could just pop by briefly and pay your respects to her family and then go back to work. Funerals are a way to say goodbye to people who are gone, and get on with our mourning process. That makes them optional.

There are only a couple of things I would suggest you do if you are able. One is if your co-workers are sending a card or flowers, be sure to sign the card, and if you can, donate a bit of money to the flower fund. It doesn't have to be a big deal. If you can afford $5, do that. If not, do $3. If you have no money to spare, simply sign the card in a heartfelt manner, and leave it at that. The other would be to not pretend to be sad when you aren't, but to also respect that you are around people who are very sad. You only worked with her briefly, and that brevity is probably part of why you aren't terribly sad. Someone who worked with her for years, and was around when she first got sick, and has seen the whole thing from beginning to end probably feels much sadder. Try and keep that in mind so you don't offend someone. I remember once attending the funeral of a woman who worked in our organization at another location. Those of us who knew her were given time off to go to her funeral. A woman who didn't know her, and who didn't go the the funeral, brought cupcakes the next day and told us all to stop acting like it was the end of the world. The fact is, we knew it wasn't the end of the world, but we wanted some time to get used to the idea that our friend was gone. So just be mindful of that.

It's a hard situation. I wish you the best.