How do i deal with those who torment me without feeling aggressive ?

Question

present situation :

i live in a one bedroom flat in the north of england , on disability benefits, i own nothing except an old computer - got no carpets on my floor, a shabby bed etc. i suffer with borderline personality disorder and post traumatic stress - im waiting to hear if i will get group therapy ; my main problems are severe low self worth , rage and aggression and aggraphobia and anxiety, i have social problems forming friendships or relationships with people.

about my history :

ive had a severe hard life, suffered severe abuse, bullying , victimisation, bad times , assaults , head injuries , homelessness , time in a psychiatric hospital , over a time span 0f 16 years , since the age of 16.

ive missed out on most things in life people take for granted : forming any relationships with anyone . never been employed , spent all my life on disability , never got an education , never got any qualifications.

have a minor criminal record for an assault and carrying a knife when i lived in a rough neiborhood, and i was being targeted by local thugs.

obviously have a psychiatric record to.

i used to have outbursts of rage years ago in public places, where id lose control and lash out at people, not something i planned but i would get a build up of paranoia and pressure in my head whilst outside then explode.

but i dont do that anymore , ive managed my rage for years without therapy.

i also unfortunatly havent had consistant therapy over the years, the system failed me so i havent had the help i needed.

what i want for my future :

im now 30 and would like to achieve a normal happy life, to have friends that i choose, a good paying job in computers , a secure life and most importantly ; i want to emigrate from the united kingdom to somewhere hot , somewhere quiet and coastal by the sea, to find a loving senorita or a loving, partner to share my life with.

thats it.

most people when i talk about these desired ambitions put them down, or tell me their beyond my reach and patronisingly say '' i have to be realistic '' '' everybody wants those things but not everybody gets them ''

that ill find it '' impossible '' in my situation at my disadvantages.

its mainly brits who keep on telling me that - other people from elsewhere usually have a more optimistic view towards me.

its like theres a conspiracy where the brits are trying to keep me here against my will ( paranoia keeps creeping in )

all i know is i desperatly want to achieve those goals and leave the uk.

do i have any chance ?

theres people here who keep psychologically tormenting me , who condescendingly say to me all the time '' those goals are beyond my reach in my situation ''

and that i have to think '' realistically '' - then when i react aggressive , theyrun off back into the woodwork as if happy with their work - happy that theyve managed to destabilize me.

they constantly conduct mind games and mentally torment me, then when i get aggressive they make me out to be the bad guy.

how do i handle this ? also , can i reach my ambitions still ?

Answer 1

i h8 people who say you goals are to high or what ever.

this is going to sound weird

start going to church. You make good friends there people who don't judge for what you do, your past or anything.

Trust me you can find true friends who are easy to talk to.

In the church you can find role models people to look and care for you. they can give you support everything you need there like the family you never had.

Then from there start going out for walks, clear your head and have a goal a challenege for the day. Go to the job centre. Maybe you could arrange for someone in the church to go with ou.

You might not get a job striaght away no one ever does just brush your self off and try again.

you could find a job doing something you like maybe sports? working with children, art.

Or you could work from home

i no this sounds totally weird but worked for my family they were pretty worst of than you any for questions email me...

.... i can't believe i just wrote this much for one question lol

i dunno whats happening to me

Answer 2

First of all, nothing is impossible.  There's no reason why you can't achieve the things you want to.

Rage often comes when you feel that you have no control over a situation.  If you're getting aggressive or angry at people it could be because you feel that they have control over your life - over your choices and decisions, and that they're preventing you from achieving things, but this is not true.  Try and stop thinking about other people being obstacles to your goals and just focus on the things you want to do and start doing them!

From what you've said, you've obviously had, and have, a lot of things going on that are quite challenging, but you know - we all do in a way.  It's all relative!  Start by setting yourself small goals and taking the steps to achieve them.  This will give you a feeling of satisfaction and start to boost your self-esteem.  (Choose a book from the library, and set yourself the goal of finishing it; decide that, say on Thursday you're going to tidy your room, or clean the kitchen, and stick to it etc.)

Try and meet some new people, in whichever way you feel comfortable.  It's very important not to isolate yourself and to try and have regular interaction with other people.  There might be a coffee morning at your local Church, or look in your local paper for weekly clubs/activities that you could join.

Bit by bit things will start coming together.

Do you have a key-worker?  If not ask your GP about what support is available to you through social services - it might make life a bit easier.

Answer 3

Hello.....I'm so sorry to hear of your rough start in life.....

you haven't really mentioned if you are on medication.  If you're not maybe you could chat to your GP regarding this.  Don't feel if you start a course you are giving in, far from it, you are making a positive mark on your life, you are taking control.

Let's look at it this way, you are now 30, why not say this is when you are now born? this is the start of your life. Your life on how you want to live it.

Your dream of living abroad, now this might be a little tricky as in many countries you have to prove that you can provide for yourself.  If you need medication on a regular basis, doctors appointments etc you need a good wage to show for this.

What about starting a college course?  make a plan, buy a planner and start writing down where in what month/year you want to be.  Have a goal to reach.  take small steps instead of giant leaps.  

now, I would like you to think of something nice, something that makes you smile, it maybe a memory, a smell, a record, everytime you feel a little uptight, feel angry, feel tearful, feel someone is knocking you down, just close your eyes and think of this memory, describe it to yourself again and again, then when you feel ready open your eyes and you will realise that things aren't that bad. Honestly!

Depression is a terrible thing, I have suffered, my mother when she was alive was so tormented in her world.  I now take anti-depression tablets, I will be on these for the rest of my life (I'm 40 now) one tablet every day, they make me feel normal (what is normal?) I was so determined not to rely on medication but what the heck.  I can tackle whatever is thrown at me and I can live a life.  I now work with children with special needs, mainly Autism.  

Read this book - FEEL THE FEAR BUT DO IT ANYWAY by Susan Jeffers  it helped me

good luck!

remember, hold on to your dreams......xxxxxx

Answer 4

Yes, you have options available.

^^

There are always exceptions, mate - it's up to you to find yours.

Answer 5

bAD KARMA - Do what the girl above says join a church. Not only will you meet new people, you'll have guidance and support without people judging you. I know this is all bible bashing etc... but God said ''It is harder for a camel to enter through the eye of a needle than a rich man to enter the kingdom of God''. So in a way your lucky.

Answer 6

The old saying is " Where there is a will, there is a way", you can fulfill your ambitions no matter what they say,  and Jesus said what is impossible to man is possible to God,