How do i get my boyfriends full time daughter to listen?

Question

my boyfriend has full custody of his 7 yo daughter. She rarely sees her mom & has never really had a stable home to live in. weve been together for about 6 mo now & for the last 4 mo weve been living together. i'm constantly dealing with her not listening when shes asked/told to do something. shes a very bright girl & knows too much for her age so i have a real problem with her attitude and her mouthing off to me. She doesnt act that way around her dad but when its just the 2 of us she diliberatly acts up. im always having to say things 10 times to her and still shes unresponsive, its very frustrating. even when she asks a question and you answer her she doesnt pay attention and will ask again 5 min later even though u told her the answer 3 times prior. she is alwasy doing what she knows she shoudlnt when her dad isnt there & then gets mad at me when i tellhim things. ive started taking privledges away when she doesnt listen & explaining why but it hasnt seemed to make a difference

Answer 1

Take it easy Cruella ... relax a bit and have some fun with her and maybe she'll respond better to you.  Sounds like you've come in a bit heavy, no?  Put yourself in her shoes.  Who the heck are you to come into MY house and start bossing ME around!!!  You're dealing with a 7 year old here, be the bigger person.  Be the adult here.  Besides, it's not your responsibility to dole out punishment or chores in this household, that's her father's job.  

It's your job to prove yourself to her, NOT the ohter way around.

Answer 2

You don't!!!!  6 months?   You're still a flash in the pan.  It is not your job to discipline her, teach her, answer her questions, or even be anything at all to her..... or anything else.....

She's got your number and knows exactly what irritates you... and she's hoping to end your relationship with him..... just like she did with the the others..

You have taken the bait, sweets.

If you wish your relationship with him to continue, write.  If you don't really care, this little girl will end it for you.

Answer 3

If she isn't listening to you and your BF isn't doing anything to help back you up then you should not be taking care of her by yourself. If he's not backing you up then nothing that you try to do will work.

Answer 4

Sounds like a typical 7 yr old to me. You tell them no and they ask again in 5 minutes. They deliberately do things they know they shouldn't. And they hate tattling unless they are the ones doing it. But to answer your question you do nothing. you have NO right to take things away from this child or discipline her. You have been in her life for no equitable time. You haven't even been around as long as her Christmas presents. There is no kid in this world that is going to listen to adult with that criteria. She has no idea if your even going to be in her life next week. And she knows d**n well you weren't in it 7 months ago. Why should she listen to you? Your an unfriendly, unwelcome person in her mind who is trying to change her life and her family.

Answer 5

"my boyfriends full-time daughter"...........did you expect his child to be a "part-time" daughter? Geez!

You should not be disciplining her at all! You are the GIRLFRIEND!! What part of that do you not understand?

You sound like a child........"she gets mad at me when I tell him things." Did it ever occur to you that she may not like you (just as you obviously do not like her) and she is sick of you (a girlfriend) getting her in trouble with her FATHER?

Also, she is 7........not an adult! She has been through alot for such a young age. Do you want her to be perfect? Do you expect to see a change overnight? 4 months and you are complaining about his child!! She did not choose this living situation........YOU DID!

Welcome to her the world of living with a single parent. Maybe you should move out since you are not doing any good for this child by living with her father.

AMEN VOLKS!!!!!

Answer 6

Talk to her dad, explain the problem to him and if he does nothing then take action..

take something really important to her away.

its sounds harsh but you have to hit her where it hurts the most..

Answer 7

Well, she's had her parents split up, and you didn't see what went on at the time, or how she interpreted what she went through.

But - reasons are not excuses, so you need to address this right now for everyone's sake.

Get your boyfriend on his own and tell him all about it. Have a word at her school, as well - they're used to dealing with kids' problems, so get them on side.

She's probably using you to take out her resentment towards her mother; what did that lady tell her about you?

Don't engage in battles, though, that's playng it her way. Just lock up the breakables, turn away from bad behaviour and let her know that if she wants to be unpleasant she's on her own. Silence will pull the emotional rug from under her.

Be supportive when she turns to you, though - the poor kid needs you.

Good luck!

Answer 8

I do not agree with Volks..If she is left in your custody then you have the right to tell her what to do and she needs to listen to you..your boyfriend needs to talk to her about listening and respecting you..she is 7 and they dont seem to listen from the age of 2 to 18...Good luck..just be consistent and if you threaten her with something ALWAYS follow through

Answer 9

It’s only been four months so it’s going to be a little hard on her, I have a 7 year old daughter that’s my biological daughter and a 15 year old daughter that I have raised as my own since she was 4. My younger daughter has some days when she acts just like you described. The only way I can get her to listen is ground her to her room for a day, no TV, video games, computer. That works pretty well but keep in mind she is only 7 and you stepping in and filling the role of mom is new to her. She may have some fear that you are taking daddy away from her. It will be many moons before she will accept you as someone she must obey but stick with it. You are dating a single dad and he is caught in the middle, I’m sure he loves you but she is his little girl and I can tell you NOTHING will come between me and my girls. Just be patient and nice to the young lady she will come around and things will work out it just takes time.

Answer 10

You don't.  

You're not her mother.  You're not even her stepmother.  Heck, you haven't even been in the picture that long.  

Leave the parenting to her father.  If she is acting disrespectfully, HE should be the one to take care of that.  You simply don't have the right.

Answer 11

If she is left in your care, just like any other babysitter you should have the right to expect her to mind you. But, don't go overboard with lists of things to do.  You have not been with him very long but, if he loves you he will back you up. She is only 7, and she is going to have issues with the mom not being very involved, major abandonment issues. Try to be understanding she is hurting in a major way. If you can't ....LEAVE.