How do i get my mom to stop!!!?

Question

i was with my ex jarred for two years, then i get pregnant.. and he left me and said he hopes me and the baby die.. his mom and dad came over to talk to my parents and said they do not want to be grandparents and havent came to any doctor visits.... now my mom is planning my baby shower, and told me she is inviting them.. and i said no! and for her to stop, but she wont tell me if she already mailed them or if she still is! how do i get her to stop.. i doubt they'll come anyway, but i feel like if they don't care, why even invite them.. right? and jarred has a new girlfriend, what if he shows up with her just to be a d**k? my moms like if they come they come, but i think my family would look like a pack of idiots if we do invite them because they made it clear his family and him want no part in the baby's life! how do i make her stop?!??!

Answer 1

If the family wants no part in the babys life then Jarreds parents will refuse the offer but have fond opinions of your mom for inviting them in the first place. But your mom was just trying to do a nice thing. If you REALLY don't want them to go have a heart to heart conversation with your mom (cry a little) if that doesn't work, then you can write your own letter to Jarreds parents telling them they can go, but if they want no part in the babys life then they shouldn't.

Answer 2

Dont worry about what they think. But its your childs grandparents and father. If they have had time to think about it and come around to the idea then they need to be a part of the childs life. For your child's sake you should make every effort you can, that way when your child is crying in your arms one day because s/he has no dad, you can rest assured that you did your part as his or her mom to promote a relationship with the other family. Plus the more people come, the more you get. Its only for a few hours at most, you will survive. If any of them show up, pretend it doesnt bother you and that you have it ALL together and are happy as heck about the whole situation. Enjoy your day and dont let them make you forget who the party is for. Its your day.

Answer 3

I say let her invite them.  I assume you are going to pursue child support?

Answer 4

i think that is really unfair to you. if they come it will just cause you un needed stress . this should be a happy time and your shower should be memorable  for you. Im sorry that your mom wont listen to you about this. my only suggestion is, if you cannot sway her , that this will only hurt you..reguardless of the extra gifts or not, just pray that they dont come, and if they do. ignore them as if they dont exist. the same way they plan on ignoring this baby. thats the treatment they deserve.

best of luck .

Answer 5

Your mom is doing the right thing by inviting them.  She's showing them that they have the chance to be part of the baby's life.  If they don't come, then it's their loss.  But, you are being the bigger person.

Answer 6

i say if your old enough to have a baby you are should be able to stand up and make up your own mind and tell her what you want

Answer 7

I am quite shocked that your mom would WANT them around you and your child after he said he hopes you and the baby die! maybe she doesnt know just how strongly you really feel about it. The best gift my daughters sperm donor ever gave to her and I was choosing not to be in her life. It was a actually a blessing sad to say. He was no kind of father, in and out of jail, mentally unstable (i dont just say that to be mean, he was certifiable).  maybe you can get  your mom to see that it might be the best thing he could ever do for her. My husband assumed daddy to my daughter and she is soooo happy and has such a normal life. Its wonderful!

Answer 8

There's not much you can do about it. Your ex will look like an *** and so will his parents. One day, they will feel terribly guilty for leaving your baby. Who needs them anyways? Chances are they won't come, but there's not much wrong with trying. Relax...and take care of your baby. You're going to do just fine.

Answer 9

Stuff 'em!  Whether they like it or not, their son has a responsibility towards the baby and should certainly be required to pay child support.  If they want nothing to do with the baby, that's their choice, but it will be them that lose out in the end.  Enjoy your baby shower and don't worry about them. Your mother did the right thing in inviting them but I have a feeling they won't turn up.

Answer 10

If she wants to invite them then let her. it could be some kind of ploy to make them realise exactly what their son has done and the responsibility he now has a part of for the rest of his life and theirs. if they show up then they show up, if they don't then they don't. it's their choice. being a mum is a big responsibility especially with a guy like that who doesn't want the responsibility but with child support these days he will have to take the responsibility of caring for the child even if he doesn't want a part of it's life. let the grandparents turn up.

Answer 11

its ur baby shower not ur parents, tell them what you want not the ther way round!!!!

its ur time not theres!

Answer 12

you just need to tell her that you do not want them there and it is your decision, not hers.

Answer 13

Well like you said they probably won't come so who cares.Just take care of yourself.If your ex comes and acts like a d**k then tell your parents and if they do nothing then call the cops.Maybe you should get a restraining order on him.You don't have to have his name on the birth certificate.

Answer 14

You have several different issues to deal with here.

First of all, Jarred needs to know that he will be responsible for child support. Once the baby is born, I strongly suggest you go to court and get a support order. Let him know that you will be putting his name on the birth certificate and that you won't be letting him off the hook for his responsibilities.

Secondly, regardless of how you feel about Jarred and his family, you should never try to hide information about them from your child. They are part of your child's family - part of who your child is.

Third, I would recommend that you always leave the door open for him and his parents to change their mind and decide to be part of the child's life. In fact, if they come to terms with having a grand child, they may be a great source for clothes and other things your baby needs. I would even go so far as to say that you should send them pictures from time to time with a letter about the child's development. Even if they return them, you are leaving the door open for them to be part of your baby's life.

Finally, I don't think it's "wrong" to invite them to the baby shower, but I do think your mom should have asked you first since the baby shower is more for you than the baby. That being said, since the invitations may have already been sent out, don't worry about it. If they show up, be happy that they have changed their minds.

Answer 15

s***w them....they probably wont come anyways, but if they do thats just more presents for your baby!

dont sweat it.

Answer 16

I would let my mother know that I was contacting everyone else on the list and telling them the shower is canceled.

Tell Mom not to spend any money on snacks.

Tell her that it was to be YOUR shower and YOUR wishes should have been respected.

If she insists on having the shower, make sure she knows that you don't plan to be there.

The people coming to your shower should be people who are supportive and happy for you.  Not people who wish you and the baby would die, or people who don't want to be grandparents.

If she already mailed the invitations, then she needs to fix it by canceling it,  rescheduling it for another day, and allowing you to approve the guest list.

Answer 17

Wow, you have a lot to deal with. If your mom will not respect you wishes then go away the day of the shower. I hope you r mother will learn to respect your boundaries in time, but if she won't then you have to take action. Maybe you would want to be else where instead of the shower. Have a plan "B", an alternative to seeing your idiot ex. I am sad that you were treated so badly by him and his parents. This is a tough situation. Good luck!

Answer 18

you need to stop your mums controlling behaviour now.. if the people turn up just walk out its not much of a shower if your not there. its your mums behaviour that i am concerned about.. stop it now or risk her taking over once your baby is born.

Answer 19

Your mother sounds like a good woman who wants to give the other grandparents-to-be the benefit of doubt. Learn from her example. Like you said, it's highly doubtful that they will even come. If they do it's YOUR baby shower and they are guests, nothing more than that. Just make sure that Jarred pays child support. Regardless of his involvement in YOUR baby's life, he will still owe it money.

Answer 20

How old are you? Edit that in and then I will post to this!

Well, I guess it depends on your moms motives. IS she doing it to be nice and because it is the right thing to do, or is it to "kill your enemies with kindness" kind of thing.....

No matter what jarred can't change what happened, HE IS GOING TO BE A DAD like it or not!

He needs to man up and care for his baby!

Him saying that he hopes you and the baby die is REALLY IMMATURE!

I think you just need to sit back and say whatever......

You can't stop your mom......and you can't change the behaivor of jarreds family!

But you CAN control the life that your baby has!

Focus on that baby!

Best wishes to you hun!

Hang in there...life is about to get crazy!!!

Answer 21

I would say to let your mom invite them..infact if I encourage that you invite them..when your baby gets older and he becomes a man and tries to see the kid and when his stupid parents get over themselves then they will be sorry..take the high road and be classy..you will always be able to tell your baby that you tried..and thats the point.he/she will respect you for that:) besides now that you are going to be a mommy u need to think of whats best for the baby.and if swallowing that pride and inviting the dad is what you have to do to at least to attempt to give that baby a dad...thats what you need to do..

Answer 22

Just tell her that its your life and your baby and that you don't want Jared's parents there even if they want to come. Tell her that they hurt your feelings when they said they didn't want any part of you or your babies life. That will most likely get her to stop contacting them.

Answer 23

I think it actually shows that you are the bigger person in this whole mess if they are invited. If they do (for some reason) show up just say thank you for coming- you don't have to actually make conversation with them or anything. You want to give them plenty of opportunities to be in this child's life. They may realize what jerks they've been, and if not you don't want to take any blame for their not being a part of things. Your family is in no danger of looking like idiots- jarred and his family look like the pack of idiots for their reactions and behaviors toward you.

Answer 24

Your mom is taking the high road - and she's doing the classy thing by inviting them.  If they show up and act like a bunch of asses, then that only reflects poorly on them, not on you or your mom.  In fact it will make your family shine in comparison to his family.  They probably won't come anyway so don't even worry about it.

Answer 25

Don't worry about charging him with rape, thats just about as F'ed up as what he did to you. just sue him for child support. What his family doesn't realise is that evemn though they dont want to be in the babies life, they have no choice in the matter. If you want your mom to stop doing things, then tell her to stop. It is your life, she needs to understand that. Good Luck and I hope you find refuge.

Answer 26

i don't know how your mom is , but I do advise this......... our parents (most anyway) do have more wisdom than us, sometimes they don't always use their best judgment, but just trust her on this one, and see what happens, because best case scenario, a child can never have too many people in their life that love them you know?

Answer 27

Make it clear to her that that boy will not be involved with you and the baby. Cheers to you, it seems you will be a great mother by the way you are talking in this...no idea but I sense it. As for your mom, it will take her time to adjust because she may have never pictured her first grandchild being fatherless. So give her some time to soak it, and in this process she will do things like this. Ask your father too or any close friend to talk with her and to tell her that everything will be alright. That guy was an idiot clearly to have left his responsibility and his parents are rude too...sad, but his parents I am shocked on their reaction...also, if the problem persists get your mother into counseling so that she realizes that you don't want your ex-boyfriend to be involved; I wouldn't want him involved either from his first reaction or ever even if he matures.

Answer 28

Wow Im sorry about all of that, What awful an awful person those people raised. They are awful themselves.  Your mom is inviting them to let them know that you are still there, and there GRANDCHILD is there whether they like it or not.  They are f*ckin idiots if you ask me.  If i lived near you I would babysit for free.  AWW I love you I'm sorry these people are such a******s.  Good luck to you and your baby!!!!  

PS.  Do you have any names yet? Boy or Girl?

I agree with stephanie, I gave her a thumbs up, up there?  Good answer girl!

Definitly get child support dont even sweep that under the rug, take advantage. Hes the f*ck *** remember that