How do i get over my fear of family gatherings?

Question

ok growing up, i was always a nice girl, i never got into trouble.i was 16 and while dressing up for a family gathering i heard my mom tell my aunt how she wished i was more pretty and more like her skinny niece. i was so angry and disappointed. i turned up in a skimpy costume and made a fool of myself laughing loudly with my brother's friend.i was also rude to my aunts and acted snooty with my cousins.I thought i was embarrassing my mom but actually that was the single most stupid and brash thing i have done.

Its been many years now, i have been avoiding any sort of family gatherings.i go to parties at friends places but the thought of a family gathering brings up the embarassing memories and i'm scared.

My cousin is getting married and i really want to go, how do i get over my fear ?

i really can't stop thinking about what my relatives would be thinking of me and what if they make fun of me for what happened before.

Answer 1

It was many years ago.  You were young and you were hurt by what your mom said.  I understand.  But now.....it's years later and your cousin is getting married and you really want to go.  Go!  No one is going to remember the incident.  And even if they do, chances are they'll remember it with a smile and chuckle, but not something bad.  Don't let this hinder you any longer.  Get out there and be happy and smile and laugh and enjoy life.  If you miss the wedding, you'll feel more defeated and it will get easier to avoid things.  Go and enjoy!  

Answer 2

First off, stop calling it a fear.  It's not a fear.  This is shame.  You were humiliated at a family gathering and now you look at each family gathering as a possibility for more shame.  It's up to you to change that shame into pride.

The way you fix this is to be yourself.  I know, it's a cliche and it is so much easier said than done.  But, in this case it is all you can do.  You need to let your cousin know you will be happy to attend her wedding.  Buy a nice outfit (dress or pantsuit), and get your hair done.  Buy some flattering makeup and even get some tips from the little twats behind the MAC counter at Nordstrom's.  (hehe)

Then, to prepare mentally, you should get dolled up every day.  Look at yourself in the mirror and point out all the positives.  'Wow, my eyes look awesome!'  Then write that down on a Post-It.  'My eyes are beautiful'.  Stick it on a mirror you look in daily.  The next day, find something else.  'My butt looks great today!'  Write down: 'My butt looks great!'  Stick it next to the first note.  Do this daily for about a week or so.  Then, the day of the wedding, as you're getting dressed, read all of the Post-Its.  Read them and know that those comments were about YOU.  They weren't about some skinny cousin who has no butt.  They were about YOU and your great butt!  Then go shake that thing at the wedding and have no qualms about who sees it.  After all, it's yours, it's great and you're what makes it so!

Go have fun, Girl!

--Oh yeah, try to snag a hot guy there while you're at it!  Or, bring one along if you've already got one!  :)

Answer 3

You are forgetting the true reason of a family gathering (or wedding).

Although I know you're not self-centered, and I'm not saying that you are, this wedding is about the marriage of your cousin. Skipping it for reasons like that would be disrespectful. If your relatives or your cousin were ashamed of you, then they wouldn't have invited you. You were only 16 back then, and obviously you're much more mature now.

You know what the problem is, but you're stuck on the solution, when it is quite clear. What you need to do is redeem yourself. By going to the wedding/family gathering and acting very polite, mature and more conservative, you prove to your family that you aren't what you were before and that maybe back then you were not as skinny and pretty as your cousin, but regardless of your physical appearance, you turned out to be a smart and sophisticated woman.. it's not something that you can simply diet for.

Be confident, and exchange greetings with everyone you know there and if you pretend like it didn't happen, so will they. If you are always sheltered and afraid to talk to anyone there, they will know that you were embarrassed and that you haven't changed. If they bring it up, just have a laugh about it and explain why you did it.

And trust me, all parents (especially with family) compare their children to other children. Your cousin doesn't have some of the traits you do, and vice versa. It's impossible for a child to have every single good trait and be perfect, so they will always talk about something.

So I suggest you get off the computer and go plan your outfit.

:)