How do i get over past hurts?

Question

I was hurt over again different ways (sexully) by different people when I was younger and now it seems to haunt me and i don't know how to get over it

Answer 1

Accept that the past is history.

You cannot change what has already happened.

But you CAN learn from the past, and not repeat it!

Hugs. All the best.

Answer 2

Exercise is a great release for sorrow.  Take long walks, journal, join a support group; tomorrow is a new day.

Answer 3

If this is a trend and affects you (has been affecting you) long term and with many other people in your life, I would suggest that you see a professional who deals with cognitive behavior therapy ...

don't settle for the first person you go to ... it has to be a good fit, and there are a lot of bad therapists out there ...

you just have to get to a point where you can put things in a perspective that you can deal with and live with on a healthy level ... and get to where "sexual" with anyone doesn't link to the bad experiences every time ...  an understanding partner with good communication skills and patience will help, too ...  but that is a lot harder to come by ...

ps - you have to start with an attitude that you WILL get over it ...  you have to have the mindset that you WILL be happy ...  you have to be strong enough to not let it overwhelm you and give up hope ...  a lot is on you to know and believe that it will change and that the change is what you want (this is where the cognitive behavior therapy is most helpful) ...

Answer 4

First things first: you have to realize that you didn't wake up one morning and simply have all of these problems delivered with your morning paper. Your problems have been built up over years, over repeated and negative traumatic episodes that only partially healed within you before, like a scab over a cut, being ripped open and exposed and tender all over again.

Not only that but you have had the mentality of a victim, 24-7, ever since the first episode happened. That means that even between episodes, your mind was being molded into a negative abusive pattern, reinforced both when you were awake and asleep. That's years and years of negative thinking built up inside of you, and you can't erase years of negative thinking with a few counseling sessions.

Your haunted sense of self is normal; its been made to feel insecure and vulnerable and its wondering (with good reason) when the next shoe is going to drop, the next episode of abuse is going to happen. Depending upon who is abusing you, has abused you, you need to do some things. First off, if the person is still abusing you, they need to be stopped. The most obvious choice is legal, having the person arrested, and its a very good choice but many victims simply can't bring themselves to do that step. If you can't bring yourself to do that, then you need to bring yourself to a place (rape/abuse crisis center) where other people can help you begin to heal. It doesn't matter how long ago the abuse was, they have the knowledge and experience to help you deal with what you are going through. Trying to deal with these issues by yourself is not going to help you, and will only make your treatment and healing take longer.

The abuse was not your fault, you did nothing wrong, but like most of the problems life gives us, it leaves it up to us to deal with whatever happens. The abuse is not your fault but you can take that power back and choose to help heal yourself. There are plenty of resources in your area you can turn to. And if you don't know where to look, pick a random psychologist/psychiatrist from your phonebook and ask them for a reference. Even if they can't help you, because you can't afford them, they can point you in a direction that can help you.

There's also alot of information out there: websites, books, check-lists, just about anything you could ever need to help you begin your healing is just a google click away. I've included the website for Tori Amos' RAINN organization (Rape, Abuse, Incest National Network) which has plenty of helpful information you can use.