How do i get over this feeling i have??

Question

I have an 8 year old daughter. My only child. And since her father left and hasn't been in her life my daughter hasn't been right. She steals,lies, screams, fights, throws temper tantrums, is obsessed about things that i don't feel 8 years old should be concerned about (looks, being popular, boys) and i'm at the point where i cant deal anymore. She is a beautiful and extremely smart child. Unfortunately, she posses all of the qualities in a person that i despise. And it's to the point where i get absolutely no pleasure, none, in raising her or wanting to be around her. Her father/my ex husband was a terrible person. And he had to go. He has two addition children now that we've been divorced, by two different women. He don't make attempts to see our child and i now have a restraining order against him so he cant. I got an IEP done on her because without one they would have kicked her out of school and child care. But the trick to that is, she only does that at school. in places where no one can discipline her in any way. The stealing was just at school and daycare. But since the summer, it's gotten worse. And she lies (of course they go hand and hand) and the added c**p. I get cramps in my stomach 20 minutes before i have to go get her from school because i have absolutely no idea what they are going to tell me she did. And she's been wrote up at Child care 6 times since the beginning of the summer for stealing and fighting. It's to the point where now, if she gets kicked out of CC,she cant stay with me anymore. I have no desire to lose my job because she refuses to get her S**t together. I know this sounds like an awful thing but i cant stand her. I really cant and i dont want her at home anymore. I get no help from anyone and i'm doing all this on my own. I work and take care of her. I'm living paycheck to paycheck with no outside funds. I dont go out. I dont party,I dont date, other then cigarettes, i have no additction. I have nothing and she steals from me what i dont have. She stays grounded.I stopped spanking her because that dont work. I stopped grounding her cause that dont work. I just dont allow her to talk to me at all at this point. The sound of her voice fills me with anger and the sight of her makes me mad. Instantly. I have actually looked into signing over my rights but they tell me that anything short of me having a mental instability, that wont happen. I've tried to talk to family and friends but no one will listen to me. They just think i'm angry or pissed off and i'm not. I was angry and po'd months ago. Now i'm just done.this has been going on and getting worse for a few years now since her nothing azz father left.. I want to know what i can do to feel the love i felt for her before all this went bad. Before i give up on her. I dont want to give up on my child but i cant take the stress and i wont let anyone send me to the hospital. ( i have chronic hypertension) child or other wise. I want to look at her and feel the love that i use to that's not there anymore. And if it's there, i dont feel it. I just dont. I dont feel anything. I can liturally give her completely away to her father (which is no kind of parent) and not lose a nights sleep. And the fact that i feel that way is shooting me at top speed into depression. Not because i feel that way but because i dont feel bad about feeling that way. Does that make scense? I dont know. I just want to love my child again.. How can i when she's turning out to be everything I despise in a person?? Can anyone help me?? I'm Desperate!!

Answer 1

Love her inspite of....That's your child and children will only do what you let them do. It sounds like she has lost respect for you and herself. It might be a phase or you might need to seek help for her. Maybe counseling or therapy. When her father left, she probably felt abandoned. Don't despise her for being a child! Take control and be the best parent that you can be! No one said it would be easy! If this doesn't work, call NANNY 911!!!!

Answer 2

tell her straight out- not that u hate her, but that if she doesnt stop, you'll have to give her up. it might stop it, and your telling the truth

Answer 3

your daughter sounds alot like how my girlfriend used to be when she wasyounger and the last thing you can do is give her up because that is what her mum did.

she feels like this because her father is gone

and the father figure is what gives us all stability and the feeling of being safe and protected when we are young

all you can do is show her love and effection sit her down and talk to her

ask her why and tell her that you love her

tell her how she makes you feel

she may be young but after seeing and hearing how her actions make you feel she should calm down

does she know what kind of 'nasty' man her father was?

if so then mabye shes thinking,

"if its good enough for him its good enough for me"

subconsiously

hope i helped

Answer 4

Try moving to a new environment - perhaps that will help.  Also i wonder if there are any help groups for people in your situation? Although i think that your daughter does rely on your for many things and i'm sure she will come to you if she has any problems thoughout her life, but one day she will leave you to live her own life.

That isn't so long in the future and i think the only thing you can do is look forward to that time.  But you may have to face up to the fact that this will be your life for the next 10 or so years.

Perhaps if you face up to that fact you can plan a way to survive those years.

All you can do is be there when needed, give your thoughts and let the rest happen as it will - if child judges your words have merit she will heed them but you can't do more than that i'm afraid.

Good Luck

Answer 5

I only read the first sentence but I would suggest a good child psychologist.  

Answer 6

Contact your local mental health provider or find a good therapist and support group.  It's obvious that you are in a great deal of pain and so is your daughter.  Rather than damage her, wouldn't you rather put the effort into getting both of you some help so that you CAN have a loving relationship?

Answer 7

I really feel for you.  I know how extremely difficult this must be for you.  Part of what your daughter is going through stems from your ex husband leaving.  Kids are weird in that way, she might think part of this or all of this is her fault and making or doing bad things gives her the attention she craves.  I know that money is tight for you but you are desperate for help here.  Not only do you need help for your daughter but you need help for yourself as well.  You don't belong in a mental hospital and you don't have any kind of mental illness.  You are just a good mom doing your best with what you have.  Call human services in your town.  Tell them you need help with your daughter and you don't know where to go.  No doubt they will question you and you just answer what they ask.  I don't know what else you can do.  Maybe her school can tell you where you can go.  I wish I had answers for you but I don't.  Maybe someone here will be able to give  you a better answer and show you where to go.  I am sorry that your family is not of more help to you.  Are you religious?  If so then maybe your priest can help you out here by giving you advice.  Good luck to you and your daughter.  All I can further say is just do the very best that you can.  Tell  your daughter you love her even if you might not.  Tell her that you are trying so hard to make her happy and your not getting it.  Ask her what you can do to change things.  Maybe she will open up and tell you something.  My heart goes out to you and I will pray for you and your daughter.

Answer 8

One, Never give up on your child because you brought her into this world ,you the one that gave birth to her ,and if you do send her away imagine what she would think of you when she's older .

second of all, I know you tried your best too keep her under control but at this moment whatever you say to her is not going to work at all this is the time where you find a psychologist and ask them for help or advice.

You have to sit down and talk to your child,explain to her whats wrong and  right not scream and yell because it make things worst, you also have too try to understand where she coming from why she do these things you cant blame the father even though he is never around you have to learn not to depend on nobody because one day when you need them the most, they will have an excuse not to help you out

Answer 9

Wow, try spending more time with her and after she comes back from school, ask her how was school today? If she done something and lied about it ground her for a week or something.

Answer 10

By not writing long paragraphs that nobody wants to read.

Answer 11

Take her for some bonding time and do not chase her away because when she reaches her teenage years, she'll cultivate your abstinence from her and hate YOU more. Talk to her no matter what. start slow then build.

Answer 12

wow, shes ur kid.... and when u ignore her bc u cant stand her... whats that teaching her. she just wants attention. i mean how can u not even look at her! if YOU cant take care of her put her up for adoption.

Answer 13

dont take things out on your dsaughter, shes only 8 years old for god sake, HE was the one that hurt you not your daughter, ok sounds like you are having a tough ride with her just now, but get yourself sorted out, you will regret this, she is your baby, there is plenty help out there if you ask for it and with there help and your patience you can turn your little girl back into the little girl you used to love and she will be a credit to YOU! Your lucky she is ONLY 8! you have the years on your side to sort this out.

She is your baby, never give up on something as precious as that, you will never be able to live with yourself if you go through with it.

Answer 14

Good lord, hon, count the number of "I"s in this missive you've just written.  I, I, I... no wonder your daughter is crying out for attention!  You need to rethink YOUR behavior as children often mirror the same s*x parent and look for acceptance and love from the other parent.  I'm scared for your daughter as I have a feeling you are doing more than just being angry with her.  So, yes, ask her father to step up to the plate and let her live with him (but that doesn't give you the right to then abandon her...).  Or, if one of her grandparents can take over - is that an option?  YOU need counseling.  As does your daughter.  She needs a complete physical and psychological evaluation to rule out any physical problems.  She's just a child and as her MOTHER you need to make the right decisions for her (she can't do it on her own).  So get in touch with her father, get in touch with the entire family, and make a plan to rescue this young girl.

Answer 15

OK first of all............can you get her into counseling? If you can't afford it call your local hosital and explain you have a child that needs it ASAP!!!!!!!!!!!! Call the welfare office, call call call whoever you can and do it now.

2nd, I know how hard it is to be single and work and just plain be exhausted.......but you have got to spend as much time as you can with her and make her feel wanted. Kids know when they are not wanted darlin, and you cannot bad mouth her dad, which is very hard to do I know but you can't!!! She is feeling alone, her dad has left her and now her mom is hating her and she is getting attention by lying and stealingand it is working, but she is to young to realize what she is doing to herself and what it may become down the road. Please, even if it is a school counelor get her in there!!!!!!! You will find your way back to eachother darlin, but you have to start now or it will become a situation where you both loose and regret it. I wish you all the best hun, please call and try to go talk to someone asap.  

Answer 16

Maybe you can get the both of you into counseling, there are many counselors that will work with you about making payments. I think if you can get back to communicating with each other, then you might have a chance of saving your relationship with your daughter.