How do i get past my past? (please read whole story to understand :()?

Question

when i was younger, i was in a really good relationship, it was going so well but then he turned to drugs and he started to be violent towards me, i finished with him, was so depressed and then he said he had changed and cos i loved him, i took him back but a week into the new relationship, he done it all over again so i got out of the relationship; a few months after, he came back to me asking me to go back to him, saying he had changed, of course, i said no as i had enough abuse off him in the past; he got his friends on my case 24/7 trying to tell me he had changed but i wouldn't listen; he then told me, if i didn't get back with him, he would kill himself cos he 'needs' me in his life, this was near christmas time; of course, he got my attention cos i wouldn't wish death upon anyone! but my friends told me not to back down, i spoke to him, told him he was being silly and to stop trying to scare me; he said he would do it christmas day so of course, this ruined my christmas. it didn't happen and of course i was happy he never done it but pissed off how he could scare me so much and ruin the day for both me AND my family! so week past and it was new years eve, he told me he would kill himself then, but i wouldn't listen, no way was he going to ruin another night! but then i woke up on 01.01.07 to be told my boyfriend had been found dead - of course this broke my heart and i become really suicidal! my mum and dad blamed me! said i should of gave him another chance! it took me so hard to get past it, i'm still finding it hard but i've moved around so much as my family hated me :(. i now live with 4 lads and they look after me. i got close to people who don't live so close to me so they didn't know of my past, but once i got close, i told them and they stuck by me :) but since my ex boyfriend who died, i have got myself into two violent relationships and it brings back so many memories :( i just want to be happy and move past it all! me and my parents are now okay but they do sometime bring it up how i should have gave him a chance and maybe he would still be here and it makes me feel so little, like i don't deserve to be here :(. i am now settling down with a new boyfriend but i'm so scared he'll leave me soon :( i feel like i'm never going to be happy again.

Answer 1

Not only is your ex abusive but he is a manipulator.  You can not blame yourself because he was the one with the problem, and if some guy had been kickin' my kids *** I would wish for him to die, and not feel bad about it or make them feel bad for it. Talk to your new boyfriend, maybe talk to a counselor who deals with domestic violence(look up a battered woman's shelter. they offer the counseling for free) and quit living with the past. good luck with your new life.

Answer 2

When my son was 15, I had let him go on a church camping trip and he was in a horrible accident and died. I carried the guilt around with me for years and allowed others to make me feel guilty over it.

I had to move away from my family and do a lot of self exploration to get through this.

One of the things that helped me was realizing I only have control over my own life. I wont feel guilty about something unless I allow myself to feel that way. No one can "make" you do or feel anything you dont allow them to.

Think of these quilty feelings as a bag full of rocks. As you travel down life's path it's your decision to either carry that bag with you, or set it down along the way to give yourself some ease.

I actually took rocks about the size of my palm, labeled them with each of the guilty feelings I was having, put them in a backsack and wore it. That bag of rocks weighed on my body the way the guilt weighed on my spirit. I decided I needed to get rid of some of the rocks. I decided which of the guilty feelings I could do without. I removed them from the bag and put them in a pile outside my door. If that guilty feeling came back, I put the rock back in the bag. It took a while, but I eventually learned guilty feelings dont do anything but tire you out, mentally, spiritually, and physically and eventually I had an empty bag.

Good luck

Answer 3

You cannot blame yourself for your ex-boyfriend's abusive powers against you. He was an unhealthy fellow if he abused drugs, then promised he would change and didn't. and then blackmailed you incontinuinging  have a relationship with you. Your family is wrong to insist on blaming you for his death.  

Talk to your current boyfriend about this past, so that you can get past it, and see how he responds. If he is truconcernedend about you, he will be there for you, and work his best to help you overcome it. And if he breaks his relationship with you because of it, then you know that this wasn't a long-term relationship that would be in your best intrest anyway, because your lifemate has to be willing to deal with all the parts of you including this particular history (and ongoing saga, seeing how the rest of your family is currently treatingyou because of this story) of yours.

Good Luck

Answer 4

history repeats it self and you have to stop the circle if you think about it you are probably attracted to the same traits in a guy and remember

this if a man puts his hands on you in anger RUN he's a piece of ****

just like his daddy /your a person in search of happiness and want to share your life with someone ,get out there and find a man who will treat you like gold and not abuse you ,there out there ,just stop rushing into relationships with losers be patient it'll happen,

if a guy does to you what that jerk did its called stalking call the police and put em in jail,bet he wont hit nobody there ,may god bless

Answer 5

How dare your parents!!!  You were with an abusive man, and did the absolute right thing in not going back.  That's a common ploy that abusive men use to control the one they want to abuse.  Have you ever talked to a counselor?  They might be able to help you find out why you are attracted to abusive men, so you can learn what to look for in men.  I'm really glad you found people to take you in, and take care of you.  I hope this man is a good one, who treats you like a flower.  Just remember to treat him like a hero:).