How do i get the ex outta my head?... I hate him for how he treated me, and i want to get on with my life!

Question

He was abusive to me and my daughter.

i dont want him back.

I dont want to be frinds with him.

Yes, i wish things couldve been worked out (sometimes). But he put no effort in...

Some days i'm great.

Sometimes he's in my dreams. (sometimes good dreams like we are happily together....soemtimes nightmares...)

its hard to date being a single mom, and i'm not sure i'm even ready to. its been just over 3 months since we split.

its especially hard when my daughter asks (for example today...)why he's not with us anymore, or even mentions his name.

he has serious issues and has even emailed me saying he loves me and acts like everything is good between us. He was an abusive (mentally, emotionally, verbally) jerk!!

i just want to erase this part of my brain!

Answer 1

Meet some one that you truly love that will be there for you maybe go on a online thing to find a partner or even meet some cool freind or just talk to your other freinds I hope this works

Answer 2

I feel for you. It's so hard to move on when the offending person has made a part in your child's life. It is very important that you tell your daughter that you two are not together and will not be together. Unfortunately my girls saw first hand some of the abuse from my former spouse, but at least I can tell them that their daddy and I always were fighting and that is why we can not be together anymore.

make sure she knows that she did nothing wrong and that there is nothing wrong with her. That should help with your girl.

Now, for the rest of this. I wish you luck. I went to a local safe house for abused women. Provided, I wasn't physically abused, but the mental, emotional, and verbal were bad enough. It helped me see things in perspective and it inspired me to stop thinking like a victim. I mean, seeing those women all scared and un-sure about weather or not to go back was a real reality check. It is my opinion that without you changing yourself, the cycle will keep on going. I can dig out some info I got from the safe house if you would like to e-mail me. It's about how to find a good, healthy, relationship, and what to look for as signs before you let someone in your daughter's life.

I'm sorry to say that nothing short of a closed head injury (not recommended) will get those bad memories out of your head. But they are just that, memories. You were strong enough to get out of that situation, and are strong enough to stay out of it. Even without physical violence, I was able to get a personal protection order. That made it so he could not contact me, by phone, in person, at work, at home, nada unless it was about the kids. If he started to get all angry I would simply tell him to calm down and call back then, and hang up. (It's so liberating) A few therapy like things~~~ write him a letter telling him how you feel. and what he made you feel like. you can include the good times. Just to get it all out. Don't justify what he did. don't be like "he was angry because I didn't do the dishes when they needed to be done" because unless he was a quadrapalegic, he could do it too.

you can also sit down one night and write all the good things and bad things about him. you can't scrap the bad things, but you can avoid them in the future. you can sit and think of why you loved him and why he loved you. don't get me wrong, this is NOT a romantic thing. be hard and realistic. for example, I made excuses for my ex, and he loved that I was willing to lie for him.

IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT!!!!!! Even if you did push his buttons, I realized that some men are made of buttons. If you feel overwhelmed by bad memories, do something special for yourself. Paint your nails, dance in the living room, heck, just do something that makes you feel good.

I bought something like "the Idiot's guide to self-esteem" and "the idiot's guide to assertiveness". Reading those helped (I'm a bookworm) Please, if you want any information, I have too much. About domestic abuse, personal protection orders, and even some things from a sexual assault book that were really really helpful. I hope you make it through this a lot stronger, and I'm here if you want to talk.

Best wishes,

Lia