How do i get this assortment of random stuff out of my backside?

Question

I've got the following stuck in my bum, in the order they got up there:

My bookcase, a plunger, a midget, a gerbil, a ferret, a switchblade, some rope, rubbing alcohol, another plunger, a toothpick, a cat, a half wheel of cheese, a camera, the fat guy from D12, a pencil, every episode of E.R. on DVD, a pizza, B-Real from Cypress Hill, 2 firemen, a squad car, 4 policemen, a board, a coffin, a trophy, a copy of Curtis by 50 Cent, a chair, a complete series of ‘The Guinness Book of World Records’ and a tub of Vaseline.

To explain how they got there, the bookcase got up there in a way i'd rather not say, then someone said i should use a plunger, then someone said i should use a midget and a gerbil, then a bunch of people said i should use a ferret, then someone said i should use a switchblade, some rope, rubbing alcohol, another plunger, a toothpick, a cat and a half wheel of cheese (i really should have ignored him), then someone said i should shoot a reality t.v. show up there so up went the camera, then the fat guy from D12 got pissed off because it was his midget and climbed in after it, then someone said i should use a pencil, then someone said E.R. (in retrospect, they probably mean go to E.R.), then someone said use a pizza, then someone said Be Real (Yet again, i probably misunderstood this one), then someone said firemen and the police, then someone said i was bored but i thought they said board, then someone said i should be measured for a coffin and apply for some award or another, the my friend who i got 'Curtis' for his birthday stuck it up there because he hates 50 Cent, then i tried to sit down but the chair went up there, then someone said i should call guinness so they came over and stuck the books up there, then the same person said i should use Vaseline.

Please help me! It really hurts and i'm starting to need a dump!

Answer 1

Get a life. At least I get 2 points  

Answer 2

I think if you just assume the position and push real hard you should be able to get that all back out and take a dump at the same time.

Result!

Answer 3

I think you should be seeking mental help at this point.

Have you ever seen 'What's eating gilbert grape?', i'ma call you artie

Answer 4

dunno but i can tell you that the fat guy is called bizarre

Answer 5

2 teaspoons of brown sugar in a few drops of hot water, that'll get things shifting!

Answer 6

I think you need to take up writing, you obviously have a terrific imagination.

Either that or see a psychiatrist, you are quite clearly craving attention.

And didn't your mummy tell you that you shouldn't put anything smaller than your elbow in your a**s. Oh sorry that's the rule for ears-never mind I think it could count for both.

Answer 7

Better call the Fire Brigade.