How do i handle my ex because i now have a fiance?

Question

Ok.Lets call him Akim.I went out with Akim for 3 months and later my dad was transferred to another city,felt so bad because i was going to Miss my new love.I loved him so much that i never wanted anything to separate us but this did;tried hard to maintain the relationship by using his mothers phone.Then suddenly i started failing to go through his mothers phone.Communication broke down.Its been 2 years and half and am seeing someone else and we are about to get married.I met Akim 3 wks before my wedding and he says he loves me so much and he apologized for being so quiet and promises not to do it again and i love him back.Am in a torn apart,how can i tell my fiance about this whole thing?Should i take Akim back and call off the wedding?

Answer 1

Oh sweetie..U have to be true to yourself..Please dont get married if you still have feeling for someone else...you have to tell your fiance and call things off..(at least until you are sure of what you really want) Put yourself in your fiances shoes, Im sure if you were him you would want all of you, So many marriages end up in divorce and I know you would always think of what might have been with your ex..Im sure it is tearing you apart emotionally but you have to be 100% sure of what you want to be happy.  I wish you the best of luck and of course all the happiness in the world..:o)

Answer 2

How can you feel for someone so much that you decide to marry him and then say you are in love with someone else?  You must be thinking with your s*x-glands.

If he felt so much for you, why was he so quiet for over two years ? He has come to say this because you are about to become unattainable or so he thinks. I feel that you should tell your fiance that you do not love him enough to marry him. That makes it honest with him but how he will take this is impossible to say. Has Akim said he wishes you to have a permanent relationship with him or is it just a fill in until he finds someone more agreeable? Ask him! Tell him what you would have to give up and ask what he is prepared to contribute. Why should you have to do all the heavy work?

Answer 3

You haven't seen Akim in 2 1/2 years and you want to dump your fiance just because you saw him one time?

You need to do some serious soul-searching.  First of all, do you even love your fiance?  I don't think you do.  I think he's comfortable, a habit, and you get to play at being the bride and get attention.  If you were deeply in love with this man, the type of love that is required to base a marriage on, you wouldn't give Akim a second thought.

Next up.  Let me repeat.  TWO AND A HALF YEARS.  And Akim couldn't be bothered with finding you or contacting you.  If he was so in love all that time, why didn't he find a way to stay in touch?  

Akim didn't want to stay in touch with you.  That's why he didn't find you, get a new phone, send you a calling card or a phone for you or his new number.  He isn't in love with you now - he just doesn't want to see you happy with someone else.

Get rid of him.  Completely and for good.  He's lied to you about the last 2 1/2 years so why would you trust him in the future?

Then cancel your wedding.  Until you figure out what real love is and what marriage is all about, you don't have any business making those vows.

Answer 4

You are WAY too immature to be marrying anyone.  Do your fiance a favor and break off the engagement before you ruin his life with your childishness.  What you do about Akim is beside the point.

Answer 5

h**l no...if he does it once he will do it again..unless you can forgive him everytime he does it...is your current fiance really worth losing?

Answer 6

If you had been sure about marrying your fiance, you would already know the answer to this question.  If all it takes is your ex coming back and saying he loves you for you to seriously question things, then you are not ready to be married.  

That is not to say that your fiance might not be the right guy.  You had only been with Akim for three months so you were still in the honeymoon stage of the relationship when you left him and don't know how things would have turned out.  I don't know how long you've been with your fiance, but if you've been with him for the past couple of years and things are still good, then that's pretty rare and may be worth holding on to just for that.  But regardless, I would put off the wedding until you have had more time to think things through.  There is always a risk of new temptations popping around the corner, and if you don't feel strongly about the commitment you are making to the man you marry, it will lead to problems later on.

Answer 7

Who are you happier with? If its with the guy your marrying, then ruthlessly shun Akim or is its Akim the other way round.. but also canceling the wedding,

if you dont know then ask

who has the most time to be with you?

who knows you the best?

who knows how to cheer you up like noone else can?

in the end think of it as 'pruning' one more of earths 6mill people out of your life, best of luck :DD

Answer 8

i seriously think that you should continue with your marriage to the other guy. you have moved on to something that you know why go back for something you are not sure will work. if it ain't broken why fix it. you don't even know if it will work with this guy.

Answer 9

Akim has been out of your life for over 2 years and now he suddenly breezes back into your life?  I question why he was silent for so long and why he chooses now to turn back up into your life.  (something to be wary of...is Akim married and you're the bit on the side because you are "unsuitable" marriage material for his family or is he available but not man enough to own up to his personal choices in a partner and he's letting mama/daddy dictate who he sees)

If you still have feelings for Akim and the fact that someone you haven't seen for 2 1/2 years can throw you into this much confusion about who you love and where your loyalties lie tells me that you don't really love the man you are getting ready to marry and that you should call off the wedding and let him go on his way.  I don't think that you should necessarily go back to Akim but I do think that you first need to be clear on your feelings for the man you have been planning to marry.

You can try again with Akim if you like but the main thing is to get a handle on your true emotions/feelings for your fiance.  

If you love your fiance and this is just a case of cold feet before the big event, then toss Akim to the side of the road and tell him "too bad, your loss" and marry your fiance without a backwards glance.

If you really do have feelings for Akim even though he has been absent from your life for so long, then you need to be fair to your fiance and let him know that there is someone else you'd rather be with.

Good Luck.

Answer 10

before you get married you need to decide what you want in your life when I got married i married someone who i didn't want to there was someone else who I would have rathered to be at the end of the isle. It was the worse mistake of my life our marriage fell apart and we divorced after two kids cause he wasn't what i wanted. you need to tell you fiance and decide who you want and go with your true feelings cause if not they will haunt you in the future. good luck