How do i help my 11 year old to overcome her fear of being alone?

Question

my daughter is afraid of staying home alone, she has a pony and she is afraid to be at the barn alone, she is afraid to go into any store alone, the library, etc

she has a cell phone too!!

Answer 1

Why would you leave your 11 year old daughter home alone? You need some parenting classes.

Answer 2

Each child develops independence and maturity at their own pace. Have you asked her why she is afraid to be alone? Has something happened recently to upset her? ( When one of my children had to go to the hospital and I was there a lot my youngest child became very "clingy" because they couldn't understand everything that was going on. To this day that child has a hard time sleeping until everyone is home and accounted for.) Is the barn a good distance from the house? Is it her job to care for the pony? If that is part of the problem there are other ways to deal with that issue.

Start out short and simple.Talk to her first. Explain to her that you are going for a short walk of 5 min. Take the 5 min. walk and be there. Help her see you kept your word. Slowly lengthening your time away, always being back when you said you would be.

Some places like the libraries, store, malls etc don't want children unaccompanied for many reasons, safety of the child being just one of them.

Are you aware that in some states and communities it is considered child neglect to leave a child home alone, unattended and unsupervised. Laws vary from area to area. In some places I've lived the age has been 12 if it was for a short period of time 3-4 hours.(Example: the hours between school getting out and the parents coming home from work.) A cell phone will not supervise a child, or be responsible if something happens to the child. I also know even if the child is  12 or even13 and something happens to the child while home, neglect charges can be brought against the parents. Get to know the laws of your area before you leave your 11 year old home alone.

Added:

It could be she might be afraid to be stuck someplace and no one find her for hours. Give her time and she'll be OK. Also show her how she can get out of a locked room, then keep the tools needed it the room.

Answer 3

Don't judge her on what her friends do. Children 'grow up'

at all different ages. This may come as a psychological fear, or it may be a fear of the environment. Has she seen any scary movies at friend's houses? Read any ghost stories? This can really effect a child. Give it time...when I was kid, I used to be afraid to be alone, but it was because I LOVED reading ghost stories.

    Try just explaining to her that being alone is OK, and that your town is safe (if it is) and that she'll be OK. (I would also make sure that she isn't reading any scary things.) You can't force a person to do anything!

Answer 4

OMG she has a pony?!!

I asked my mom for a pony and all I got was cactus plant -_-

Answer 5

Eleven is too young to be left home alone; many times children who have these fears which may seem peculiar to you are actually founded in the fact that they see all the news that goes on today and their fears are justified no matter how hard it is for you to understand them; you are an adult, they are children and they do not have an adult mindset and are more prone to fears. So you need to take your daughter's fears more seriously and not leave her alone, let her stay with friends until someone is home and if she is afraid to go somewhere alone then let her be and don't force her or shame her.

Answer 6

Well, hmmm, if she is afraid of older people who she doesn't know hurting her, then maybe you should tell her that all of those locations are very safe. Nobody, in their right mind, would want to hurt her because then you would be mad and then beat them up haha idk. Also, show her some of the cool aspects of being independent. You don't have your embarrassing parent always around. You can feel that you can do whatever you want because your parents aren't around. (uhmm maybe not that one haha) You feel that you work around your own schedule and you aren't bossed around anymore, and you aren't an 11 year old anymore. You are now a responsible child.

             That's like in a store but at home, she should feel protected still. All doors are locked and windows shut. She just has to get over the fear that someone has the intent to do something bad because that is rarely the case. I used to always be afraid of burglars. Until each night it never happened. So what made this night any different? Anyway, I have a plastic bat in my bedroom :)

              Perhaps she's not ready to separate. Maybe she's trying to tell you that she still needs you in a way. So what you can do is, the next time you leave the house, tell her, "I'm going to call you in EXACTLY 10 minutes to check up on you, to make sure you are doing your homework or chores or having fun!" Make sure you call her in exactly 10 minutes, (she might be expecting it, and if you don't do it in 10 minutes, she might think something terribly wrong happened, and that the same might happen to her, so that doesn't help her case at all) and then when you call her, say, okay i'm going to call again in 20 minutes. and just keep checking up on her. She'll get over it one day I'm sure :) Good luck!