How do i help my daughter?

Question

my 3 year old just started school last month. it's the summer program at the preschool. she will start actual preschool in the fall. she seems to like it overall, she is excited to go every morning, but there are some problems.

it seems like when she comes home, all she wants to talk about is a certain group of girls, the ones that are mean to her. she is completely fixated on them. instead of talking about the fun things she did, or the nice kids she plays with, she just wants to talk about these girls.

i have told her to stay away from the ones who aren't nice and play with the kids are. no matter what i say or how many times i say it, she won't stop telling me the same stories and asking why they are mean. i don't want to get frustrated with her and make her feel worse about the situation, but i don't know what else to say or do.

i asked her teacher what has been going on, she seems completely oblivious "they are all friends" she says. i have observed differently, though.

Answer 1

i would tell her to ignore them and not talk to them. just talk to the nice girls, and they wont be mean to her

Answer 2

I know that this will sound strange but think about the type of day that you had... sometimes the bad things pop into your head before the good. I think that it is just human nature to focus on the bad. I know that sounds rough but maybe that is what happens with your little one. Bad over shadows good. As for a remedy I would, as a mom go to the school and do a few days of observation. take a note book with you and note when the behavior occurred and what the circumstances were. Also, to play the devils advocate, the teacher is only one person and if she has a full class maybe she just doesn't see what is going on. Making and presenting her with this journal may help her in handling the problem. Hope that this helps. Good luck!!!

Answer 3

If you've observed this, then kindly tell the perpetrators to stop. Most little kids (or at least when I was little) get really scared of being told off.

Answer 4

tomorrow when you take your daughter to school stay there....take a couple hours to observe their behaviors, once your suspicions are confirmed wait for the mothers to pick the girls up go talk to the moms. Maybe by notifying the moms the girls will stop the bullying behavior. Also, tell your daughter that she must stay away from the girls and make different friends.

Answer 5

when you pick her up after school wait on these kids parents and inform them that your daughter has came home saying they were mean and let them know you talked to the teacher and what she said and maybe ya ll can all sit down and talk to find out what is actually going on

Answer 6

Hi.  I think you have to let your daughter talk about how the girls who are mean to her are upsetting her - you want to encourage communication between you - even if, like it is during childhood, repeated again and again.  You do not want her to feel that she cannot talk to you about it in any way - so be patient and listen.  Endlessly.

Try to get your daughter to talk about HOW they are being mean to her, get her to explain what happened.

You will then be able to guage whether your daughter is perhaps being a bit sensitive or if indeed there is a problem.

What you have to remember is that a childs perception of being mean - they were already playing a game and wouldnt let me join in - is not necessarily an adults perception.

Keep her talking and explain, again and again, if you must, that sometimes, people are just mean - they dont always mean anything by it and arm her with some ammunition about how to deal with it, give her soemthing that she can say back to them that will perhaps help the situation.  If they are making fun of her because of her size tell her to tell them she loves the way she is.  

I would be careful at this stage of going in and sitting observing - children are pretty mean to each other on the whole and if you are seen to be in there fighting her battles you could alienate her - and yourself from the other mothers.

Make your concerns known to the teacher and to the head teacher and ask for the situation to be observed.

Its a tricky situation at that age.

Let me give you an example.  At my daughters pre school many years ago, we could park outside.  They were in the basement rooms - the windows of which were visible from the pavement.  The windows were open.  There in the wendy house that made three walls round the open window were my daughter and three others (all of whom still 18 years later know each other).  Two girls were holding the door shut so one poor little newcomer couldnt get in, my daughter being the tallest was on a chair looking over the top and was suddenly heard to yell - yes!  She's crying now!  The little mite who couldnt get in walked off crying.  

That afternoon when I picked her up I told her how unhappy I was with her treatment of the new girl and my daughter was astounded.  I talked to her about being mean and how she would feel if it had been her (and alright she said she was strong enough to open the door but thats not the point!!)  Eventually my daughter fell a bit sheepish and then asked how I knew.  I told her mothers know everything.  The next day she went in and made a point of playing with the poor little mite who had been made to cry.  Theyre 18 now and the best of friends.

Kids are just sometimes mean to each other.

Whilst you obviously must react to your daughters tales of mean-ness you mustnt OVER react.

It will work out!  Good luck.

Answer 7

let her continue to talk about the girls.  she is learning what you intended -how to socialize.  continue to prompt her about the other activities she does, but encourage your conversations.  that's all they are -her new ways of expressing herself.  if you are still concerned about the clique, share your concerns with her teacher.

Answer 8

stop watching "the hills" and reality c**p like that.  BEHAVIORS ARE LEARNED. and at that age they are learned at home. so where would she be seeing that petty catty  junk?... hmmmm.... maybe on TV. turn off the tube.

Answer 9

You need to observe in this preschool class.  If they won't let you, change preschools.  Obviously, meanness is making the most impression on her throughout her day.  At 3, she doesn't have the resources to control her environment herself yet.  Go and observe.  Don't tell them you are coming, just go in and sit down quietly, and just watch.  See for yourself what is really happening.  Some 3 year olds are really bossy because they, not their parents, run their households.  If the teacher won't listen to you, talk to the administrator.