How do i like an engagment ring I don't like

Question

My fiance & I discussed rings a while ago. He wanted to pick one out & I looked around on line & gave him some images of the style I like & left it to him. But, he not so sneakily picked out another at a store while he thought I was distracted. He told me he got it, and how much it was because we share tight finances, but didn't tell me which one. I went back on my own to check out the rings in the area he was looking & there isn't a single one I like

The ring is not all that important to me, and I do know that i will love it for all it represents. I just know the ones I liked were signifficantly less expensive & I'm afraid he's thinking he has to spend a lot, even though i've told him otherwise. And, I admit there is a part of me that wants to like the ring. I've never been married before, & I won't be again. This will be on my finger for life. Is it overly materialistic for me to even be concerned about this ? He's the right man for me, I know that & that is the important part.

Thoughts?

Answer 1

Talk open;y with him about it.. Just say honey...I trust you but can get go ring shopping again and let me try on some- pick your top 3 and let him go from there or go somewhere that you pick the setting and he chooses the diamond. Don't feel bad- my boyfriend and I have been over rings a hundred times and now that I have found the one- he simply says I want you to be happy and LOVE your ring. Get a catalog and circle some..but I  do suggest you trying some of the styles on- you can even do this on your own!  

Answer 2

I think you'll learn to love it because of what it represents and the fact that he did try.

But if you don't like it, and you have the heart to do this, talk to him about immediately exchanging it. The store should accept an exchange as long as you haven't really worn it yet.

Answer 3

First of all, trust him.

My fiance' and I wanted my ring to be from him, so I was a little nervous about what he would choose for me to wear for the rest of my life, but I kept faith in him. My faith was rewarded since he unknowingly chose the VERY ring I wanted =]

Second of all, if you find that you do not like the ring, remind yourself that your mister picked it out for you while thinking of the love he feels for you, as a symbol of that love and commitment.

Answer 4

well i can understand how you feel whenever my husband asked me i didn't like mine either and since i have been wearing it 4 5years now i have come 2 love it becuase i realized it is not the ring that is important it is what the ring represents. it shows that you love someone so much that u r willing  to spend your whole life with them. and that they feel the same about you. just trust me you will come to love it over time.  just remember that he loves you and you love him and that is all that matters.   good luck and congrats on your proposal!

Answer 5

I told my fiance to pick a ring that was cheap (under $1200) and was a solitaire.  I specifically said that I didn't want a 3 stone ring.

I was surprised when my fiance proposed with a $4500 (he found coupons and paid 3k) ring with three diamonds.  I was mad at him for not listening to me and I felt silly wearing such a conspicuous consumption type thing.

The ring is absolutely gorgeous and the stones are of the highest quality and it gets lots of compliments but I really really didn't like it since it kind of represented him not listening to me.  But I wanted to like it since he bought it for me. And obviously I wanted to be happy over him proposing, so I pretended I liked it.

Then, I blew up at him last Friday over it :-P.  And we talked about him paying attention to what I say and me making sure to emphasis things I want him to pay attention to and find important instead of saying them as off  handed comments.  And now that I feel less like it represents him not listening to me, I like it tons.  And he did get it for me because he wanted the absolute prettiest one for me and he was thinking about what would look best on my finger.

It isn't overly materialistic for  you to be concerned but it might be in everyone's best interest for you to let it go and realize that he wants the best for you.  Men are different and they like to see nice things on their woman.

Answer 6

He has not even given you the ring yet, and already you are worried!  Yikes!  Yes, that is materialistic.  When he gives you the ring, just accept it, act like you love it, and then after a week, say, "Darling, you know I notice there is a tiny tiny scratch in the diamond.  You can hardly see it, but it is right there."  Convince him that the diamond is flawed, and take it back to the store under these pretenses.  You might want to call ahead to inform the sales clerk what you are doing, so she can play along and be so apologetic, and agree with you that somehow that diamond got scratched.  He will be convinced the diamond is flawed at that point, even though he won't be able to see it.  But, if both you and the saleslady are convincing, he will believe it.  Then have the saleslady say that this was the only one of its kind, and unfortunately you have to pick out another ring, and this time she will make sure it is not flawed.  Then you can pick out what you want.  this trick is a gem.  It works every time like a charm.  

Answer 7

My advice is just to be honest about not liking it. If you two can't work this problem out - and its trivial at best - then there would be a greater concern in the future then not liking your engagement ring. Open communication is important. Learn to express your wants so that you can avoid future upsets.  

Answer 8

I went thru the same thing.  When I was married previously, I wore an engagement ring I disliked . . . because everyone told me if I mentioned it, it would "hurt his feelings."

In retrospect, I wish I had discussed it with him immediately.

I think honesty is the best policy.  If the couple cannot discuss touchy subjects at the beginning, then there is really no hope for the marriage.

1.  He should be concerned for your feelings.  If he is not concerned for your feelings, that is a bad sign of things to come.

2.  You will (hopefully!) be wearing this ring for a lifetime.  It should be a ring you like.

3.  Sometimes men just don't know a lot about jewelry or what the expectations are for an engagement ring.  Yes, some men do great at buying lovely jewelry . . . but some (such as my ex) seem afraid to ask for advice.

4.  Once you see the ring he has bought . . . if you truly do not like it, I think you should gently discuss it with him.  How he deals with this problem is a sign of how he will deal with future problems later in the relationship.  

Good luck to you.  It is a difficult situation, but it does need to be discussed.

Answer 9

take it to a pond shop

Answer 10

here's the thing with engagement rings IMO!!

When he bought it, he bought what he thought was the most beautiful ring for you!  Nobody would ever purposly buy an ugly ring!!  He would have picked it carefully thinking it was the perfect ring for you!!  Who knows....you may even love it more than the styles you picked.

I wanted a princess cut solitare.  I got a beautiful round brilliant with 3 channeled diamonds on each side.  I love it more than anything!  Remeber that if he proposed with a twist tie coated in Elmers glue and glitter, it's because he loves you and wants to be married to you for the rest of his life!!

good luck and congrats!!!!!!!

Answer 11

you are not being materialistic about it. Although you may not have liked looking at it int he case at the store think of all it will symbolize and the memories you will have of him proposing to you every time you look at it. So i think once it is on your finger, you will LOVE it! As for the money aspect, he wanted to go out of his way and buy you something special that he thought you would like and thinks you deserve. Just love him and all the ring comes to stand for...you can work out the bills later, like you said, it will only happen once in your life so why not splurge!?!?

Answer 12

MY HUSBAND AND I HAD THIS SAME PROBLEM. I WAS PICKING OUT A WHOLE BUNCH OF RINGS THAT I ABSOLUTELY LOVED AND HE COMPLETELY WENT THE OTHER WAY WITH IT. BUT THE MINUTE HE PUT IT ON MY FINGER AND IT WAS THE PERFECT FIT JUST LIKE HE AND I AND I KNEW THAT I WOULD LOVE IT FOREVER. I DONT THINK THAT YOU ARE BEING TO MATERIALISTIC ABOUT IT YOU JUST KNOW WHAT YOU WANT. THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH THAT. JUST MAKE SURE YOU DONT HURT HIS FEELINGS ABOUT IT

Answer 13

Drop the materialistic thoughts and remember what the ring represents and a the love of the man that gave it to you.  That is the important part.  Soon the ring will be come like a part of your hand and you won't even notice it much over time.  If this is the man you love, then you will love his ring, no matter what he pickes out.  Since you do not yet have the ring, there is still hope that you can love it for what it represents and for how it looks on your hand.  If you don't, you will so don't fret.