How do i make an army of raccoons?

Question

I need to do that because these people at school keep stealing my stuff away because they want to annoy me plus I don't know how to get revenge on them. I really really hate them....

Answer 1

Try telling the principle, or keep your things locked up, or close by, but raccoons???

Answer 2

First, you'll need to be sure you can devote about a month to this project. Go out in the woods and find a raccoon. Capture him (or her) and take him back to your house. Spend about a week learning it's language. This will help you communicate with your army.

Now, instruct your little raccoon (who should be very loyal to you now, as it has depended on you for basic survival needs for at least a week now) to go find as many other raccoons as he/she can. It should instruct these wild raccoons to join forces with you, explaining in great detail the wonders of the human world, and why humans make such good allies.

When the new army gets back to your house (or wherever you've set up your army's base) instruct them in basic fighting skills and other military-like stuff. Then, explain to them (you've learned their language, remember?) why they need to attack the other people.

Finally, you are ready to begin your revenge. Hide your raccoon army near your locker, where they can easily see it. This location should be easy to get into and out of. Then, when someone comes to steal your stuff, they'll ATTACK!!!! The best part is, they can take your stuff back and put it back in your locker for you (with their cute little hands). And, as an added bonus (if you're lucky) some of your raccoons may have rabies, which will prevent anyone from ever going near your locker again!

Just be sure to have something to do with your army over breaks, since you can't leave them at school. (That would make them lose loyalty.) And it's always a good idea to give them Friday through Sunday off, so that they don't feel overworked.

Overall, it's a good investment. When you graduate, you can pass them on to a younger person who has the same problem. (Because if you just send the raccoons back out into the wild, they won't do very well. You've been feeding them all these years...hopefully. They won't remember how to fend for themselves.)

Answer 3

Don't let them see you get annoyed and they'll stop.

Answer 4

Lol. And who said kids cant be creative these days?

You should report these incidents to a school official rather than handling the problem yourself.

BTW- raccoons are so last year. Don't you know that badgers are in?

Answer 5

try squirells