How do i move on? what do i do?

Question

i grew up with only my mom. she was not a great parent. she dumped me on our relatives and friends a lot so she could pursue relationships with men that never worked out. she was a drinker and heavy pothead.

when i was 17 she actually started going out with this homeless guy (yes!! i kid you not!) who was 15 years younger than her

and brought him home to live with us 2 weeks later. i'm sorry what kind of parent does this!!?

i left home because he drove me out (he wanted my room)

ever since then i have been raising myself, i have had hard times and good. i did well and mananged to have a healthy relationship even, but for the most part i am hurt and damaged by my mother. im 39 yrs. old and all the pain and anger comes flooding out of me now at random times when i remember an instance where she neglected me or was just an idiot. i have not spoken to her in 2 yrs.

She called my ex husband (the only sane and decent person i have ever been with) to ask about me, since i wasn't responding to her after a psych. told me not to.

my ex told her basically that if she wanted a relationship with me, she would have to work on herself, get some help etc. her response to him was to say "oh." and then she stopped trying to contact me altogether.

my ex says it's probably easier to walk away than face her issues and be a mother to me, something she has not been since i was about 13 or 14 (she got jealous that men thought i was pretty and because i had a lot of friends and she didn't. she thinks like a child, it's scary.)

i dislike my mother so much that if i did, by some strange chance have children, i would never let them near her. ishe on the other hand wants me to have kids so bad she even suggested a.i., thinking that she gets to be a "grandma". no way.

it hurts so much, i have no family left, except for an aunt who lives far away. i feel anger and emptiness.

what do i do about her and how should i choose to go on with my life? i feel afraid to have relationships and don't like talking about my family.

it makes me sad when i see other people who have parents and siblings knowing i will forever be alone. forgiving my mother is hard and having a normal life with her is not possible. she will never get the help she needs and is incapable of real love.

i know this is a huge task for the professionals, i'm just curious to know what people think or if they have had a similar experience. thanks.

2 hours ago - 3 days left to answer.

Answer 1

Honey, those events in your life , you will never forget and will always stay with you... honestly, you have to take all that and learn from it. I went through quitw abit in my life too. and I honestly try not to let my emotions take over my life. I learned so much through my family friends starngers everyone, and I paved my own road.. I do not get along with some of my family members, it was tough to grow up w/them but I learned not to be like them. the only way out is up, take care of yourself, u can do anything. sorry i am so optimistic. btw your mom sounds sounds a lot like my sis. I know its not the same relationship, but It hurt me because we r same blood and she is my only sis. but to each there own I understood, and it took  me a while, I understood that she is selfish, and does not care about me, so I still speak with her but we're not close. you have your life , now build it, and do not be afraid...

Answer 2

yer NOT alone, I hadda learn 2 move on after 13 yrs of life-threatening childhood abuse. the mother particularly, carried their kids 9 long mos, & there should B an especially strong bond between mother & child, but unfortunately, in many cases like my own, my mom H8ed ALL her kids, even killing 1 2 yrs B4 my birth. i'd always heard that things make us, or break us. i'd ALSo heard that what don't kill us makes us stronger. Now, I hadda go thru MUCH counselling after all this mess was stopped, even having been moved around a lot, like every few yrs. i guess when a child's rescued, they apparently have a policy 2 prevent the kids from B'n found by abusers, so the rescuers move them around a lot. when yer moved around i can say there's hardly any time 2 get settled or attached in any way. it seemed that no sooner than I DID settle down or form any attachments, everything was taken away & i was uprooted against my will. NOW that i'm older & had a chance 2 settle down & form attachments that were ripped away from me @ an early age. i NOW know what a normal life is, & have had the blessing of living a good life w/o looking over my shoulder in fear of attack. I gaqve my life 2 Jesus & He removed ALL my fears, & EVEN removed enemies from around me. i'm developing in many areas where growth was stunted from all the havoc wreaked in my childhood, & NOW u'd NEVER even KNOW i was ever abused. during the stormes of life, i'd learned that abuse is an endless vicious cycle that NEVER just "goes away" w/o the abusers' desire 2 change, & those "good" times trick victims in2 THINKING things will change, (but they NEVER do). compared 2 where I WAS i'm in a FAR better world NOW than i was back then. u can NOW say that I'd gone Through The Storm To A Better World.

I'm in college now, w/ a brilliant future. i have a promising calling as a future astronaut/professional space traveler. When God speaks, He's VERY specific. there r now loving ppl in my life 2 help make my astronaut calling a reality.

REMEMBER; yer NOT alone out there. MANY kids have & will go thru life w/o the love of their mother's arms. these cases that DO survive IF they come 2 God, He WILL turn their lives around 4 the better. God KNOWS our needs, & He WILL send ppl in2 the lives of the needy; ppl who will B able 2 fill in the huge gaps. if u need a mother he'll send u a mother-figure. if u need a dad, God'll send u a dad-figure. I'd been so deeply robbed growing up that God has shown me such grace & mercy & I'd had MANY family-like ppl come in2 my life that have been used by God 2 fill in those huge gaps in my empty life. ALL of this is how i healed from everything that happened 2 me, & NOW i'm able 2 help others around me.

Answer 3

I am sorry that you had such a rough childhood. Its hard to make assesment without knowing either of you personally. But remember this she is your mother regardless. You would not be here if it was not for your parents. Where is your father? You sey it is a huge  task for professionals, when this is what they do for a living. They are not perfect but if you are honest with them they many times  can ease the pain. I have experienced the same type of pain. When my parents died they really did not know me too well. They had a problem with alochol and relationships like yours. Yet when they died I just tried  to make peace and let them know there was no hard feelings. Why? Because life in this system is temporary and there is always someone worse off I feel. Today I am a teacher and a counselor and am very sensitive to peoples feelings. I am not God. But having sincere concern for our fellow man will go a long way. The bottom line is don't give up. Talk to other parents or people your age and get their feedback. Most of all if you can see a pro. If you sey its not possible to have a relationship with your mom then it will never happen. Always try to think positive. Never give up. You will be ok. Start today by thinking of ONE thing that makes you happy in your life. Build up on that. I will pray for you and remember, NEVER GIVE UP, YOU WILL BE OK! BEST WISHES!