How do i regain lost trust?

Question

Ok. This is extremely complicated. My boyfriend and I have been together for 4 years and he is in a band. They practice like 5 nights a week. It is very time consuming. His bandmate's exgirlfriend (his girlfriend at the time) called me out of the blue one day and told me a bunch of stuff that he had supposidly been doing behind my back. (This was like a 2 months ago) She said he was lying to my face about what they were doing. Well, turns out this chick is extremly bipolar and the night before she called the police on my boyfriend's bandmate and told them he hit her when he didn't. At the time, I didn't know this had happened. Everything eventually got straightened out. We really never had any trust issues before this, but this has really screwed me up for some reason and I can't let it go. I question everything he does now. Check his history in our computer, check the phone as soon as I get home, just expecting to "catch" him doing something. It is literally driving the both of us mad. I think he has about had it, and so have I. Please help!

Answer 1

You can't repair a trust issue, you can only move on. It's the way you move on the makes the difference. Your lack of trust will eventually ruin the relationship so you have to make your decision now. Trust and love him unconditionally or let him go.

By the way, hearing third party rumor is another way of mis-trusting. The girl that called you with all the alledged things he was doing behind your back...It was your fault for believing her. Next time I suggest you tell your boyfriend what she said, as a matter of conversation. His response would give you more truth than that she  maggot spreading rumor. Jealously and mis-trust are the primary reason most relationships fail, try to rise above the rumor factory.

Answer 2

Trust is something that is earned once it has been lost.  If you don't just let this go, then the two of you will end up breaking up.  You have to just learn to live with the fact that this chick may have lied to benefit her and to harm your relationship...it's working.  You need to put this in the past and enjoy the here and now with your mate.  Let it go...life is too short.  Unless you have bullet proof evidence, then let it go.  She was trying to start trouble.

Answer 3

I think you should try to take care of yourself. Until he really does something that you want to get rid of him for forget talking to this girl.

Think of what your life will be without him then you will learn to forget or forgive. Your normal....hopefully he can be understanding. you probally want him to prove he didnt do those things and he cant. Im not going to preach to you on how you should trust him your human. Just pray about it God will give you strength to trust him agin. hopefully this will make your relationship stronger. Peace to you. And best wishes for the future other people will try to mess things up.

Answer 4

dating a guy in a band is a stressful thing, even when you have total trust in him.  Doesn't mean you trust the girls who come to see the shows.  My best friend's husband is in a band, and its something she has dealt with before.  I mean the girls flatter the guys in the band, we did it when we were younger too.  The thing you have to remember and you have to tell yourself constantly is that your guy has always been trustworthy correct?  Then why question it now, just because his bandmates ex says these things doesn't make them true.  Sounds like she was jealous of you and your boyfriend anyways.  Why stir up a bunch of trouble?  To take the spotlight off herself.  Set down with your boyfriend, talk to him about everything, tell him that this threw you off kilter and you know it isn't him.  Look at it from his point of view, see what this woman has done to your relationship, just because she said it doesn't make it true.  You have to have trust in  your relationship or these little girlfriends of bandmates and groupies will drive you insane and you and him apart if you let it.

Answer 5

It is stuff a bi-polar girl told you- let it go.

Just trust him, love and trust him like you always have.

Put aside all your fears and either stay with him and trust or leave if you can't get over it. Nothing was proven to be true so he is obviously a good man for 4 years. Chill out on him

Answer 6

It doesn't matter whether she is bipolar or not.  For some reason she called you and it's on of two things.  Either she was really upset with him for hitting her and she decided to tell on him, or she actually made the whole thing up just to hurt you both.  I'm going with she decided to tell on him.  One way to know if just start hanging around the band when they practice, off and on, and see what all does go on.  Don't snoop where he'll know you been doing it.  Only time will tell.

Answer 7

She may be bipolar, but she might have moments when she is on the level. You posting here says you are insecure and unsure of your future. Go with him to practices, all of them if you can, and see if there are groupies hanging out. That will shed some light.

Do they have a recording contract, do they play out anywhere, and are they good enough to make a living from music? It`s a tough world in the music industry, not all roses and mostly disappointments.

The last blurb is from personal experience. After jamming together for a while, they should be tight enough that they don`t need to practice so much. All bands have groupies, and groupies don`t care about marriage status or commitment. They hang out for one reason only. Now you need to find out what exactly is happening so you can make the right choice. Good luck.