How do i speak my mind?

Question

i was drunk today and i spoke my mind. and it felt good there for a few hours. but before i got drunk...i was a shell...and didn't say anything even though i had a lot on my mind. i felt all clammed up and didn't feel like i was contributing in any way during conversations.. i felt bad. are there any good practice techniques that you recommend that would help me speak my mind? without getting drunk of course.

Answer 1

James,

Your problem sounds very familiar to me. I have a girlfriend for almost a year now and she has a shy nature. It takes her a lot of time to be able to feel comfortable and speak her mind freely, especially around new people. Like you, she has tons of things to say, to express herself, lots of fascinating opinions. But she is so often blocked by shyness and embarrassment, which is a real shame. And yeah, she's also "free as a bird" when she's drunk.

(in your question you only described today's events, but I'm assuming you are referring to a general shyness issue...)

How to deal with it? Well, first of all ask yourself why you are so shy. What are you afraid of? Is it the social situation? How would you feel more comfortable? Maybe around fewer people? Maybe around people you know and trust? Maybe it would be a good idea to try speaking your mind around those kind of people first, before "escalating" to harder social situations.

It's a bit hard to help you without really knowing you, but again, I'm assuming you are simply shy. It takes a great deal of effort for someone to change their nature, but I really really think it's worth it in this case. Try to "overcome" yourself. When you're in a situation when you feel you really wanna say something, but simply can't, ask yourself why you dare not say it. Tell yourself "come on James, just say it". "Work on yourself".

It's possible (though hard and a bit scary...). I do it all the time regarding different issues, and it helps me improve myself and "get over myself" in times when I feel I'm a "victim of my nature" which is blocking from doing what I really think I should.

In the beginning it will be very hard and feel very unnatural and burdensome. But you'll be surprised to see the effect it will have. Maybe this way you can start adjusting yourself to a new pattern of behavior. With time, it might get easier and easier.

Another option I think is good would be to go to some kind of "workshop" or "forum". There are plenty of these and you can easily find one where they teach and practice how to speak your mind. My advice is, don't waste your time on psychological treatment. Focus on how to change the situation today and not on how this situation happened or what it really means. I know, it's a bit of a technical approach, but my experience with psychological treatments has taught me that often it's much more practical, easy, and helpful to simply practice ways to ease the problem rather than delve down into your early childhood on the psychologist's couch to find exactly how it happened... However I don't have any formal mental health education, this is just my opinion out of my own experience.

Another good idea would be to get a friend or even a girlfriend that would help "open you up". I do it to my girlfriend all the time and I think she has made a lot of progress since she met me... Of course most of it was thanks to her and not to me, but it helps a lot when someone close to you "keeps you in check" and regularly helps you speak out your mind. Sometimes it's even good if that somebody is harsh on you, forcing you to confront your shyness. Because it's hard.

And most importantly, don't give up. You're on the right track - you know you have things to say, and you are aware of your problem to say them. They say half a solution lies in diagnosis of the problem. Well, then you're already half way there!

I hope I managed to help you somewhat, and I really really wish you dazzling success in this journey for self redemption. If you believe in yourself, there's nothing on earth that can stop you.