How do i stop being so jealous and possessive?

Question

my partner is extremely good looking! so it comes up a lot that someone else shows interest, and it doesnt usually bother me unless i see them as a specific threat... at the moment another woman at my partners work is texting at unusual hours and becoming too friendly for my liking and its driving crazy! my partner swears nothing is going on and they have just become friends and i believe it but i'm still getting crazy jealous... how do i get over this and stop feeling this way?

Answer 1

just trust him ... he said that they are just friends , and if they are not u will know the truth faster than u expect ...  dont worry and relax to think clearly ...

Answer 2

this is definitely one of those times when u have to be possessive. tell ur bf to stop entertaining his coworker or u'r outta there.

Answer 3

You could beat her up? I'm sure that would show your boyfriend how much you love him. Or dump him and get an average looking guy. Seriously though sounds like you have some trust issues you need to work on, but personally I don't think men and women can just be good friends if there's mutual attraction, tell your boyfriend to find some dude to be friends with, why does he have to befriend women? I don't, if I did my wife would be pissed.

Answer 4

I knew someone like this years ago.  Her partner we all knew

well. and he stood by the fact they were just friends.

when this situation developed , she would call her home ,

and ask to speek to him and speak for hours about her problems

and this and that,   my friend got fed up , took the phone and

told her to stop calling as she was seriousley interfering with

their relationship.

He it turned out years later it was not entirely innocent like he was

portraying, He and another young man both with partners , were

actualy getting a lot of activity with this girl , whenever either of

them could manage....and neither of their partners new.!

One of the guys confessed a few years later to his partner about

the true nature of this girls relationship .

Bottom line , i think your guy is being a rat ! and also a coward he

needs to get affirmative and stop answering her calls , after all does

he want to spend time with her or you ?   ..... No excuses, and stop

blaming yourself for something that THEY are entirely wrong for doing.

Answer 5

It's all about feeling secure in a relationship...I am guessing that you aren't? There are people who get jealous over nothing, but I think most fit into the 'security' category...I know I do...If I'm feeling secure in a relationship, and I know inwardly that he's not looking to trade soon as something better comes along, then I'm fine...I think you should talk to him.

Answer 6

well... there is such a thing as righteous anger.

your partner should NOT be texting another woman regularly at ANY time let alone late at night or unusual hours. Workmates are just that...workmates. why does he need a female buddy? YOUR his female buddy. there is no need for this. He is doing you wrong and if he gets defensive about it he needs to ask himself why. chances are he KNOWS he is doing the wrong thing and will want to defend himself.

i would not put up with this...and my partner respects me enough not to do that c**p to me. and im the same, i dont have chummy boy mates here and there. I have guy friends but i never have text chats with them. i only see them when we go out in groups and stuff. thats all you need.

talk to your man, tell him how you feel (calmly and like a mature adult) tell him it makes you uncomfortable, and that you dont like how he texts her all the time. ask him why he does? what need does he have? tell him you dont want to sound like a jealous nag but you feel as though it is wrong and you wouldnt do it to him.

if he doesnt respect that what he is doing is overstepping your relationship boundaries then he needs to take a hike.

you need someone who respects you.

Answer 7

I don't know that you can get over those feelings.  If you feel something is a threat then maybe it is.  My question is that if your partner knows that you are feeling this way, why are they continuing this relationship no matter how Innocent it may be.  You need to discuss this with your partner.  Your partner should respect your feelings and they should be more important than a casual friendship.

Answer 8

I did that a lot, even with the man who is now my husband. It was harder on me than it was on him. It took time and a lot of understanding before I could let go of that and trust that he loved me.

One day I realized in my bones that he loved me and I was never jealous again. It was a hard road to that place, though. Nevertheless, now I'm glad I went through it.

I don't know whether or not your current partner will help you, but even though it's a problem you recognize stems from your own emotions, he needs to understand the how and why of how you feel, and you have to tell him. This is something you have to do without relating it to anything HE, or anyone except you, has done, and you need to ask for his help and patience. If he is the man for you, he will do this. Partners help each other. It's as simple as that. And this is about the relationship between you and him. Don't factor in anyone else.

If he can't or won't deal, your heart may be broken, but we all need someone who accepts us for the flawed, but lovable, people we are.

Go find that person if this one isn't him.

EDIT: Ask him to stop exchanging text messages with the woman. If he is secure enough as a man and you are the most important thing to him, he will.

I forgot to add a very important bit to my own story: the woman I was jealous of was DEAD. It was his ex-wife, someone I'd never met and who I believed I would never measure up to. But, unlike your partner, my guy NEVER did anything remotely suggesting a too-close attachment to someone else. I doubt we'd be married today if he had been.

So listen to the people here saying that there is something suspicious about this behavior. I have to say that I wouldn't permit it.

Answer 9

no honey. a guy doesnt txt another girl at random hours b/c they are friends. he is getting something out of this. as for your work partner--id throw a stapler at her head

guys hardly wanna hear what their girlfriends have to say why would he be txting back and forth and listening to another girl if he wasnt getting anything out of it. i mean are you txting guys at all hours of the day that you are strictly friends with (have never had a thing with or thought about having a thing with)

Answer 10

There is no reason another woman should be texting your boyfriend. No matter what the hour is, if she has a work question she can ask someone else. I would tell him that your not comfortable with it. But you also can't keep your boyfriend from having friends either. Tell him how you feel though. If he doesn't respect your wishes, then its time to move on.

Answer 11

Your feelings are legitimate, as he is behaving in a caddish, insensitive manner and this texting is not conducive to security at all.

Answer 12

Honesty, I wouldn't ignore your intuition.  Whenever someone is texting your significant other late at night on a regular basis, it's not a good sign

Answer 13

Sorry cant help coz I think i would feel the same way given that they work together and yet still text each other after work at weird times? She is totally trying to weasel in.  

Answer 14

expressing jealousy to your partner will only have the opposite to the desired effect.   You can't do much about her, some women just want men that are taken.  Concentrate your eforts on yourself, not how you look but the person you are.  Men like respect, if he knows he has your respect and you fill his love tank, he will not fall for her ways.

To fill someones love tank you need to speak their love lanuguage     1/ words - encouragement, appreciation, note on the mirror in lipstick etc. 2/ physical touch - a hug when they get home, a gesture of affection 3/ quality time - taking time to listen, sit together  4/ acts of service - cooking dinner, doing dishes, mowing lawn etc  5/ Gifts - buying flowers,  wrapping gifts nicely.     Think about these things and then think how your partner has shown you he loves you.   Not what you like - that's your love language, but what he tends to do.  If you speak each others love language neither of you will be looking for love from other sources.   There is a great book called the five love languages, I think it's by Dr  Townsend?   My sister in law said if she had read it earlier it wpuld have saved her marriage.    cya

Answer 15

If you really love your partner, you'd trust him and what he tells you. If he hides something from you or doesn't tell you the truth, that's when you get all crazy. BUT before that, talk to him first, and ask him NICELY, if there's anything going on with him and that other woman. Also, don't be too jealous and get all crazy because he's gonna think that you don't trust what he does and he will obviously get really tired of you and eventually dump you. Don't get possessive, and the way to do that is... Well, I don't know. That is for you to firgue it out. You have to solve that problem yourself. Be with your friends for now... Something like that... Just think of a way that you will be able to forget about that girl!