How do i stop having her in my head ?

Question

Hi there. Im the 35 year old UK man who has recently been posting about my colombian ex-girlfriend ( after 2.5 years she totally deserts me)! My next question is..........how can i stop thinking about her ? Sometimes i feel like im going to go totally insane......its been 6 months since she decided not to bother with me, but i dream about her, i find myself sexually fantasising about her ( even when i tell myself not to, arrgghhh) and every morning i feel terribly depressed and she is immediately in my thoughts.

Im wondering if i consistently tell myself i must forget her from now on she will disappear from my thoughts.

I almost feel like i can see her laughing at me with her new partner......telling him how pathetic i am.

I really love her and the fact i never speak to her now kills me. I feel like im in love with an illusion or most of the time i feel like she is still with me for a moment when the next moment i know she isnt.

I just wont seem to accept it.

What is going on ? and how do i block all this ? I feel like im walking around without my soul mate and it kills me

Answer 1

Just try to keep yourself busy. I know how this is as I had the same problem but I had to and still have to live in the same town as my ex. It is like you have lost someone, almost as if they are dead. It is easier for you than it was for me because you don't have to see that person. you only see her in your head. I concentrated on my career more, made new friends and went out. Things still aren't picture perfect but it is getting better. It just takes time. You will come to accept that that art of your life was a learning experience. Relationships are like a massive gamble, only you are not gambling with something like money. You are actually gambling with yourself and your heart. You are vulnerable to someone and under their power. You are not the pathetic one though. The one that does the hurting is, not the one who is afflicted.

Things will get better in time and you will move on but don't push yourself and make the mistake of hurting someone else the way she hurt you, intentionally or unintentionally. Don't start seeing anyone right away in case the vicious circle starts.

Just take life one day at a time and it will get better. One morning you will wake up and not thing of her and once you can do that then you are ready to fall in love again and trust again and open your heart once more. Your life may seem like it's over right now but it is just the beginning of it, believe me. You are free to travel, change career, improve your career, be with your family and friends and make new friends. You can go out more and meet new people and see where life takes you. Accet your destiny and fate. This was written for your own good. She was just not the right girl for you although you thought she was. You will wake up and realise that one day.

Answer 2

I am getting sick about you and your Colombain GF.

You need a lady so that you can release your tensions

Answer 3

You need to help yourself get out of this.. .you have no one else but yourself to help heal yourself.. if you let yourself hurt, who's going to be there with you when you cry? Don't do this to yourself... Comfort yourself, love yourself and get yourself back...Unless you commit to constantly consoling yourself, you can't get out of this and it becomes a viscious cycle... Always keep in mind that you're hurting becoz of her and she's probably somewhere else with someone else.. so tell yourself that you will forget her, you will be happy without her, you can live life without her, you will meet someone new, someone totally wonderful and you will have a happy life.. keep reminding yourself of this... a beautiful life is just waiting to uncover.. so let it happen.. Keep reminding yourself constantly how important you are..  you're too important to be crying over her...  

Answer 4

Allot of the advice so far is about moving on, keeping busy, going out, distraction etc... truth is none of that will do you any good if you've been feeling like that for six months, I would start to consider getting some professional help, it's too long to pine for someone and it sounds like she's really consuming your mind and your quality of life is suffering, some kind of cognitive therapy may very well help you. Most of us have probably been there at some point or another, it's amazing how the unattainable turns to obsession, try to look at the relationship you had with her honestly and ask yourself was it really so great or have you built it up in your head because she left? All obsessions can be broken with the right approach, and it sounds like she has become an obsession, which means you may not be able to deal with this on your own.

The truth is you probably won’t completely get her out of your head until you fall in love with someone else, I know what you’re going through and it sucks, just draw comfort from that fact this is part of the human condition. Try not to picture her with anyone else, only pain lies there and have a look for an external source of support, best of luck.

Answer 5

i know how you feel. my ex broke up with me a couple of weeks ago and im still somewhat miserable. but youre verylucky she lives far away becasue my ex lives close and the other day he rubbed it in how he got a new girlfriend thats older than both of us. the best thing to do is to keep busy.

Answer 6

I have been going through this also.  A friend of mine gave me some advise she got from a counselor she was seeing.  People have a hard time stopping thinking about something old, so what we need to do is start thinking of something new.  Really, prayer helps me.  I ask God to take him out of my head and help me find truth.  Exercise helps too.  And finally I know that meeting new people and being social is the only thing that is going to finally take him out completely.  6 months is long enough.    Go out.  I'm going to too.

Answer 7

You're going to have to occupy your mind with something else hun - I know its hard but you're going to just have to do it. Remove ALL memories of her from your house -  photos - letters - whatever..... would you consider joining something like a dating site - perhaps emailing new women and then possibly organising new dates might keep your mind busy?

xx

Answer 8

Love is love my friend,welcome aboard!

Answer 9

That's love and loss. You're hurting. All I can say is time and more time.

Try to make sure you are kept busy in other things.

Least time you have to think the better.

All the best.

Answer 10

It's all part of the natural grieving process. Try and make more of an effort to move on - Your actually quite luckily (might not feel like it) that she lives so far away..... You won't hear of any new bf's she may have or what she's doing. Try meeting up with friends more, to keep yourself occupied and busy. Then even think about dating a little. It will get easier, honestly. I hated feeling like that aswell. Good Luck. Embrace your singledom haha

P.s I've noticed you wrote the same question quite a few times. If your feeling Really that depressed- h**l, i'll go out with ya

Answer 11

well you really need to move she has go out have fun live life you cant do this to yourself is she really worth not living life to the fullest love hurts the only way to get over it is by making new memories with friends and family and then eventually you'll find someone new to love

good luck  

Answer 12

It takes time

It helps (minimally) if you keep occupied.