How do i stop my toddler biting her younger brother?

Question

my daughter is nealy 3 and she is constantly biting her 1yr old brother it pains me to see this as she bites so hard it leaves a mark that lasts a few days and sumtimes bruising me and my partner have had first hand experience with it and it even hurts us! we do say NO! in a firm voice it doesnt work we have even tried punishing her but nothing she thinks its funny my partner has been in tears over it we dont know what else to do we are at the end of our teather please help!!! i would like some answers from anyone who has had this problem and succeded in stoping it thankyou

Answer 1

This would be a good time to start teaching her empathy. Show her that her actions hurt her brother and make you sad. Tell her that you love her but that she needs to love him and not bite "her" brother. This is a good mommy and toddler moment when you can get her to the point of her own  sadness. She maybe feeling some jealousy towards him and acting out. Be sure to give plenty of hugs if she cries. If you send her to the corner she should not be reminded of her bad deed when she is done with her time.

She may respond to the "catch her being good" theory. Give her compliments when she is being good, but try to avoid references to being good towards her brother. You don't her because of her being nice to her brother, you love her no matter what. Thank her for being a good helper in different ways. Sometimes reward her with a hug for bringing you something, a hug for picking things up, a special treat for playing quietly, and even a smile while looking deep into her eyes will go a long way!  

Answer 2

When she bites, bite her back really hard until she bruises - enough

to cause her some pain (don't worry - it won't kill her). Do this enough times & she'll get the message.

Answer 3

bite her back she will know how it feels then

Answer 4

my daughter went through a phase of this after a girl at nursery started biting everyone. You need to find a punishment that works so she learns. I'm currently fighting with mine over her new habit of spitting at people and i think she's starting to realise how serious i'm taking it. Have you tried the naughty step?

Answer 5

My 3 yr old bit me once in a fit of temper and I bit her straight back with the same degree of force. She didnt do it again. My hubby thought I was being too harsh but it worked.

Answer 6

I don't know your opinions on discipline but the only thing that I have seen actually work other than them growing out of it is biting them back.  I have talked to numerous other parents that have said the same. After trying spanking, time outs, taking toys away, the only thing that worked was biting them back.  But you have to do it right when they bite.

Answer 7

The best advice was to bite them and they'll soon stop.

But in this day and age, it's the naughty step otherwise the PC brigade will jail you.

Answer 8

teach her to be gentle. You can punish the wrong behavior as much as you want but until you teach her a new behavior, she'll continue.

When she bites instead of taking the firm "NO" and punishment route, which isn't working, try something different. Immediately give ALL your attention to the baby and care for the bite first. Act sad that the baby is hurt. This way you are teaching her to feel empathy about what she did rather than angry. Rub the baby's arm and say "ohhhh you hurt the baby, that's so sad", while making a really sad face. Kiss the boo boo better and then tell her "be gentle" and have her rub the boo boo and kiss it better. Then say "we don't hurt people". This way you are teaching her that the baby has feelings. The old way is just punishing her for biting but does it make her feel empathetic toward the baby? No it just makes her resentful and more angry. I would also take opportunities to work on this at other times as well. If she has a favorite stuffed animal or baby doll you can pretend the baby is hurt and show her how to care for the baby, you can role play and pretend one of her dolls bit the other and then have her care for the doll who was bit and have her tell the doll who bit that wasn't nice. Role playing like this when it's not in the heat of the moment can really help.

This is called creative parenting and takes more effort but it is effective in teaching and changing behavior for the long term unlike punishment which is a temporary fix to a wrong behavior. So many parents are quick to punish and spank and "bite back" (which is ridiculous to bite back), rather than taking the time to teach anything.

EDIT: after reading the responses, I am astonished at the number of people who would bite a child...the ignorance in this is just insane and I can't believe that many people are THAT stupid.

Answer 9

I had this problem myself. I was devastated when my child would bite other kids at play group. I always thought the biting back theory was stupid. What are you teaching them. You yell no biting, and then you bite them? I personally would not even be able to bite her hard enough to hurt her.

I would right away grab her, give her a slap in the mouth (more for her to fully understand it was her biting I was referring to) and put her in the corner.I would make her stay there for quite awhile too. I made her apologize. She only did it a few more times, and then just outgrew as people told me she would.

It is frustrating, but keep on her and she will eventually stop.

Answer 10

Hi. First of all I'd have to ask if you give this little girl as much attention now as you did before you had that child? It is common for the first child to feel neglected when their parents have another baby. I'm not saying you are neglecting her at all, it's just a feeling, probably ;)

But it could just be a jealousy thing. She might be looking for attention and thinking "bad attention is better then no attention at all"... If it is the case, rewarding her good behaviors by spending a little "alone" time with her might help settle the problem.

Keep on punishing her using time out or whatever other method you usualy use when she misbehaves.

Please do not hit your child "on the mouth" :( don't bite either -- unless you think you should teach your child to respond to violence with violence!!!

Answer 11

the best way is normally for you to bite the naughty child but don`t break the skin or leave a mark as htis could get you into serious trouble,

Answer 12

Don't bite her back (or any other type of physical punishment - that would not teach her anything, but the fact that the stronger person can get their way with violence - and she's stronger than her brother).

You say "punish" her but you don't say what kind of punishment and how consistent and persistent you are with her. She should learn the "hard way" that violence will get her nowhere. She's already in an age where she can understand that she gets no desert, no TV (if you let er watch TV), etc. if she behaves that way. And as I said, you must be consistent - she sees it drives you mad and she likes it. You should make it clear: you're not "having fun" (playing, reading a story, etc.) with children who bite, because it is not fun.

On the other hand, if she behaves, it is extremely important that she'll be rewarded, and again, proportionally.

I also recommend "The Discipline Book" by Dr. William Sears about loving and non violent ways to get children to behave.