How do i tell a friend i don't want his wife to come to my wedding?

Question

My fiance's best friend starting dating a woman whom I became very close to. We were really close right up until after her wedding. She has never been a big fan of my fiance, but after her wedding she told me she despises him and wouldn't stand up for me at mine. We haven't talked since then (there was not fight or anything, just stopped talking). Now, we are having a wedding in the courthouse and a reception afterwards. We only want close family at the courthouse (which would include the fiance's friend) but everyone at the reception. I would rather her not come to the reception (she is a brat and would ruin her husband's time), but I definately DO NOT want her at the courthouse. How do I tell her or him without being rude? And should I go to her, or have my fiance tell his friend?

Answer 1

If you really don't want her there and don't care about her feelings then I think you need to just be blunt and say so. If you beat around the bush then no one will really understand that you really don't want her there. Also, since you don't want her there I would plan on the friend probably not coming to the reception. A marriage is a package deal and I am pretty sure you would be fuming if you weren't invited to a wedding or big event with your husband because you two are family, regardless of circumstance. Especially at a function where there is couple's things such as dancing, dining, etc. If he is such a good friend he might show up at the courthouse, but you can't expect him to desert his wife, because of the situation between you two, and you can't expect her to be telling him he shouldn't be going for x amount of reasons because it is disrespectful to her, even though she has been beyond dis-respectful to you! Just some things to consider before approaching the situation! Good luck!

Answer 2

Sounds like the friend shouldn't be there either. A married couple comes as a twosome and if you don't want her there then  he shouldn't be invited either. If he is aware of the problems with the wife and you it should not come as a surprise to him.

Answer 3

Listen, Toots,

First, you NEVER invite half of a married pair...unless one of them is an axe murderer in jail....it's either both or none...so if you  really don't want her there...then you don't invite either, husband or wife.

...and if you think about it, if she isn't invited but her husband is, she's gonna blame your FH for making you do that, whether he did or not, and boy will that add fuel to the flame as far as her jabs at your fiance.

Besides, your fiance is a big boy and he doesn't need you to ride to his rescue....and his friend doesn't need you to prevent his wife from spoiling his good time at your wedding either.....he has a mouth you know, sounds like he needs to stop being Mr. Wimp and use it with her.

I would speak to her husband...tell him he has got to talk to her & tell her she will be ejected from the wedding if she misbehaves just once......good luck.

Answer 4

So long as her husband is invited, I would think that it is not really possible having her not come without hurting her feelings. Perhaps it would be a good time to try to bury the hatchet with her?

If not, then you are pretty much left with 3 options: invite both, invite neither, or invite the husband and be straight forward and just tell her in a nice way that unfortunately she isn't invited.

Hope that helps.

---

Pye

Los Angeles Wedding Photographer

Lin and Jirsa Photography

http://www.linandjirsa.com

Answer 5

Well, if you are not concerned about hurting her feelings, then just tell her that you do not want her at any part of your wedding.  Then let them battle about whether or not he will attend.

Answer 6

I think if you still like the husband, you would not make an issue of this out of respect for him. Married people get invited to things together -- its a package deal. You cant invite one and not the other without hurting BOTH of their feelings.

Answer 7

You cannot invite one and not the other one,. They are married and he's your HTB best friend. Invite them both or neither.

Good luck

Answer 8

text her and say that you don't want her at the wedding which it sounds like she wouldn't want to go anyway but have your man talk to her husband and make sure he will be coming.

Answer 9

You cannot invite part of a couple.  But since she has made her feelings clear, I think that your fiance should be able to say to this friend, "listen, we'd love to have you at our wedding, but considering how your wife feels about me, it would be more comfortable for us if she isn't at the courthouse, but she is welcome to come to the reception"

Who knows, he may surprise your fiance and say that she doesn't want to come anyway.

Answer 10

I think if you tell your friend not to bring his wife, you will ruin the friendship.

Answer 11

you know that if you do this.. your wife's friend will take offense and not show up either.. do you really want that?

Answer 12

I wouldn't want her there either. Talk to your fiance and see what he wants to do. Maybe he wants to talk to his friend alone or maybe he thinks the both of you should approach him. Since it is his friend I think he should make the call on how to approach him.

Also be prepared for that friend to take it badly. Even if he knows the situation and understands he might not take it well. Then again he could have no problem with it.

If this woman doesn't like your fiance why would she want to come anyway?

I wish you the best of luck.

Answer 13

tell the guy that you aren't getting along well with the girl and then tell him your reasons for not wanting her there...maybe he will consider going alone...but if not...maybe just not invite either of them... sorry about your problem

Answer 14

You can not invite one spouse and not the other.  However, if the feelings the wife has are as such, she will most likely be 'sick' and not attend.  

Invite both but express-in very polite terms- your concerns to your best friend.  Again, wife will most likely be unavailable to attend the celebration.  However, if she does attend, and wife is not gracious during the wedding and reception, the best friend will 'control her'.