How do i tell her i dont want her to be my maid of honor anymore (long story - sorry)?

Question

jessie was always my best friend. i've known her for about 21 years. for the past few years (about 6 now) she's been getting really weird. she had moved away to go to college and she would show up back home suddenly and get upset when i couldnt go out to the bars that night (hey, i work, i need a little notice other than "we'll be here at 11 - wanna come?"). then she started forgetting my birthday - not even a call. then i found out she was moving across country the DAY before she left! since she moved (a little over a year ago) its gotten even worse. she doesnt return phone calls, emails, text messages, im's... nothing. but apprently she's doing that to her brother and father as well. her little brother is all alone now because their mom died in december and i cant believe she's treating him like that (they dont get along with the father and he doesnt live in the state since they were in the process of a divorce when she died).

when i got engaged last year i asked her to be my MOH since we always talked about her doing it. she said yes, and that was like the last time i really heard from her. my only other bridesmaid as picked out the dress, i've emailed, im'ed, posted on jessie's myspace, texted her the dress and where to get it, and i havent heard back at all! my wedding is in may so i'm starting to stress. back in july, after not hearing from her for almost 4 months, i texted her asking if she really wanted to be in my wedding (played it off like it was costing too much for the plane tickets and the dress on top of it since she was just buying a new house) and she actually wrote back "are you kidding i wouldnt miss it for the world" and thats all i ever heard from her. the other day she signed online and i sent her a message "hello?" and 10 minutes later she signed off without ever saying anything.

i've gotten to the point where i dont even want her to come to my wedding anymore. not to mention since she moved i dont have her new address so i cant even mail her an invite. but if she's going to act like this and not even tell me if she's at least TRIED on the dress i dont know what to do!!

not that it has anything to do with it, but she's g*y. she's been with this one girl for a little over 6 years, i love her to death and she knows it, but i feel like i'm not "g*y" enough for her. i'm her only straight friend, and i feel like she's pushing me out.

even if i tell her i dont want her in my wedding anymore, its not like i ever get a respose from her so i dont know what to do! i found out that she came back to the area last month for her L*****n friends wedding, and she didnt even tell me she was here! she was all of 15 minutes away!

help... i'm so depressed over the whole thing. what would you do in my situation

Answer 1

This sounds like a big problem and with your wedding getting closer you must be stressing a lot. The first thing to do is just relax and calmly think about the problem at hand. Jessie has been your friend for a long time, but you've drifted so far apart and I think you're finally realising it's time to let go of her. If she was really excited about your wedding she would have gotton in touch more often and at least made an effort, it seems that you both might want the same thing. Maybe this is her way of telling you she doesn't want to be in the wedding but doesn't want to hurt your feelings. The best thing to do is just tell her the truth, send her a message on every communication device you can, and try calling her mobile phone, not just texting because there is more of a chance she will pick up. And in the end you might just have to give up and leave it and if she does show up to the wedding your just going to have to tell her it's too late and she just has to be guest. Good Luck x

Answer 2

Im kind of in the same boat... you know when you're young and think of your dream wedding you always expect your best girl pal to be there for your big day to fix your dress, or hold your flowers and hold your dress up while you go pee... then things happen and people start to drift apart and if shes not around to see whats happening in your life then shes not there to see the new relationships you are forming with other girls who would probably be more worthy and more excited to be your maid of honor. I actually decided to go with someone in my actual family and just told my friend that I decided it would mean more to me to choose someone who could be by my side helping me plan, make decisions, and be close by to help out in a pinch if i need her and i don't want you too be upset because i still want you to be a part of my day as a guest but i just don't feel the moh thing is going to work..... follow your heart and make your day the way that you want it because most likely and hopefully and it only happens once in your life so do it your way!  

Answer 3

You have to be honest with her. I know what you mean about not wanting people in your wedding anymore because of the way they have acted. I had a huge ordeal with my bridesmaids and their mom to the point that we aren't even friends anymore. They were still in my wedding and the wedding went fine but it just wasn't the same after that. I know the maid of honor is a different story. Like I said, just be honest with her. You might even want to tell her that you know you have a lot on your mind right now and I am here to help but just can't deal with it in my wedding. Just be there for her as a friend. She should understand.

Answer 4

This is what you do. First thing is I don't blame you for feeling the way you do. I would feel the same way. BUT>>>give the girl a DEADLINE>>>>>>>  and stick to it. Email her or better yet call her if you can and tell her that if you don't hear from her about the dresses for the wedding by such and such a date, then you don't want to do this, but your short on time and that you'll have to get another maid of honor. Chances are you won't hear from her, then you just pick someone else out. And then go through with it. You have enough to deal with. You don't need this c**p!!!  Then don't be in touch with her anymore. She sounds like she has alot of issues she has to resolve. But thats not your problem. Your concern is your wedding. As it should be. GOOD LUCK>> and congradulations on your wedding.

Answer 5

just be honest that is the best way dont bulls*** around and waste time and energy you could be putting to use, this is your wedding and you make the decisions who cares if they get upset just be u