How do i tell my bf i want to get married?

Question

First let me say i'm sorry this turned out so long but i really need advice. Me and my bf have been together for almost a year, i know that isn't very long but i feel like i'm ready to get married. I mentioned it once before but he said "i like the way things are now, i don't want that to change" He's been engaged once before and it went really bad. i think its because of that, that he doesn't want to. he always tells me he's loves me more than anyone he's dated including his ex-fiance(who was his high school sweetheart, they were together on-off for 4 years), and he says i treat him better than all his past gfs. Maybe he doesn't love me like i love him, am i wasting my time? Or am i being selfish? Should I give him time?

Answer 1

Give him time.  I am in a similar situation and I know my guy just needs time.  He was burned really bad in his last relationship and he still has some issues about it over 3 years later.  Give it time!

Answer 2

I think this answer depends on a lot of factors, for instance your age. And also, use your instinct. You know your partner more than anyone else in the world, and you probably shouldn't rush him if you know he isn't ready. But then again, when my boyfriend asked me to marry him, we were 15 years old, freshmen in highschool, and hadn't previously discussed it. It pretty much just popped up, and we were both happy with it.

But really, I don't think it would hurt talking to him about it. If you can't approach him about it, you probably shouldn't be thinking of marriage in the first place. It just depends.

Answer 3

Sweetie, I think you need to slow down. If you and him are meant to be then it will be. You are so young and you need to be concerned with you and figure out what you want to do with your life outside of him. Are you going to college? Once you have kids your life changes and it is not about you anymore, so take time for yourself while your young. Good Luck.  

Answer 4

never pressure a guy about getting married, they tend to back out more or get scared of the idea... give him time... enjoy what you two have right now... why the rush?!

Answer 5

Well typically the way to tell someone you want to get married is to ask them "Will you marry me". However, given that you have two warning flags for being at high risk for divorce (you're living together, and you're 19) then I would recommend waiting longer, to be 100% sure.

So: give him more time. Don't ask, don't hint.

Answer 6

Usually a mature couple who has been dating a few years seriously would be talking about marriage.

However, not surprised that he's happy with things as they are, it's very common with couples shacking up. He doesn't want or need to get married... he's got it all.

You're very young, as you'll hear from most people. Maybe he's waiting for your brain to be fully developed, which happens by about 21 or so - or wants you to be done with your post-secondary education so you aren't solely dependent upon him.

Answer 7

It sounds like you have already told him that you want to be married. Unfortunately, I think you made a mistake when you moved in together.  Why would he want to get married, when he can "pretend" to be married already? You are giving him the benefits of a marriage without the commitment. Actually, a year is not a long time to be dating. You are still really young. You need to concentrate on school and job, so that you can support yourselves comfortably if you do get married. Don't be in such a rush. Give him time to be ready. A marriage will not work unless you are both prepared for it. Don't force the issue or you will regret it later.

Answer 8

Yes, you should never ever pressure a man to marry you and if you don't want to wait it is just best to move on to find someone who wants to marry you  

Answer 9

If you've only been together a year, I'd just leave it for a while. Very few people get engaged within a year of dating- just give him time! What's the big rush?

If in another year it hasn't been brought up again, I'd mention it to him that you are interested in getting married, but not in a way that will pressure him.

Answer 10

The short answer is, it depends.  

You are not being selfish, but you have to ask yourself why it is so important to get married.  How old are you?  Do you want to get married to start having children?  Or would one of you benefit from the health insurance of the other?  

If you are in your 30's then a year of dating should be long enough for the two of you to decide that you want to be married.  If you are in your mid 20's then I would say there is no huge rush and take more time to enjoy the relationship, but have a timeline in your head of how long you want to spend with this guy before you move on.

Some men don't want to get married.  Some propose when they are ready regardless of who they are dating at the time.  I don't think that you should look at his not asking as him not loving you like you love him.  He sounds like he does love and appreciate you.  But, him saying that he doesn't want things to change, well, you have to take a look at what you want and evaluate how he fits in to your picture.  If he says that he NEVER wants to get married and you definitely want marriage, then I would give him a little more time and then if he doesn't change his mind, I would move on.  But if he can tell you that it's in the distant future then you've got something to work with.

Good luck!