How do i tell my husband that i want an open marriage?

Question

or just put the idea out there. i think he would go for it, but i dont know how to bring it up.

Answer 1

If you want to sleep around with other men why did you get married in the first place? You should have stayed single. Your married vows apparently means nothing to you and does not to your husband too if he accept this idea of yours.

Answer 2

Just ask him...and if you're thinking like that then you DEFINITELY got to find out if he can handle it or not...and if he can't....then you have to leave him.  Cause if you think like that already then you shouldn't even be in the marriage, you should just find a swinger and live happy.....otherwise you'll just keep wishing you could be with a bunch of different men, and eventually might even cheat...and it jsut goes downhill from there.

Answer 3

This is something that should have been discussed prior to taking marriage vows. If you tell him now, you risk damaging your marriage only because the agreement prior to marriage was monogomy. You could risk it and see how he reacts, but be warned that this may set you on the path to divorce. Once we say things, we cannot take them back.  

Answer 4

why?  if you think your husband would go for it, why dont you just say so.  what do you get out of this?STDs?  

Answer 5

why did you marry? to ask him that is like saying i want a divorce are i want sleep with someone else while you watch.if you value your marriage don,t do it.

Answer 6

You mean like sleeping around while married???? Thats just wrong

Answer 7

He is that bad in bed?  Wow, well you never know he might like the idea, you know guys and s*x.

Answer 8

I just don't understand why the h**l you got married when you want to sleep around with other people.Open marriage is a BS & I don't believe in it.  

Answer 9

So apparently your marriage vows mean nothing to you if you want to s***w other men.

You should have stay single if you want to sleep around.

Answer 10

Casually bring up the subject and see where it leads you. Honesty is always the best policy!

Ginni

Answer 11

Just start in the bedroom with talking about "fantasies". Let it go from there. Do it when you are both turned on and ready to have s*x. Talk dirty about different situations that could happen.

Answer 12

This is really an exciting period for a marriage, if the time is right, and if both partners are kind of open to the idea. I would highly recommend that your marriage be very strong. There are many reasons why not to get into an open marriage. If you want to enhance it, enhance your s*x life that you all ready like and love, then it may be a go. If you are doing it for any other reason, bad idea.

My favorite book on the subject is Jenny Block's "Open: Love, s*x, and Life in an Open Marriage." I would go buy this book, just to learn how a regular person went from mono to open. She made a lot of the first time mistakes, and she really talks openly about them. Once you get to thinking about all that involved, it's really a wild way to go. Now I will say she was for an open marriage. She wasn't a swinger. There is a difference there too. Opening your marriage is getting another boyfriend/girlfriend on the side. They will typically interact with your spouse, will go on dates with you and your spouse at times, especially if you become an item. I would watch that old 1982 movie with your spouse, "Summer Lover" with Daryl Hannah as that has to be the most romantic open three way relationships or triads. They were not quite married, but that's the general idea, plus a good selling point to an unsure spouse. A good talking point at any rate.

Swingers on the other hand are the extreme. They meet up, become friends, throw parties, and can have many short-term partners. Sometimes they don't hook up with anybody, sometimes they are with everybody, depending on the person and the group. I believe Swingers  really answer the real fantasy level of sexual and party encounters. They are in it for the party, and once the party is over, all go home to meet up again either the next weekend, or never again.

Open marriage is not like that. It can be brief, just as it can be when you're single, but there will be relationships where you can be dating the person for months, years, and share living arrangements with them. That's the real contrast.

Another important point to consider is that when you are single it's hard to meet people. When you are married, it's even harder. People for some odd reason can handle the accidental affairs, but cannot handle so much when they know they are allowed to be with a spouse. Something doesn't sit well most of the time, so being open is not as easily as it sounds. Many OM people wondering into the single scene never to find anyone but a one night stand. For a real open marriage to work, I believe you must spend a lot of extra time developing friendships with people you like. My belief is that they need to come in closer to your life, as time goes by-but not too fast because you have to also consider your spouse and maybe even children making it even more tricky. They become like a sister or brother to your family, with little regard about becoming apart of your personal and sexual life, meaning they will need to fit in, and evolve with you and your life. It's just got to happen. Unfortunately, like being single, you have to bump along. Learn more about who you are, and those around you, all while in a serious relationship with your spouse. You never ever let your spouse down, and you never cheat on them, but even more, you never break the ground rules. You can negotiate them all the time, but never break them.

Which lastly, you have to come up with a lot of ground rules. This means a lot of talking with your spouse about all the what if's. You go over how all ideas hit you, and them. You talk about what happens if it goes bad. How are you two going to recover, and how it will end if it does not work out. Typical ground rules are how sexual the relationship will be. Will you be allowed to kiss, be allowed to go out at certain times, will dates be in the same town (so you don't run into family and friends who will assume you are cheating). All these ideas have to addressed. I would also talk about what the potential relationship will bring to the marriage, as it's all really for your marriage. Will you be reliving encounters, or will you share your partner, if your spouse and partner are interested? There has to be something in it for both and the marriage or it will fade and fail.

I would also check out: http://www.lovemore.com/. This is a Poly site, but it has lots good info for anyone outside the mono lifestyle, and open marriages are more related to Poly marriages than swinging.

Lastly, really research your sexual protection. It needs to be more than a condom. Research the massive experiences of swingers, as they know this stuff as a science.

Also, I have noticed constantly with YA is that the better the alternative lifestyle post, outside a hetro-mono marriage circle, the more critical. These people are really scared of this stuff, and want to prove you wrong by any means necessary. You might want to make a note of my info as the Bible scary will often report it to knock it off. They want you to be scared with fears of STD's and divorces.

Good Luck!

Answer 13

why did you get married if you wanted to sleep around?

Answer 14

first off see if he has any interest in sharing you with another woman and if that goes then keep the ball rolling peace dom4alady

Answer 15

Just tell him but be prepared for a divorce.  

Answer 16

well an open relationship all that means is one of two things you are not happy in your present situation and your looking for an excuse to go outside your relationship with no type of consequences, or maybe you already have and just want to cover your tracks or 2 you just like or want to be a s**t and not care about the sanctity of marriage and that your whole married isn't worth the paper you printing it on.  

Answer 17

Hey if you both do it be prepared for him to meet a nice lady who wants true love and a proper marriage.  

Answer 18

Why bother being married if your looking to have relationships outside the marriage? You should have stayed single and got what you wanted without breaking vows or his heart. You are treading very dangerous waters my dear.You are sacrificing your marriage for some instant gratification.