How do i tell my wife that i have a child with her mom?

Question

this is not a joke, It started about 10 years ago when my wife just stopped wanting to have s*x, and since my parents are long passed i went to her parents for advice. Her father was out of the house and her mother asked me what was wrong, i told her and she said she had the same problem with her husband. So one thing lead to another and i was in bed with her, and she became pregnant, I NEED HELP NOW!!

Answer 1

Get ready to be hit with divorce papers. You gave your wife a brother. You slept with your wife's Mom. Making a decision to sleep with your wife's Mom doesn't just happen. You made the decision to be 'in bed with her' and then to not practice safer s*x. Why after 10-11 years do you have the urge to tell your wife now? Was this a 1 night thing or has this been going on for a long time?

Before you do anything, get some help and figure out the best way to deal with your son/brother-in-law's mental state once this is out in the open.

Answer 2

I think the first thing I would do is see a psychiatrist to find out why you and her mother both thought incest was acceptable in the first place. You both have serious problems and you didn't sleep with each other simply because you thought you couldn't live without s*x.

Frankly, you should be more worried about what your father in law is going to do to you for getting his wife pregnant.

Answer 3

Man that sucks.  You are on your own on that one.

Answer 4

This is a very complicated situation, but you will just have to tell her the the whole story. Dont lie about anything... i hope her mother is gettin an abortion

Answer 5

Theres no sense in anyone saying anything negative now, it's too late for that.

I'd say keep it between you and your mother-in-law if possible. If you tell your wife, she'll loose it and it'll finish any relationship she will ever have with you or her family. If you say anything your father-in-law might try and shoot you for messing around on his daughter with his wife, not a good situation. Best keep it to yourselves. On top of that, telling your brother-in-law/child will NOT be good for their own mental stability.

Answer 6

Why are you rocking the boat now after 10 years. I'm generally for truth but in this case I think that as 10 years have passed it would be better to let sleeping dogs lie. Your wife wouldnt forgive you or her mother, and could possibly reject her brother as he would be a constant reminder of yours and her mothers betrayal. Your son/brother in law would lose his dad, his sister and his brother in law...not nice for a 10 year old.

If there is no danger of your mother in law spilling the beans then I think this is one secret that should go to the grave...if mother in law is threatening to tell all then you must tell your wife yourself...you owe her that much

EDIT

If neither of you want to tell then dont, very plain, very simple. The truth would be too damaging.

Answer 7

Talk about 'keeping it in the family'! lol

You know, normally, I would say tell your wife everything - but in this case, I can only see that completely shattering her world and probably destroying her mentally.

If I was her mom, I would just lie and say she got pregnant by some stranger and give the baby up for adoption. The baby would probably have better parents through adoption anyway - obviously his/her parents know nothing about love and commitment!

*EDIT* OMG I cannot believe she kept the child?!?!?!?!

Answer 8

I'm sure you're well aware the messy situation you got yourself into.  No need to reiterate.

First off- I would talk to her mom and find out what her plans are.  Does she intend to keep the child?  If not, then support her as you can in the decision she has made and do your best to never do something like that again.

If she intends to keep the child then you have two options- the two of you can try to keep it secret.  This has the short-term consequences of getting you out of trouble, but rarely works in the long-term.  Typically it comes up eventually and then you have YEARS of dishonesty to be held accountable for. Not good.

The other option is to be up front with your wife and tell the truth.  The short-term consequences will probably be severe.  As a wife, I cannot imagine what my response would be. I would be beyond devestated and things would get ugly.  Not only with you- but also my mother. (How good is her relationship with her mother?  Is it sound enough her mother can be a part of this conversation?).  Tell her what happened and how you feel about it and where you'd like this to go from here.  

Be prepared for hysterics.  If you're wife can keep contained in public pretty well, a semi-private setting with some people around may be better.  If she loses it pretty easy- do this in private.  

Be also prepared to sleep in your car or something a few days (Can ya blame her, really?).

Also ask yourself how would you react and feel if she told you she was pregnant by another man?  This might help put it in perspective for you and help you figure out the best way to handle the situation.

Sorry to hear about the misfortune. I hope the entire family can find some degree of peace for this one.  Not a good situation for all involved.

EDIT:

Given light of the new information- the child is 10- you have an even messier situation.  You have YEARS of lying to account for. I assume you feel some guilt or this wouldn't come up.  You also have the child to think of.  He's been raised with the other man as his daddy.  Should that be changed now?

At this point I would consider what benefits are there to spilling the secret now.  Perhaps later when the child is old enough to understand it better- at this point I would say to keep it secret for the child's best interest. Otherwise, I think both you and your "partner in crime" should own up to the wrong-doing.

If it's likely your wife will find out soon, it should be from you- no one else.

Answer 9

It is going to be hard, but everyone has got to know.  It started 10 years ago, how old is the child?  He has the right to know.  What was done in the dark, must be brought out into the light.