How do other moms balance career or going back to school, caring for small children, and keeping the marriage?

Question

Hi, I'm looking for some ideas or feedback to see whether it is worth continuing my education or giving up and focusing on my family. I have about 2 years left of my education. I am married for about 3 years, with a now 8 month infant. I love my husband, and l love my daughter.We financially struggle, and our marriage has been rocky since the start yet we keep going. It may be just me, but emotionally I cannot handle the work in the marriage and attention I need to give my daughter while succeeding in a career or school. I am at a very low point now feeling like I have nothing to offer anyone. I think education is so important, and am crushed to pieces thinking I am not going to be able to continue, but maybe I can adjust my thinking with other ideas. Anyone succeed in a rocky marriage, with child, and finishing their degree?

Answer 1

I know how you feel!  I have been married for 4 years- that has been very hard we actually almost got a divorce when my daughter was 6 months old and now she is about to turn 4.  Marriage is hard work no matter what- realize that finishing your schooling is only 2 years and will help the family significantly in the long run.  I am attending Western Governors University to become a teacher.  It is much faster, all at home, and can be done on your own time.  I do my work at night when my daughter is in bed, take care of her during the day and do all the housework during the day. (Or you could get a part time job to help financially during the day.0  Maybe you could look into online college.  Remember that a marriage does take time and having an infant just adds stress to the moment. It gets better with time.  It just takes devotion and effort of you and your husband.  I also pray continually for my marriage.  It still isn't the best by no means, but it is getting better gradually.  Good Luck!  Keep to college~ You can do it and get a better life for you and your baby!

Answer 2

Been there, done that.  And I feel your pain.  

The first few years of marriage are tough!  You're trying to balance working together as a team, while (presumably) still young and getting comfortable with your roles as adults and parents.  

Having been exactly where you are now, let me give you a little advice.

1.  Not having enough money to pay the bills puts stress on EVERYTHING else.  When you aren't worried about which bill you have to cut short each month, it does get easier.  So, make a budget and stick to it.  If your income is seriously low, see if you qualify for any assistance.  

2.  Education is extremely important.  It's the "way out", so to speak.  You do need to finish a degree.  But to be honest, you need to take a look at your degree plan.  You need to choose a degree program that will ensure that you've got a job waiting for you.  Now is not the time to get your BA in Underwater Basketweaving so that you have a minimum wage job in a bookstore.  This may mean putting some life plans on hold for awhile.  People have to do this all the time and have second careers later on.  I also suggest looking at some shorter courses/programs that will be over quickly and get you in the workforce bringing home a decent paycheck.  IE: something medical, like sonogram tech, lab tech, etc.  Also, look for online classes, etc.  Apply for financial aid.

3. Take time for "couple time".  It doesn't have to be long, or expensive.  But you need to set aside some time for just you and your husband.  Even if you're just meeting for a cup of coffee once a week for twenty minutes.  

Anyway, best of luck to you.  Hang in there and don't give up.  These first few years are tough, but you can do it!

Answer 3

Well i just finished high school and it was very hard to keep up with all the homework and a whole bunch of other stuff. i couldn't imagine being pregnant and having all thees weight over me. i cant decide for you but i strongly suggest you staying in school and choosing a good carrier to support you and especially your family. how about your husband? does he work? maybe he could pitch in a little more.

Hope that helped!:]

Answer 4

Get back to the basics and slow down!

I gave up school after I had my second child. I felt like I was not being the mother my children needed me to be. Or the wife my husband wanted. Your baby is only going to be a baby once and you are missing out on so much! These are the sweet memories you will carry with you your whole life. I don’t recall much about my collage and working days. That’s because the times I spent with my kids were much more special to me. It makes me smile when I think back on all the days we spent at the park or the zoo, adventures to the mall, or just staying at home and bumming around together. When I think about all the times I made them laugh or smile, I wouldn’t trade that for all the money in the world. They are now 9 and 13 and we have such a great relationship.

My husband really appreciated me staying at home even though it was finically tough. Now the family could have dinner together every night and he could have clean laundry lol, and a wife who wasn’t exhausted all the time. I really enjoyed being there for my family. Don’t by into the feminist b.s. that you’re nothing unless you work. You are everything to your family, they need you so much more. You can always go back to school and start your carrier again but you can never get your children’s childhood back, or your marriage once it’s broken beyond repair. So quit today!

Good luck!

Answer 5

Involve other family members.  

Answer 6

i dont' have any children.

i did balance full time work, full time school, and a somewhat normal social life while married.

i lived by a daily planner. it was stressful.  

my idea is to take 1 class a semester. sometimes they have saturday classes, night time classes or even online classes.

it will take you longer then 2 years to finish but at least you will finish and be sane all at the same time.  

1 class won't be as hard on your finances and not so time consuming as ful time.  you have to try to pursue your dreams. just because your a mother doesn't mean you have to ignore it.  you just have to make adjustments in your original goal.

Answer 7

I agree with the first responder, involve family members to help out with babysitting. You are very close to complete your career. I am single mom, I work full time, and also I am part time college student. I have to put my school in the back burner because I was feeling like I was burning myself out way too much. I was having headaches and feeling anxious. So I decided to timed my schooling, I take only a few classes-two-three courses in a semester, I have also decided to have fun in between by adding some of sports such as tennis and golf; to keep my sanity!

I suggest, you talk to your husband and family and come up with a solution/plan.

See, in my world, Fall and Summer are the busiest for me, because is when school starts for them. I am much more involve in their school, assisting teachers, field trips, PTAs and whatnot.

Summer, I spend most of my time with them, we take vacations and at the same time I include some learning tools in between. Spring and Winter are less hectic for me, on the exception of Christmas and Hanukkah in the same month. But that's just a week of chaos. I can beat that easy. I get both holidays projects during the summer break.

Timing is everything. Time is my worst enemy.

You can do it!

Answer 8

I too think education is very important in everyone's life.  Don't let other people tell you otherwise.   It sounds like it is very important to you, and that is what matters.  You should further your education, whether it's for a career or for your own development.  It may take you a little longer than you thought.

I've seen co-workers go to school at night and get a Masters in 2 years.  They didn't even go to school every night either.  If you are only going to school and not working, you can accomplish this.  School at night, and study and do homework during the day.

Answer 9

Concentrate on the kids, if you can handle school too then do it, if you can't then the children are the priority.