How do tell my child we have to get rid of our horse?

Question

I really don't want to do it but we have to sell at least 2

hay is way to much $10 a bale

grass is too little

long story short money is our issue

she is 9

Answer 1

First, if you do it responsibly, finding a good responsible buyer, there's no shame in selling or giving away a horse.  

I flat refuse to sell anything to an indiscriminate trader, a hoarder or a BYB, period.  I'd place one in a good free lease home first, and if times were so hard that my only alternative was a terribly doubtful, uncertain future, I'd like to think I'd be strong enough to put one down before sending one off into uncertainty.  I'm not of the idea that any life is better than no life at all for our horses.  I know that isn't a popular sentiment, and it certainly would be a very last resort in extremely dire times.  (Please understand I have several special needs horses who are more likely to end up in dire straits...finding good placements is challenging.)

I'm also of the old school where I think it benefits a child to understand that we sometimes find ourselves in these difficult situations, and how we handle them reveals our character.

Taking the easy way out, letting them go indiscriminately to the first looker who tells a good story might leave you feeling good...out of sight, out of mind...but her watching you do it responsibly...checking up on the prospective home...teaches your child more than anything you can tell her about character.

All that being said doesn't change the fact that telling a 9 year old that you have to sell a horse she's fond of isn't easy regardless of how you do it.

So, I'd tell her the truth.  You cannot afford to keep them all.  It is unfair, but sometimes good people face unfair situations.  Tell her it would be wrong to try to hang on to more than you can afford, because they wouldn't get the care they need.  Then, tell her you're going to make sure they are going to good homes.  Allow her to be a part of the process...to make a list of things to do to check out the buyers' story...that's an imperative if you're forced to give away or sell below kill price...

If you're asking for a way to make it easier, there just isn't one.  It's going to be a tough thing...and I'm sorry for you for that.

Answer 2

I am sorry to hear of your situation. It is difficult now for many horse owners to make ends meet.

Now, have you exhausted all other options at this point?

These are my suggestions:

First I would inquire in to local riding academies and summer camps. Many welcome bomb proof, lesson horses if offered on free lease for the summer or semester. (If your horses are indeed bomb proof). If your horses are of a higher caliber, perhaps you could inquire into any local colleges or private schools with equestrian programs.

Should these options fail, then are you and your horses qualified to teach lessons? If so, you could have them earn their keep at home. This requires you (depending on where to live) to be certified and appropriately insured in addition to your horses being lesson worthy mounts with child friendly temperaments.

Obviously  all these suggestions may not work for your particular situation, but given as food for thought in the event you are interested in the "if there's a will, there's a way" approach.

Best of luck to  you and let us know what the outcome it.

*Edit*

Sorry, I didn't actually answer your question...

I believe honesty is the best policy. I would sit her down and explain it as simply  and honestly as possible in ways that she would understand.

When I was a girl about her age, my favorite cat disappeared one day. My parents told me that had given her to my cousins in upstate PA. Every time we visited the cousins, I went looking and calling for my cat. She never came.

Turns out, she was hit by a car in front of our place and my parents wanted to save my feelings....I remember feeling betrayed.

I would have preferred to know the truth.

Answer 3

You said "at least 2" there are other horses that you're keeping then?  

I know hay is high, try $17.95 per 100+ pound 3 string bale of alfafa.  That's what we're paying in California.

In just 2 years, ground alfafa and molasses has gone from $9.50 a 50 LB bag to $14.00+ a bag!

It's hard for a 9 yr old to understand that it's a choice between food on your table and food for the horses (BTDT but without kids.).  I tried leasing them out and it would have been better for all concerned if I'd simply sold them or had them put down.

However...  If you're close enough to a town, you MAY consider boarding a few more horses to pay for your own.  Just a thought there.

Just sit the kid down and explain the situation as best you can and hope she can grasp how important it is.

Best of luck.

Answer 4

Just be honest and tell her it's whats best for the horses.

Answer 5

Just tell her the truth. A 9 year old should understand the concept of money by now and how it would be a hardship on the family to keep them all. Emphasize the fact that you're not getting rid of ALL of them. It will be sad for her, but life is this way at times and she should learn that lesson sooner than later. Hope that helps.

Answer 6

Be honest and let her know how sad you feel, and how sad you understand that she will feel.  Have a good cry together, and assure her that there are hard times but there are also better times and she will get through all of it because you know she is strong and you have such faith in her and admiration for her. And remember those things yourself as you go through it.

Answer 7

Be an adult and find a home for your older horse and keep your daughters horse.  You had a good run with a good horse, let your daughter have hers.  I am an adult that as a child had to give up every animal that I loved for the adults convenience or economics and I have resented it all my life.  Take a part time job,  do whatever it takes and keep all the horses or let them all go.  Remember these are the same kids that will be picking your nursing home

Answer 8

Have you exhausted all the possible sources of hay before making this decision? Getting hay from a feed store always costs more than buying it from a broker or a farmer, like we do. Are there farms around where you live that grow hay? If so, perhaps you need to try to meet and get to know the people that own them. We currently are forming a relationship with a farmer near us who plants drought resistant hay- and he will give us first pick when he cuts it later this summer. That kind of relationship takes time, but it's worth it, because it can save money.  What about feeding alternate feeds which don't cost as much and provide the same or similar amounts of fiber as the hay does? We feed our horses a lot of beet pulp, and will continue to do so. That adds bulk and roughage, but beet pulp costs about a third what hay does, and it's easy to get. We also feed alfalfa pellets with the grain-the pellets are much cheaper than the baled hay, and they have the same nutrients as the baled stuff. These are just a few ideas on how you can save money and not have to sell your horses.

Are you feeding a complete feed, when you feed grain? Most of the complete feeds are cheaper to get than just buying straight oats, for example, and you will save money in the long run by not having to buy supplements. As far as telling your daughter that you have to sell the horses, I would just break the news to her gently and explain why- and let her know that if there were any other choice or way out of this situation, you would take it. You can also tell her that you don't like this any better than she does- that will bring her some comfort. At 9, she is old enough to understand the concept of not having enough money- and that sometimes, people have to do things they don't like because of it. Let her know as well that you still love her and want her to continue riding, and that when things get better, you can get another horse.

I hope that helps somewhat.

Answer 9

You might see if you could find someone that would 1/2 lease on or two of your horses, that way, you could still have the use of them, but someone else would be helping with the cost of the upkeep....if that isn't an option, tell it like it is....and maybe you could sell only one and try keeping two for a while...you might even be able to lease some grass for much less than it costs to buy hay.  Be honest with your child, that is always the best way.

Answer 10

Hi,

Does you daughter ride much?  Why did you choose her horse as one of the 2 to sell?

I could see the benefit of this if she doesn't ride, but if she does, I would consider a different one>>>>  I would sell a different one myself before I sold my daughters, maybe even my own, if she is a dedicated rider, and loves her horse.

But, that is just my opinion.

EDIT...EDIT...  

Why not get more boarders, you posted on the flicker that one of them was a boarders horse.  That may give you enough money for hay?  AND ANOTHER thing to think of is pasturing your horses somewhere else, until you can afford them.  Pasture lease around here is $30 a head a month and they don't need feed, it is cut hay fields!

Sounds like your daughters horse is worth the most, but he is also a performance horse.  If she is the one running the barrels (we have 2 1D barrel racing daughters) she will probably not have too much fun plodding along on the trail on the one that rides on trail so well...  But, he isn't worth near as much.  

Of course I don't hold all of the points won in shows too high on my list...lots of people rack up points on little dinky shows without lots of real tough competition.  I KNOW I use to show dogs, it is the same thing!

I still would consider selling your old plug, if you found the right kid for her, she could teach someone else how to ride and love horses as much as you do...  And your daughter too.

I can't imagine what hay is in So. CA where we relocated from, it was 12.75 a bale 2 years ago...  Its about half that here.

Answer 11

Break it down to her gently. Explain to her all the details of why you have to sell the horses

Answer 12

UM, EXCUSE ME?!?!?!?! You decide to sell your daughter's horse without a thought, yet you refuse to give up yours?! Do you know how incredibly selfish and leadhearted that is? I would be surprised if your daughter ever spoke to you again, considering how you would sell her horse in the blink of an eye but would never think of selling yours. Wow. What I would do is sell Mackers. If he isn't as significant to you as Tank and TC, it should be easier letting him go. Now, think - you have TC (who's 20) and Tank. TC has to retire in a few years anyway. So, I would keep TC AND Tank. Put both up for shareboard* or lease, and wichever horse is leased or shareboarded will be just that, while the other you can keep. *Shareboard is when you split the cost of owning a horse with someone else. You both get to ride it, but you take turns. For example, you could shareboard TC. If owning him costs you, say, $4,000 a year, under shareboard he would be $2,000. And each of you would have him on seperate days. For example, you have him Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, while the shareboarder gets him Tuesday, Thursday, and Saturday, and he gets Sunday off. On your day you would take care of him and ride him, and you could alternate Sundays for taking care of him. OR, you could shareboard / lease both horses. Just, please, please, don't sell your daughter's horse. Try shareboarding or leasing instead. You'll both be happier. :)

Answer 13

I believe that honesty is the best policy...

Life is not fair and they need to learn that.  Life gets in the way and it needs to be dealt with.  Whether we like it or not.

And just my opinion about your old guy....

I'm guessing he gave you HIS best years.  I don't agree with the ones saying to get rid of him because he is the old one.  It's not his fault that he aged.  No more than it is yours...

To the ones who say 'dump' the plug...Kids need to know that the world does not revolve around them.  You DON'T get rid of something just because it's the old one!!  What does THAT teach to a child?  *Use it till it's old...then get rid of it*  What happens to teaching character and loyalty?  How about taking care of something...even though it's old.  How about the horse??  Does he deserve to be sent down the road after YEARS of service...because he's not the young one anymore??  You'll be old one day too.  Hope YOUR kids don't treat you the same way...

And drdv...35 years of resentment????  Grow up!!  Life isn't all about YOU!  You sound like a child throwing a temper tantrum.

Anyways...I don't envy your position at all.  i wouldn't want to have to make this decision.  But I do believe that honesty is the best policy...

Answer 14

if she is a dedacated rider and you really have to sell her horse be honest and explain why...and then maybe you can work out a deal at another barn where she could lease or do lessons it would probably end up saving you money!

Answer 15

i know hay prices are going crazy... it's all because of the stupid gas. we can't the U.S. drill it's own oil?! sorry... anyways, you have it better then me- it's up to $15 per bale. in alaska and hawaii though, it's up in the 30 dollar range.

just tell her like it is "honey, hay is too expensive and we don't have enough money to buy much of it. we need to give your horse to someone else. we aren't able to feed him/ her." be sure to sell to someone sorta nearby, i'd say no farther than 100 miles. then she will be able to see her horse every now and then.

options to keeping the horse would be to lease it out, let a barn use him/ her for lessons if able in exchange for money/ hay/ or board, or how many horses does your family have? could you give up a different horse that doesn't get much attention/ used/ that your family doesn't really need?