How do u get a 4 year old to stop swearing and being so aggresive?

Question

My 4 year old step son has a problem with swearing and bullying. I have 3 other kids besides him and he is the only one that swears. I have tried every tactic possible, soap in the mouth, hot sauce, time outs, spankings, taking treats away, taking toys away ect, and i have gotten nowhere. He has issues with his real mom and I know he is having diffuculiet being able to coupe with it all. But I dont know how to stop the bullying and swearing. Just today he choked out his brother and started swearing at me becuase he was mad he got into trouble. If anyone has some suggestions for me please feel free to help me out on this....thank you

Answer 1

You put him over your knee, take down his pants

and give him a spanking

Answer 2

try to talk to his real mom and agree to both get him some help

if that's not possible try to calmly talk to him and tell him that you care about him very much and that if he is not feeling well he should try talking about it with you

and if he feels really angry maybe try some anger management tactics

Answer 3

You need to get his father involved in the discipline.  If that doesn't help, consider getting him into counseling.  

Answer 4

i would like to say sorry you have to deal with this. you have to understand though that YOU cannot Make him stop,only he can choose  to do that...it is your job to help him see why he should and how he can, and what it will do for him.

i think  you could try some different approaches. first  of all if he has issues with his mom, 2nd coping problems, and 3rd he is obviously very needy for attention. he is craving it, and so far this is the one way it  works for him...it doesnt matter if it is negative  attention...it is still attention to him.

try some positive re-inforcements, try different ways to show him they way others behave role model, give lots of praise for the small things, give him his own special time, allow him to make choices when behaviour is good, one on one activities, help and show him that he is special.

the tactics you have been trying are not working, so you need to try something different. all your tactics have a negative tone to them. ( and i am a mother of 4- so believe me- i am not disapproving or saying you have approached it wrong in any  way)

with the positive re-inforcements- pick something or let him pick- maybe a special storybook, treat, activity ect. and then pick 1 behaviour to work on. you can make it a day thing but more likely you could see better results  if you kept the time frame shorter. ie-  from breakfast until lunch time- if he can refrain from curse words he can have...(blank)

have a sit down with him- talk in a calm voice and go over the words you dissapprove of. make sure he understands clearly what you consider a curse word.  you can ask him if he knows the meaning of the words. give him some alternative words to use. make them fun...like holy cow, or oh fudge or duck.....also you could give hima visual in his head...tell him every time he says holy cow..you will be thinking of a cow full of holes and you will laugh and laugh.

give him small chores to do- little things to start if he is not use to it...like help set the table, fold a couple wash cloths, wipe a window with some vinegar in aspray bottle. make sure to praise his accomplishments even if you have to re-do it. praise his willingness to help. thank him for  little things.  if you ask him to go wash his hands or brush his teeth- make sure to thank him for listening and responding so quickly.

he will slowly start  to see that he can get much better attention by altering his behaviour.

the bullying- again simply state in a firm but calm and friendly voice that you dont appreciate that and  will not tolerate it. you want him to not hurt anyone...just as you would not want anyoneto  hurt him. it is upsetting.  if he will apologize and not do it the rest of the afternoon you will take him to the dollar store or let him pick which kind of cookies to make etc.

ask him what he is thinking or wanting when he does this.  does he do it when he is mad? well then you can role model and tell him what you do or give him  other suggestions of acceptable ways to show his anger. make sure he knows that feelings whether they be anger, sad, mad, hurt, frustrated ect. are normal and not punishable...it is the action that needs to change

give all the kids a jar and for each good deed, good listening etc, give a marble or something...and when that is full they get (blank)

give him some opportunities to shine, and the powers of praise and choice and the feelings he will get from all will empower him.

i hope this helps, and good luck to you

Answer 5

I would probably try to be as understanding as I could and try talking to him to find out whats bothering him, to see whats driving him to constantly get attention.  I know he's only 4 but even at that age if theres someone that he feels "safe" expressing his feelings with maybe you can then break him out of his shell.  

Answer 6

Give him a time out.

Answer 7

I never understood how hitting some one taught them not to hit.

It sounds like you have custody of these children.  And the little guy may be dealing with a lot of anger and fear issues.  

Talking to a 4yr old is useless, they can't articulate their feelings.

What you can do is seperate him from everyone else when he gets mean and you and your husband have to agree on this.  Beyond enforceing the rules you must not respond in any way to him.  If you put him in his room he must stay there and you only return him quietly and firmly.  No yelling or argueing.  Simply return him and do not respond.

No privileges and no association while he misbehaves.  BUT you must reward his good behavior and when he is good you must assure him that he is loved and will be safe and cared for. And you do that by enforcing the rules for everybody and being consistant.  Don't let a sibling hit him or misbehave to each other because then he will feel persecuted and will be even more angry and afraid.

Answer 8

beat his ***.

Answer 9

He is learning this behavior somer whrere and My Opnion is it is  from an adult maybe like his Mom or even tv or music he listerns to.If he lives with his mom ,May I suggest maybe he come live with you and limit his Tv show,No Vilent ones or any bad language.