How do u like this poem?? Plz rate, and help...?

Question

Don’t you runaway from me,

It doesn’t have to be,

Like it was in all your nightmares,

We can always go elsewhere.

Do you hear my screams,

As I let my blood stream,

Down my arm, down my palm,

I’m anything but calm.

I wrap my arms around myself,

Trying to balance on this thin shelf,

You hurt me so, I did the same,

I can’t believe we played this game.

Don’t you runaway, you are to blame,

But why am I the one full of shame?

I hurt, I do,

I have feelings too…

My life is shattered,

I ruined all that mattered,

I’ll slam myself into this vault,

This is your entire fault.

Don’t you runaway, it’s too late,

I’m not gonna sit here and wait,

For you to fix yourself once more,

I’m tired of looking for good in you, my eyes are so sore.

So I’ll runaway,

Don’t bring me a bouquet,

Of flowers, supposed to express your love,

I can’t go another octave.

Good bye now, I won’t come back,

I don’t want to return the attack,

Don’t you runaway,

It has to be this way.

Answer 1

WOW.....very nice, creative and artistic. you should check out my poems, I would love a creative person like youself's input on them....O,.....You know what would be a good title? "Runaway"

Answer 2

If specific and non-flattering comments are not welcome just skip the rest of my response.

Don’t you runaway from me,  -- very blah opening

It doesn’t have to be,    -- this line is devoid of poetry, too prosaic to be called a cliche.

Like it was in all your nightmares,  -- Like maybe sort of vague.

We can always go elsewhere.  -- why not your nightmare singular so the reader doesn't go elsewhere(s) in their head and laugh when they read your bad rhyme.

Do you hear my screams, --cliche

As I let my blood stream, --the only reason you used stream is because it rhymes with scream, again why the unnecessary plural. This use of stream (pardon the pun,) screams bad poem.

Down my arm, down my palm, - the first real line in the poem.

I’m anything but calm. - A bad forced rhyming line.

I wrap my arms around myself, -- Cliche

Trying to balance on this thin shelf, - Forced rhyme

You hurt me so, I did the same, -- Cliche

I can’t believe we played this game. -Cliche AND forced rhyme

Don’t you runaway, you are to blame, -- Didn't work the first time. Why rework a dull line?

But why am I the one full of shame?   - Forced rhyme

I hurt, I do,

I have feelings too… -- Cliche

My life is shattered, -- Cliche

I ruined all that mattered, -Cliche AND forced rhyme

I’ll slam myself into this vault, - Really really lame

This is your entire fault. - Boring forced blame

Don’t you runaway, it’s too late, - Runaway, it's too late to save

I’m not gonna sit here and wait, -Cliche AND forced rhyme

For you to fix yourself once more, -- Is she a cat?

I’m tired of looking for good in you, my eyes are so sore. -- Cliche AND forced rhyme

So I’ll runaway,

Don’t bring me a bouquet,- Forced rhyme

Of flowers, supposed to express your love, -- Cliche

I can’t go another octave. - Bad rhyme, non sequitor

Good bye now, I won’t come back, -- vacuuous empty words

I don’t want to return the attack, -- non sequitor

Don’t you runaway, -- repeating something inane doesn't make it beautiful.

It has to be this way. -- Cliche Cliche Cliche

I am sorry there is nothing here worth writing. Try writing out in sentences what you ACTUAL MEAN and take as many words out as you can without losing the sense of it. That might be a poem, this ISN'T.

Answer 3

How about entirely predictable ?  

Some rhymes work well, some are completely forced and awkward.   The final stanza is not needed.  This all surface, superficial, void of depth and full of false passion.  The meaning is barely hinted at without being explained.

Maybe it's not meant to be anything more than it is, a wailing of "woe is me" that is best understood by those who have not truly lived, or truly loved.

rating 3/10

Answer 4

"Runaway" and I think it's good.

Answer 5

Runaway would be a good title but it seems too predictable, I think following nightmares would be a great title, and its a great poem! good job

Answer 6

title: "Runaway"

it reminds me of song lyrics, something Fiona Apple might come up with.

"This is your entire fault."   this is the only line that bothers me.

It doesn't flow..maybe something like, and yes, it's all your fault

Answer 7

i usually HATE rhyming poems, but this one rlly is great!

the only thing i would fix would be "i cant go another octave" to " i cant go up another octave"

otherwise, great job!