How do u work though step family problems?

Question

i have 4 kids, 3 from a previous marriage, 1 to this marriage. I get very nervous leaving the kids home alone with my husband, espescially my son as they always end up in arguements, and hubby gets quite angry resorting to yelling and a lot of threats of punishment over tiny issues etc. when i come home my kids tell me and complain about him and i end up getting upset at my hubby and it ends up in arguements, now he refuses to mind them at all, and says he only will mind his son, and he often when we dont get along ride my kids off. tonight he even tossed my son out of the room and has taken his bedroom over for himself, making my son sleep with me. what should i do?

Answer 1

Wow, I'm sorry, but this man sounds like trouble!  This doesn't sound healthy at all for your children.  You need to get some professional help on how to handle this.  Depending on how old your children are, your new husband should NOT be providing discipline to your children from the first relationship.  That is your job and he just support you in that.  That is what is causing the fuss.  The kids didn't ask him to step into their lives and start telling them what to do and how and what to do if they didn't!!  Please, please get some professional counseling.  See if hubby will go along.  This needs major work or everyone will be miserable and the kids are REALLY going to suffer.

Answer 2

I raised 4 step kids and it was not easy, you have to love or at least try to love them twice as much as your own. They will gang bang him to death tell lies on him create fights with you, your love life will go to h**l and they will still keep pushing until you get divorced and then they will set out to ruin that marriage. So your gonna have to start siding with him and agree to agree on discipline and stick to it. We did, my wife left me countless times over those kids. But she always came back and we toughed it out and have been married now for 20 years and the kids are all raised and gone and have families of their own. Now that they are gone my wife and I have a wonderful and happy quiet life together at last!!!!!!

Answer 3

I have a step daughter and she always seems to play up for me more than her dad.  Perhaps your kids are doing this, and as you're not there you're not getting the full story?

It's a really complicated dynamic.  My partner had difficulties with my daughter to start, but he had my support when she tried to misbehave with him and now they have a great relationship. She adores him!

Your husband has been placed in the "father" role to children who are not his.  It's a really difficult situation, and there are many reasons why things may not be working.

Are the kids father still in the picture? How long were you a single parent for before you re-married?  How old were the kids when you re-married?  Your son may be feeling like your husband has usurped his role as "man of the house" and is trying to assert himself as Alpha male, and in turn your husband will be doing the same thing.

Your husband kicking him out of his room and making him sleep in your room is a bit childish.  You two really need to sit down and get to the bottom of this problem and work at finding a solution or there will not be any harmony in your home.  Ask him how you can support him, the reasons that he argues with your son and other children etc...  Perhaps once he feels like he is being heard, he will calm down a bit and be more comfortable helping out with your kids.

Best of luck to you - it's tricky, but it can work!

Edit: it sounds like your kids are playing you and your husband against each other too... Although your children and them being comfortable in their own home is extremely important, it is equally important that they see the parents united, and working as a team.  This will give them a sense of stability and consistency which is important to a child's well being :)

Answer 4

kick his butt.

Answer 5

Get a divorce!  My husband isn't that bad to my kids but I would never have a baby with him!  He shows signs of extreme immaturity like your husband.  I don't know about you but how can you have an ounce of Respect for this man?  When my husband gets on one of his "picking" rampages I just call him a little b***h!  Not around the kids of course.  Then he will really go pout like a little baby or a woman!  The more he acts this way the less respect and love I have for him.  I don't know about you but I want to be married to a man not a needy, immature little brat that plays favorites.  If things don't change you definitely need to leave him for the sake of all your kids.  Single, struggling but happy is better any day than Married, wealthy but miserable!

Answer 6

Do not have any more kids. Kick him to the curb and find a man that will treat the children like children.There are men out there that will treat you like a woman and the children like children and not abuse them. That is what he is doing is abusing them. Do not put up with that . I hope this is of some help. Good Luck.

Answer 7

Your children come first hun. They obviously aren't happy with the situation. Your husband sounds spiteful & immature.

He needs to realise that he has come into your family unit, not you & the children into his.

He is an adult & walked into this relationship with his eyes wide open, he knew that you had other responsibilities from the start & that he would/could never become your first priority.

He sounds jealous & disrespectful to your other children, when he should be leading by example, being a role model, someone to look up too.

Humiliating your son as he did by taking his bedroom, that is in-excusable, he should have slept on the sofa, like any other man would have.

I don't know if you can work through these problems, until your husband accepts your other 3 children & treats them equally like he does his own child. He must do that first, as the resentment your 3 children feel towards him will only get worse & if left, will fester & turn into hatred, which could well blow your family wide apart.

You could approach your Gp about this & ask to be referred to see a family therapist.

Good Luck. X :-)