How do we handle our neighbor's disrespectful child?

Question

Our neighbors are such nice people, in fact they are too nice in some areas. The problem is that the husband was neglected by his parents when he was a child, and so he has a tendency to shower his kids with attention and let them get away with just about anything. His son is nine years old, and is turning into quite a pain to be around. He complains when his can of soda isn't cold enough, but if you offer him ice water, he says he wants soda, but it just "ain't cold enough". Some of his little petty idiosyncrasies are:

Cats make him sneeze, but only if they lie on him when he's trying to sleep.

He has to sleep with a nightlight, but he wants someone to unplug it AFTER he has gone to sleep.

If he gets up way earlier than everyone else, he wants his breakfast right away. If you tell him he is free to make himself a bowl of cereal, he'll say he's tired of cereal, and wants bacon and eggs...which he can't cook by himself.)

To be continued....

Answer 1

o.k.

Why don't u make up a banner with the house rules.  Such as BF 8:00,bed time 8p with lights out.  Things you expect your children to know and follow, esp. about being respectful.  as for the soda, he takes as is or goes without point blank.

As for hurting neighbours feelings, you stated they are gems, well... it is HIS behavior you are telling them about, if they want to take it personal and "LET" your statements affect them in a negative way, then that is on them, not you. How you approach them will determing how they take it.  speak with your hubby and see how he thinks you should address the situation. You never know, they may appreciate you going to them "in love" and pointing these things out.  He will have problems making and keeping friends when he gets older if this continues.  He ctually sounds like criteria of being a bully when he gets older.

There is a difference between being judgemental and being a guide.  How the neighbours will take it has a lot to do with how you approach them.

Kids thrive on structure and routine.  It will take some effort and some repetitive times  where u feel like a broken tape recorder, but is well worth it in the long run.

Explain to him these are the house rules, nd if he doesn't follow them then he has to go home.  Speak to the parents b4 this is implemented, explain u have certain standards for your children and that HIS behaviors are not what you want your children to learn.

He needs to learn boundaries NOW before is to late.

Answer 2

Just because his parents concede to him in everything he wants, it does not mean that YOU have to do this when he is in YOUR house.  In fact, you may have a golden opportunity to teach this kid that the world just might not be his oyster!

When he comes to visit, and asks for colder soda, just tell him, "Sorry, but this is what we have."   If the cats make him sneeze, say "Bless you."   Tell him that you do not use nightlights in your house.   Do NOT get up early to cook him a special breakfast.

One of two things will happen:  either he will learn that if he wants to come over and visit, he has to live with things at your house just the way they are;   or, he will stop coming over of his own will, and you won't have to explain anything to his parents!

Answer 3

Be glad he's not your son and move on with your life.

Answer 4

Think of it as doing them a favor in the long run. They need to know that their little darling is rude and insufferable. He needs to change his behaviour now if he's going to have friends and be successful in his life.  

When he's at your house, if he does something you don't like, just tell him. Have you tried that? If you give him the can of soda and he says it's not cold enough, hand him a cup and tell him where the ice is. If he still complains, tell him "You know,  you are a guest in my home and I am doing you a favor by offering you something to drink. You are being rude and hurting my feelings. If you prefer not to drink it, you can say 'No thank you.' "  I'd even say (in response to whatever he's being a pain about) "You know, I don't like it when you 'X'. I need you to 'Y' in our house. If you don't 'Y', then I will ask you to go home." Be firm - sounds like he could use it in his life.

If you do have to send him home, just tell his parents why you did and that he is welcome to come over if he does/doesn't do whatever it is you sent him home for.

It's YOUR home. You have a right to set the rules and standards in your own home.

Answer 5

Hon, it's your home, your rules, and your life... why are you feeding this kid"   Why are you responsible for unplugging his night light??

In my home, it's my rules.........Kids don't stay long in my house... everyone goes outside to play.  I'm responsible for feeding mine, not the neighborhood. (pssst... and sodas aren't available even to mine... we don't drink that stuff. It wasn't good for you when I was a kid, and was never in the house, it isn't go for you now, so it never is in the house.)

Answer 6

It's okay to say that you guys need some family time.  Neighbors don't need to be welcome in your home 24/7.

Answer 7

OMG what a brat! First with the nightlite, have them do the hall light until he falls asleep, then when the parents go to bed they can turn it off. As for the soda, tuff! I would give him Juice, water or milk and that's it. Maybe diet soda, but that's still bad and has caffeine.  About the cats, a lot of ppl have that, so I guess he's not too bad with that one. Breakfast - they have microwave breakfast that are still easy for him. French Toast sticks, Pancakes and bfast burritos too! All can be put in the microwave for a non cereal bfast. He needs to be taught now as it seems he is a little high maintenance...

As for the having him come over part, just say that your kids are doing homework or that they need to study, nothing wrong with that. They just want you to baby sit is sounds like! Stand up for yourself, a bad kid over can ruin your relationship with them anyway - GL!

Answer 8

I do see what you mean. But you have the right to tell him when he's in your house he needs to be respectful to you or he needs to leave. And if his parents ask why you have sent him home, you can tell them their son was not being respectful in your home and you don't appreciate it. Give the examples you gave us.  You don't need to be judgemental or accusatory, just state the facts like you did here. I don't see what he does in his own home has any bearing on you, just what he does in your home. It's not clear if he's sleeping at your home and having breakfast, you lost me there.  If he is, tell the parents, we allow guests between such and such a time. If what you are saying about his sleeping habits and breakfast demands is just what you know from his parents, let that be, that's not your problem.

Answer 9

When I was little the neighbors had a kid who always wanted to come play with us. I didn't like the kid, so I would make up excuses and such as to why I couldn't play with him.

Are your kids old enough to make it feasible to get them to always "be busy" and such?

Perhaps even suggest that your kids go over to your neighbors' house. Perhaps your kids could say that the neighbors' is "more fun" or something. That could at least reduce the amount of time you have time spend with this kid.

It's a tough situation as they are your neighbors, you're right.

Answer 10

Can't help but wonder how you know of some of these things...

In any case, you don't handle it, at all; he's not your kid!

*edited* Maybe he's allergic to cats... If it's your cat that's on him, while he's trying to sleep, I would keep the cat away from him... Not everyone wants a fur-ball on them, when sleeping! (And, I have cats of my own.) If it's not your cat, then it's of no concern to you.

Answer 11

This is very easy,

Tell him to go home.