How do we handle the check at a very fancy restaurant?

Question

My Mom wants us to double with her new, very very well- off love interest. It will probably be a very fancy restaurant. We are in the "comfortable" range. My question is: What is customary? I am not really looking for random guesses. Is it normal to tell the waitress at the beginning that your check is separate? Is it normal to debate it if one person says they will get the check? Is it better to somehow separate your part at the end? There is such an obvious gap but I would like to stay on the same level as him and not be bought either. I don't want to show my lack of manners if it is just customary if he says he wants to get the check either. Lets see... he is a long- time business man and this is the NE US. Any other mannerly suggestions will be appreciated. We aren't complete slobs or anything but we run with a pretty regular crowd.

Answer 1

haha, Omaha NE??? thats where im at. but anyway, most nice places wait til the end of the meal to ask if u want it split. so enjoy your meal, but always expect to pay. when they ask to split say yea. im guessing ur moms bf will say together, but looks good if u say split at the same time. waitress will b confused a little, and so will he. just look at him and say, no its ok we can split. then its up to him how persistent he is. by wat it sound like he will want to take it no mater how hard u fight. just keep asking, are u sure... cuz its no problem. in the end i bet he wants to pay for it. but by u saying split at the same time he says together.. it shows u r willing to pay for it, and he isnt needed to cover your meal. ur just there to eat with your mom and get to know her new guy friend. gl

Answer 2

If the boyfriend is very, very well off, I would assume that he would pick up the check.

Answer 3

Well you could tell your mum before going to the restaurant that either of you could settle the bill and that you would split the bill AFTER leaving the restaurant.

Answer 4

Separate at the end, if you say in advance it will sound desperate, at the end it will sound convenient.

Enjoy!

Answer 5

Relax, and have fun.  Since your mom invited you, and her friend is well off, he would probably expect to be paying.  It would be polite not to order the most expensive meal they have, and you could always offer to split the bill and or let him know you don't 'expect' him to pay.  You could also ask if it was OK for you to pay the tip if he seems happy to pay the bill.

Good luck!

Answer 6

My mother gave me a copy of Emily Post, when I was 11, with the words, "You'll need to memorize most of this, Dear One".  My family is from Garden City, L. I., I went to college near Boston, lived in Westport when married, and when divorced, my sister and I moved to 34th & Third in NYC where we lived for four years.  In 2004, we went to visit old hang-outs and, new to us, Daniel's which is in the same location as "somewhere" we couldn't remember the name of ....

The person who books the table (your mother's date) will tip the Captain and unless he, specifically, goes out of his way to invite you, assume your check is yours to pay.

When going out with another couple, just prior to giving the dinner order for his wife/date and himself, the man semi-smiles at the waiter and asks, "May we, please, have a separate check?" to which the waiter should reply, "Of course, Sir" or, "Mr. Willams will be taking care it it, Sir" or, Mr. Williams intervenes with, "Oh ~ please, be my guests" - then, you both smile at him and say "Thank you, very much".   When the evening is nearing an end, your husband asks the host if he may pay for after-dinner drinks - port, sherry, or if chocolate is the preferred dessert, a bottle of (Hungarian) Tokaji (pronounced Toe-ky - as in sky).  If no-one orders any, as an aside, your husband asks (not a necessity but a nice gesture) your mother's date if he may pay for the tip(s).  When you're a dinner guest, your host chooses the wine and pays for it as this is considered part of dinner.  

At tip time, the sommelier is given 15% of the cost of the wine for his expertise, opening, pouring, etc. and the waiter is given 20% minimum as he needs to tip the busboy as well as bartender if you had pre-dinner drinks sent to the table.  Most often, the sommelier is tipped at the time of the first pouring - watch your host (who, hopefully, has read Emily Post or Amy Vanderbilt).

You'd better not hope to stay on the same level with him or be "bought either" (I don't understand these comments - guests accept, gracefully...) - not if he takes you to Daniel Boulud's restaurant - my sister and I spent $484 for a 3-course dinner, cheese selection, wine and tips .. they offer a 5-course and, if you did intend remaining on his $ level, you'd follow suit for another (I think) $35 - 40 a person.  We ordered a $125 wine although we would have preferred to not have had a budget so we could spend $500+ for a bottle!

Relax and loosen your girdle (or leave it home) - you'll have a good time if you're open to having a good time.

Answer 7

If you don't want an uncomfortable bit in the end with your mom's date saying he'd pay and you saying no, and him still insisting, or him not insisting and you feel weird about it, I would say when you are ordering that you want to put you and your boyfriend onto a separate check.  He won't debate it then, its not rude, you are just being proper since you are your own couple.  Let him get you mom, that's what it should be unless he mentions before you all order that he wants to get the tab.  If he says nothing of that case, then it won't be improper to state you want a separate check when you order your meal.

Answer 8

I personally WOULD NOT go the route of separate checks, unless your mothers date offers, simply because it is a very hard thing to say in a casual way, and the odds are it will just make things awkward. Think of how pricey this place is going to be per person, multiply it by 4, and make sure you have that much cash on you. When the bill arrives, grab it quickly. Your mothers date will almost certainly say something like "Oh no, please its on me". You then counter with "No, no really its okay". Mothers date insists one more time, and you say "Really? Are you sure?". Mothers date says "Yes, yes for sure", and its all good.

Answer 9

He pays. You were invited by them he is well off. You offer to split he says no its ok then you just say ok if your sure thank you very much then perhaps offer them for drinks after it and you pay???

Answer 10

He pays