How do we prove we are going to be good teenage parents

Question

My bf and i are 17 and we are 12 wks pregnant with our first child we want to be the best parents for our child. We are planning on having the baby and keeping it. We want to be the best parents possible. My parents don't want my bf anywhere near me cause i am pregnant but its still fresh and they are in the anger and lashing out stage, I just told them that i am pregnant they aren't talking to me right now. My bfs parents are very supportive and told us we can do it. I am considering moving in with them, until my parents cool down.

Answer 1

I didn't know what to say, really, however, I do know that if you want to be good parents, he should not go into the marines. What if he gets shipped off or something? He should stay around, go to school, get a job, help with the baby. Just my opinion.

Oh, an take his mother up on that offer when you need to. The best thing you can do for your child is get a great education and job so you can give him or her the best life you can, and unless you have help, you won't be able to get through school with a child. Trust me, my parents were young parents and didn't go to school, now, I'm struggling to come up with money for college. It will make your child's life harder than they'll ever let you know if you can successfully provide for them.

Good luck! You sound like you'll do a fine job.

Answer 2

It sounds like you guys are on the right path. Have you considered take parenting classes? They aren't just classes for "bad" parents. They have lots of good advice for young parents-to-be and are a great resource for all kinds of questions and support. Make sure you educate yourself as much as possible about your pregnancy and your new baby. Start saving your money now. If you plan on finishing school and going to college, start looking for a good daycare/babysitter - and make sure you do your research before placing your kid. I wouldn't necessarily move out right away. That may only antagonize your parents more. I agree, let them cool off, but you don't need to move right away unless they are REALLY hostile towards you. I suggest in about a week or so, try sitting down with them again and explain to them that your sorry this happened, theres nothing you can do to take it back, and you would appreciate their love and support in this matter because it will be their grandchild. Use the "grandparents" and "grandchild" word a lot instead of "my baby". I honestly think it gets them more excited if you emphasize that they're going to be having a grandchild. My parents were unbelievably angry with me when I got pregnant at 18 (but I don't really blame them - i was on a much more destructive path then you are now and I didn't handle matters well) but no matter how mad they were with me, you could always see them smile a bit if I started talking about their grandkid.    

Answer 3

How do you prove it? You do it right, except when you're wrong, and then you fix it fast. Repeat for 18 years.

But that isn't very helpful advice, so let me give you some, having been in a very similar situation.

If you dont' have a good doctor already, find one (for yourself, and one for the baby once it's born, if yours isn't a family practice).  Not only is keeping 'em healthy an important part of being a good parent, but a lot of important facts about being a good parent come out of the doctor's office- you can get brochures and other information on most basic childhood issues, the doc usually hands out  a lot of safety advice and info, and bulletin boards in the waiting room will have a lot of relevant info like playgroups and resources and good clean fun. Make sense? Do tell me if I don't.

A good book/s to read, and maybe own if you don't retain most of what you read (check it out of a local library first if you want):

What to Expect when you're Expecting (covers healthy pregnancy/early early infancy)

What to Expect the First Year (how to raise a safe, healthy, happy kid ages birth to 1 year)

Money-wise, do take a look at Welfare or whatever other state/government aid is available. There is nothing shameful about taking some help til you get on your feet. College and children are both expensive. DO NOT GIVE UP ON COLLEGE. Be very careful about putting it off/taking a break, as the longer you wait, the less likely you are to go back.  Try to just push through in 4 years.  I did as a single parent. I took Welfare/Wic to pay my day-to-day costs and a subsidy to pay for childcare while I was in school. I could not handle a job in addition. I know some people have, but I could not and child raising and college are both considered full-time occupations. Doing both at once is enough, really. No shame in not being able to hold down a job too, if you can't. You can get a job as soon as you're out, become a tax-paying citizen as soon as you're out-and you will have a better job and be a more desirable citizen, from the state and public's point of view, if you go to college and raise your kid right, then get employed, rather than struggling to balance 3 full time occupations and doing a crappy job.

Follow still? I may be preaching to the converted, but there are so many misconceptions, stereotypes, and negetivity out there, I want to make sure to cover it all.

Spend time with your kid(s). Make sure they know they are loved and valued. take time to interact with them, and listen to their opinions, but dont' be afraid to discipline them (don't raise an unruly brat, it does them no favors as adults!) or to take some time off every once in a while to be a couple or to be yourselves.

Make sure your MIL knows how much you appreciate her offer, and her support in general. Good in-laws (even when you're not officially married yet, I know) are a blessing. At least take her up on that offer maybe once a week to have some time to yourself, even if it's to catch up around the house or write whichever essay was due yesterday. After all, it's kiddo's grandma-it'll be great for him/her to have that close relationship. What we worked out in my situation was that my mother did a lot of babysitting for me at the government's subsidied rate-it was a reasonable compromise IMO. It was only a couple of dollars an hour, but it meant she wasn't constantly babysitting for nothing, and I didn't have to feel horrible about the situation. The kind of childcare you get from strangers from $2/hr? You probably don't want it. But close friends/relatives may be willing to work for cheap since it's for you.

Ok, guess I've talked (more) than enough. Hope this helps, and best of luck! I really think you can do it. You sound very promising.

Answer 4

There is nothing you can do to "prove" anything ahead of time.  The fact is that you don't know what kind of parents you are going ot be until you are actually parents--you might rise to the occasion, or you might not.  Swearing up and down to everyone who will listen that you are going to be the best parents ever doesn't prove a thing.

It sounds like you are trying to make the best of a bad situation, but it is going to be much harder than you expect.  Taking care of a baby is a round-the-clock responsibility.  Yes, babies are wonderful, but they are also very demanding.  Your boyfriend will be heading off to the Marines in less than a year, leaving you by yourself--that is going to mulitply your stress level by tenfold.  What are you planning on doing for money?  How are you going to juggle the demands of being a single parent (which you essentially will be when he is gone), a full-time student, and working full time?  Who will take care of your baby while you are working or in school?  Do you have a place to live?  Health insurance for you and the baby?  Any money put aside?  

I understand and appreciate that you are trying to make this all work out, and I do wish you the best.  But you have a very long, hard road ahead of you, and if the people around you are expressing skepticism, it's only because they have been there (as parents), and they know how difficult it can be, when their circumstances were likely nowhere near as challenging as yours are going to be.  Perhaps they are just trying to get you to remove the rose-colored glasses for a moment and do a reality check.

Answer 5

Becoming teenage parents is not easy! I am 19 and a teen mom. Having a baby at any age is going to put major stress on the couple. A baby not only changes your life but it will change your relationship, and sometimes not for the best either. If your boyfriend plans on joining the marines first off he is going to be gone for 3 months for basic training. That's not even considering deployment. Which could be 1 to 2 years. Thats 1 or 2 years that you are going to be by yourself taking care of that little baby. and your full time job is going to go down part time. There is no way you can go to school full time and work full time and still raise a baby at the same time. There are some things are going to have to change. Now I am not saying that you can't go to school. I am saying that its going to be hard then what you think. When you are pregnant you have this vision of how things are going to be and how they are going to work. but in reality that's nothing how its going to be.  

Answer 6

Frankly you can't. Your brains aren't even fully developed yet, for gosh' sake.

The first reason I can give you is that you didn't say one thing about getting married. If you two are planning on having this child, that's the first thing you should be doing, getting married asap, getting full time work, finding a place to live on your own, independently as a couple.

Do not move in with his family, that's not smart.

Wish you luck. I also wish you would talk to someone about adoption, please.

Answer 7

Just have to wonder ... if you will be working fulltime AND going to school full time (and daddy is off in the marines)  -- who will be taking care of the baby?

Answer 8

Hey there! I too was 17 when i got pregnant with my daughter (now 3) and let me say congrats to you and your boyfriend! I really don't think its wise to have a baby so young (from personal expierience of course) but now that its here i'd be glad to answer your question

I was in college at the time i got pregnant and i never dropped out. As time went on it did become more difficult to juggle the physicall symptoms of pregnancy (nausea, hunger, and sleepyness) and the demanding school schedule (18 units) but its dooable indeed...

Now at 22 i have another baby (16 months) and things are great! I think the only way to prove to ppl your going to be good parents is to just do it. Its one of those things that are gonna have to be shown over time.

Answer 9

You sound mature for your age and unlike every other pregnant teenager on this site, you are able to spell and your sentences make sense.  

The way to prove you are going to be a good parent is, starting right now, put your baby first in all that you do.  Read every parenting book you can get your hands on, the library will have lots.  Every choice that you make you need to think, "How will this affect my child."  Good Luck to you.  

Answer 10

Don't go out of your way to try and prove it to your parents. If you know that you will be a good Mom, then nothing should bother you. I know it's hard, I was 16 when I had my son. Now i'm 19 and even though a lot of people criticized me at first, because I was persistent they now respect me.

I am a full time college student and my child's father works a full time job. Life is hard as a young Mom.... but not impossible.

Good luck!