How do we teach our children to share their toys but respect other ppl's stuff?

Question

there are 4 adults and 4 children (aged 4-10) living here. we want them to share their toys of course. but we also want them to know that not everything has to be shared at all times. ie, kid 1 is playing with something...kid 2 wants to play with it and asks for it. kid 1 says it's his/her special toy and doesn't want anyone to break/lose/whatever it. pls share some good/creative ways to deal with this. i try to teach my new motto "share, take turns or put it away" but i understand there are just some things that you really don't want to share.

Answer 1

explain that when one has it, they have to wait until they are done with it to play. Once the 1st child puts it down its fair game. If they cannot take turns or play nice the toy goes away. It only comes back when they can play right.  As far as "special" items, those shouldn't be paraded around the other kids. Ensure that everybody knows the rules regarding those toys. If they don't want others to play with it, then it needs to be kept up.

Its really pretty simple if it is taught from the beginning.  

Answer 2

soemtimes I buy  the same toys for them to make them not  to fight or what, next  I separete them into different rooms to play...

Answer 3

I had this problem with my twins.  They had certain toys that they didn't want to share with each other.  I let them choose 5 toys that were "theirs".  It couldn't be a toy we only had 1 of or something that I knew they both needed to share; it was mainly stuffed animals.  If one wanted to play with a toy that was his brother's, he had to ask, but had to accept a "no" answer.  I did always try to ask how they would feel if the tables were turned and they were the one who wanted to borrow the toy.

As for the shared toys, I bought several clip-on oven timers.  I had them everywhere.  When the boys were 3, I started to use them.  They got 5 minutes with the toy.  When the timer went off, they shared.  If they didn't share, they lost their next turn (gave the brother a 10 minute turn).  If they asked "When is my turn?" or complained, I added a minute to the current turn.  Were there tantrums and crying?  Absolutely!  But I was willing to put up a fight to calm my house down.  If you remain vigilant, it really didn't take that long for them to get the idea.  In the end, I was able to just say "beep beep" and they would share.

Good luck and stay with it.

Answer 4

Teaching Sharing:

I usually have 4-5 preschool age children playing at my house.  I quickly decided that there was no such thing as "special toys".  I felt it was inconsistent to say they only had to share certain things.  You either teach a child to share or you teach them that sharing is optional and conditional, you can't have it both ways.  I started with birthday toys.  After my child got a new toy, they got to play with it first, they couldn't plaly with it forever though.  The other kids could line up for turns to play.  A child is allowed to have a very long "turn" with their new birthday toy, but then they must share.  I have found if they can take turns with special toys, all the other toys are even easier to share.  Occasionally a toy is too fragile for friends or the youngest child and in that case I say so and either put it away or directly supervise play with that toy.  My kids have found that if a toy is really special it is usually even more fun when they share it.

Respecting other people's stuff.

I teach this at home.  Have practice respecting noncritical boundaries.  Leave noncritical things around for them to practice not getting into such as potted plants or cookie jars.  Have a consequence each time they touch stuff they shouldn't, don't just give them tons of warnings or try reasoning with them.  Try to enforce the don't touch it rule 100%.  They will quickly learn that when you say something is off limits you mean it.  For example.  Say "don't eat these cookies until I'm done folding laundry", then leave them on the table.  Work with your kids on disciplining themselves to stay out of tempting stuff even if it is right there.  If you put it up high, or hover nearby reminding them, they can't practice telling themselves no.  Let them learn that if they wait--often they will get something even better.  If they learn to leave stuff alone in their own home, they will most likely respect other peoples stuff wherever they go.