How do we tell our best friend we don't like his son?

Question

We have 4 kids. All of your friends have kids. We always hang out and do things together in large groups like BBQ's and camping and softball tournaments. Well one couple has one son. He is the oldest of all the kids 12 almost 13. This kid is spoiled. He talks back to his parents. He's rude. He uses bad words and all. We really don't like him hanging out with our kids but we kinda have to. We love his parents as friends. Last night he had my 3 and 4 year old daughters and a 5 year son of another friend in bed under the covers with the lights off. He was telling them to kiss and hump. I was so mad and sick to my stomach when we found out. I don't want this kids any where near my girls. How do I tell his parents? They act like it was no big deal. Their son denys it and they believe him.

Answer 1

This is a time when you need to choose the well being of your children over your friendship.  Its one thing for the kid to just be obnoxious and annoying.  But coercing toddlers into sexual behavior?????   I'm sick to my stomach reading this.

I would straight out tell your friends the truth.  That you love them, but you are very concerned about their son's behavior around your children, and you don't want your children around him.  

You don't have to hang out with their son.  I understand its a bummer that it may mean missing out on these group gatherings, but you need to do whats best for your kids.

Good luck!

Answer 2

I can't believe that you'd be more afraid of losing his parents as friends than the safety of your daughters.  Quit tip toeing around about it!  You don't need those people as friends and you definitely don't need a 12/13 year old boy messing around with your daughters.  

If your friends can't handle their son, then there isn't anything you can do to handle him, either.  He needs some serious psychological help!  I'm afraid his parents aren't qualified, and neither are you.

Answer 3

This is past the point of simply trying not to hurt their feelings. Its time to take a big stand and tell them flat out he is NOT allowed near your children anymore. If they are going to turn a blind eye to this sort of behavior its time to be loud and mean what you say. If that means ending a friendship Im sorry but thats what has to happen. There is nothing innocent or normal about a 12 yr old making children under age 5 kiss and "hump". Its sick and needs to be confronted. It IS a big deal and wether they believe their son or not you need to stop his access to your own children.

Answer 4

That is a tough question

Answer 5

Some questions we have are completely obvious. Ask yourself, which is more important? My relationship with my friends, or the health, safety, and well-being of my children? When you decide, it will be easy to have that conversation with the "friends" about their son. If they don't agree, then, by all means, go find new friends.

Answer 6

..Families come as a package... so if you dont want the son around you have to accept that maybe you won't be seeing your friends either. If you want to hold on to your friendship (No one wants to hear their child isnt liked) then maybe consider spelling out to the boy what is not acceptable behaviour around the small ones, then be open and clear with your friends about what you had to tell him and why.

Your own kids come first.

Answer 7

Tell them that it doesn't matter in the least what they believe because YOU believe YOUR daughters and his history of behavior does not suggest that they might be lying.  Tell them that in no way ever will he be allowed in your home or with your children again, and that if the cost is your friendship then so be it, because your daughters are more important then any friend in the world.

Answer 8

I would DEFINITELY go to the parents and tell them what their son is up to. It sounds like he needs some psychological help. No child 12 or 13 or any age should be asking other children to kiss and hump each other! I know it would be hard but I would tell them that until they can control their child, they need not expect an invite to group events. If they believe their son over you and all your other mutual friends, then they are crazy.

Answer 9

honestly what the child did was wrong and REALLY disturbing.  I would sit the parents down and tell them that if they don't do something about his behavior they will no longer be welcome at the get-togethers.  They need to open their eyes and see he has some issues.  What he did honestly sounds borderline sexual abuse and you don't want to risk something much worse happening.  I can completely understand your concern for your friends but they need a wake-up call.