How do we tell our kids that my FIL (husband's father) is now a full woman?

Question

our kids are very young, toddlers still. they see pics of my FIL before his surgery and after. they ask questions and we keep it simple for now, what age would be okay to break it down to them. s/he lives far away so they will prob never see him.

please try to hold off on making fun of s/him, i already know it's a jerry springer type senario.

Answer 1

It is not Jerry Springer material. It is someone who was seeking self fulfillment. I would just say 'he wanted to be a girl and became one'. If you hide it or treat it shamefully, than you are teaching your kids to judge others because you dont' understand their values. I don't understand that either, but if it was me... I would want my family to embrace me. Just tell the kids straight up like it was natural for her (him).

Answer 2

You should tell them no younger than 8 but no older than 14. If you tell them at this age they are mature enough to hear it but not so mature that they will be mad for hiding such a huge secret from them.Just simply tell them that their grandpa didnt like being a man so he had surgery to become a woman.

Answer 3

you need to hold off on telling them for now. they do not understand the difference between sexuality and gender. wait until they are at least 8 or 9. tough situation.

Answer 4

In all honesty, it took me years as a child to even know which of my aunts and uncles were which. One half of my family I saw every year at Thanksgiving and Christmas, so I knew them 100% by 6 or so. But I had another side of uncles, aunts, cousins, etc who I only saw at weddings, funerals, and the occasional barbeque. I couldn't keep them all straight by name until I was 12+.

I tell you this because, if your children only see the FIL very occasionally, they may not realize what's up. Unless you are going over the family photobook and nameing pictures every few weeks, your children have other things to work on remembering at their age.

So, you may get lucky and just be able to introduce the FIL as an Aunt. In my family (and others I've become part of) close family friends and adult cousins were called Aunt and Uncle regardless of relation. If this is the case in your family, your children won't bat an eye.

If your FIL  is living life as a full woman, you may want to ask which pronoun is preferred. Many people who have changed s*x strongly prefer simply being reffered to by their new s*x/gender. If "she" and "her" are preferred, your children will have an even easier time accepting the FIL as an Aunt.

When your children are more fully grown, you can always reveal the choices your FIL has made if there is some pressing need. I don't know why your children would need to know that your FIL was once a man until they are old enough to ask. I doubt you're going to end up with 15 year old children who are outraged that you didn't share the information on such a distant, rarely seen relative.

Answer 5

Just tell them that Grandpa wanted to be a woman.  He felt more like a girl than a boy so the doctors gave him an operation to make him into a woman.  Explain that he's still the same on the inside and still loves them very much.  

It's not Jerry Springerish, it's life.  All people change in time, some just do it more than others.   If you guys love her and support her in her choice, then it doesn't matter.  She's still the same person on the inside and love doesn't choose male or female.  

And for those out there that don't like trans-sexuals or g**s, did you marry your spouse just because they were male or female???  Most people marry because of compatibility in their PERSONALITIES!

Answer 6

If the children won't see your FIL then maybe it's best you don't say anything. If someone was having another kind of surgery you wouldn't tell your kids right? So think of it that way and just don't bring it up. Maybe later on if there is a chance they might see him or talk to him then you should explain to them what ever your beliefs are on that subject but in a plain and nice way. Don't let them just see him it would be a shock. But later on if they do know it's okay for them to ask questions.

Answer 7

Hey youre lucky, you live in changing times... things like this wont be so taboo by the time they fully understand it. In my opinion, ask him (the fil) how hed like them to see him.