How do you NOT argue?

Question

My GF and I love each other very much but we have been arguing pretty heatedly lately (about once a week).

I think we are both on the sensitive side and so things get brought up pretty frequently. Sometimes it starts out okay (in discussion form) then escalates and can become a multi-hour argument where we are both just racking our brains trying to reach a resolution.

Yesterday she said "I love you and I know we are going to stay together but I don;t know how long I can take this anymore". I feel the same way and am afraid we will break up. When we are having these heated arguments I think we BOTH mean well, but they take up soooooo much time and energy what can we do?

Answer 1

some conflict yes but not with anger,

choosing to disagree or compromise is the answer.

if you get heated, get naked.

its hard to be intimidating and angry when your nude.

Answer 2

Look, here's the deal so listen up. The secret to a happy life is simply just knowing what to over look. The tangles you encounter are likly over really stupid stuff so just don't go there bud. Life is too short for that kind of stuff so just let the small stuff go and you will see a much happier relationship.  

Answer 3

I don't think it's a good idea to avoid arguments but it's important to argue in a productive, healthy way.

A healthy argument:

1.  Sticks to the topic at hand.  It does not degenerate into "Oh yeah? Well, what about when you did that thing we argued about last week?"  Once a topic is hashed out it should be off-limits.

2.  Doesn't get personal.  It should be about behaviors (not helping around the house, spending too much money) and not about personality (you're so stupid, you are a jealous *****).

3.  Is expressed in terms of how it makes the person talking feel, rather than just saying what the other person does.  Rather than saying, "You don't help enough around the house," it is more productive to say, "I feel like I'm being taken for granted when you come home from work and just put your feet up and ask when dinnertime is without giving me a hand."

4.  Is about both sides being heard.  It's not just a matter of who is louder.

When you start a discussion, review the rules and if necessary, have a "foul flag" (like a pen) that one of you can pick up when you feel that the rules are being broken.  Have your arguments sitting down, where one person can't use their size to intimidate the other.

If you want to make this work, but can't figure this out on your own, I suggest couples' counseling specifically on conflict resolution.  It can work wonders.

Answer 4

run while you can!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!...  dont marry the girl!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

you said it - it will eventually take so much energy that it will KILL YOU!

Answer 5

Remember it takes two to argue, When you feel an argument is coming, leave, and let your gf know that you are leaving to avoid another argument. Inform her that the arguments are taking a toll on you and if you and she do not go into counseling you will leave. Then if she does not want counseling, leave. If she is not interested in solving the problem, she is not interested in remaining in a relationship with you.

Answer 6

That is soooo easy .Me and my guy are 22 years apart and we never fight becasue....We never try to make the other person have to see it our way. We state how we feel and leave it at that, we have respect for each others minds and dont care if we see something differently. Think aboput it,,, that is when people fight, when the other wont feel the same way about something. Just learn to let it go, it makes for a great realationship.

Answer 7

When the arguments start getting heated just get away from each other and take a walk to cool off.

Answer 8

Love is not everything for a relationship to stay together, and you will find this out sooner or when she dumps you.

Answer 9

Just accept that you are NEVER going to agree on EVERYTHING. You are two intelligent individuals who are occasionally going to see things differently, and just be okay w/ that.  Being in a mature, long term relationship means that you need to just resolve to be happy, even if you are wrong.  Pick your battles.

Answer 10

Have s*x more often

Answer 11

This is very easy.... Agree to disagree... no one is always right, or Wrong... You two remind me of the person that fight to get their point across... you will the battle... but at what cost? All you did is yell at your best friend... yea... you won the battle, but you lost the war. You two are just 2 people...no one is every going to see things your way all the time, Everyone has a opinion and it is just that.. an opinion.. it is not right or wrong. There are going to be more important things to fight about in life, and if you can not learn to pick those battle, you will never make it in marriage.. This is coming from a man who is still married 20 years later.

Good luck

Answer 12

Have a signal that you both agree on. For example, put your hands on the other person's shoulders. That's just an example of a signal you could use.

  When you feel an argument starting to escalate, use that signal and don't say anything. Wait for the other person to realize what you just did - you signaled that things were about to escalate - so both of you smile and just change the subject and go on to other distracting things. Distance yourself from the topic.

  She can do that signal to you, you can do that signal to her. Days will pass when you use that signal a lot. Sometimes you won't need to use it at all.

  

Answer 13

You're not likely to learn how not to argue. What you want is to learn to argue the right way. Think about it. People in all sorts of situations argue without getting mad or yelling. It's not that they know more than you do, because you probably don't get into violent arguments with other people. There actually are people who can help you learn to argue with significant others. Marriage counselors and other professionals. Call a women's center for some references or just call some counselors and explain the problem.  

Answer 14

You have to ask yourself why are you arguing all the time? Yelling and screaming at one another doesn't solve anything, as you know it only makes things worse. You need to sit down together calmly and quietly and resolve your differences. When you truly love someone you should treat them with respect and yelling abuse is not doing that. Maybe you need some time out from each other for awhile, then you both will see how much you miss each other and how much your relationship means.

Answer 15

Get used to it, couples fight, couples argue.  It can't be helped.   And yes relationships take a lot of work and it can take a lot of time and energy.  In the long run if you can weather the storm so to speak it will be worth it.