How do you achieve forgiveness when the other party refuses to communicate?

Question

I really blew a friendship this time last year when I fell for him and then it got icky when I started to get argumentative and he just stopped speaking to me

I have asked many times via email and phone message if we can talk and I get no response

I am not surprised he won't speak because we were pretty nasty to each other but I am the sort of person to be very open, can forget huge rows and I'd rather smooth things over than move on and kick someone out of my life

Anyway clearly he is not the same.

I feel rotten. I feel so, so guilty about some of the things I said.

How do you forgive yourself and move on? He clearly has ... although he hasn't said the friendship is over I am assuming it is because of the 'non contact'

I need to forgive myself and move on, too but I feel like a s*****k and it seems like his forgiveness is the only key.

Any ideas, comments?

Yes, we are both g*y men in out late thirties and I miss him like crazy.

No homophobic comments please!

Answer 1

firstly you have to stop beating yourself up, he is not going to forgive you just because you want him to.

perhaps you could try thinking of something you know he would really like, something maybe he likes but knows you don't like, and surprise him with it. nothing to ott but a genuine gesture that will MEAN something

this way he will know that u genuinely want to rekindle a friendship with him and its not just because you want to be forgiven.

Answer 2

It is time to move on. Forgive yourself, learn from the mistakes you made and go forward. You have tried to make amends so you have done your part and should have no guilt. Maybe, someday he will be ready to speak to you again but I would just let it go at this point..........................

Answer 3

i still love her but she's in love with her boyfriend...i tried to save our friendship but i'm afraid i've spoilt everything! The forgiveness has to come from inside you...i miss her but i don't think her forgiveness for me loving her could do something, i'm not even sure if she's angry with me but i think she simply chose not to see me to make things easier...try to forgive you and go on, i'm sure you'll find another love and that will give you the complete forgiveness... :D by from another herth in pain from Italy, love's no boundaries nor (gendre) linits :D

Answer 4

Forgiveness is a gift you give to yourself.  You have evidently forgiven your friend, but have not yet made the decision that you are also worthy of forgiveness.  Trust me, you are.  We all make terrible mistakes in our lives, but we all deserve to have the peace that forgiveness brings.  You are worthy of it.

Answer 5

Time will pass & you won't feel as bad as you do now. Learning from our mistakes is important, be aware as you move on with your life that this situation will be as a learning experience for you & hopefully you will carry knowledge & more wisdom to your next endevour in life.

It may be time you stopped calling/emailing this person, it sounds obvious that it is over between you. By contiuing to call/email this person, it sounds as if you will only exacerbate your own feelings of guilt etc. It's time to move on & put this behind you. We all make mistakes, to err is to be human.

I wish you luck for the future.

Answer 6

maybe he got hurt too much by your arguments and it feels right for him to pit some distance between you both

Answer 7

I think maybe the way to forgive yourself is to make sure that you have learned something from this to take forwards into your next relationship.

Start learning how not to blame or be nasty how to state your case neutrally and walk away from warring. Maybe go to anger management classes - If you sort yourself out the self- forgiveness will come - You will be able ot look back at how you were and see that it came from a dis-empowered place - (Look up stuff about co-dependency)

Sorting yourself out might be a gift you can take back to him when he might be missing you but you need to do it for yourself- That kind of recriminations based fighting is the pits for everyone concerned.

best wishes