How do you address someone who does not send thank you cards after you have given multiple gifts?

Question

I am looking for a tactful way to address a person who does not send thank you cards for gifts. I have attended 2-3 different "special"occasions for a family member, with gift in tow and not once have I gotten a thank you. Once for a bridal shower 5 months ago, a wedding (yes I know you have a year to send them out) and now I am invited to her baby shower, which I am feeling a little irritated about, since I did not receive a thank you for the first child 10 years ago.

Please offer polite and non sarcastic advice,

Cheers

Answer 1

Frankly, I don't expect thank you notes until I get one in the mail. Maybe you should print the part about thank you notes from an etiquette book or website and send that along with your invitation. Unless you're upfront with these kinds of people, though, they rarely get it. I heard somewhere that you don't have to send thank you notes to family.

Answer 2

Gifts are not supposed to be given with stipulations, they're supposed to be out of the goodness of your heart.  Yeah, people should say thank you, but if you're giving a gift on the condition that the person thanks you, keep it.  the fact that you're keeping score from 10 YEARS AGO is highly disturbing!  I don't know if you have other issues with this person, or you're just petty with everyone, but if you aren't giving just because you want the person to have it, you're heart's in the wrong place.  If it was me, I'd prefer that you kept your gift.

Unclench, my sister, breathe.

Answer 3

Just be like Thanks for the Thanks! lol I always forget to send them out.....Sorry!

Answer 4

I would send them a blank thank you card with a self addressed return envelope... :P

Answer 5

If I were you, I would be a bit peeved as well. I have a sister who sounds like the person you are describing and I have asked her flat out why she doesn't send out thank you notes among other questions regarding etiquette. She always just shrugs it off saying, "I dunno" or "You don't HAVE to do that". Maybe it is her generation. Maybe it is how she was raised. Maybe its just her attitude about things. Everyone is different. You sound like a good person and I know you probably won't stop giving gifts, but you must stop expecting the thankyou notes, because it doesn't sound like you are going to get them. I feel she is wrong for not sending them, but to each their own.

Answer 6

Hi.  

Please remember, not everyone is raised the same.  I was raised to be thankful and send notes too.  However, this isn't the same for everyone and we learn etiquet from our folks.

Don't be offended.  Did the person say thank you at the time?  

Seriously, don't give a gift and expect something in return - you'll always be let down.  Give a gift and just give it to give, not to get.  Don't be offened if you don't receive thanks, it doesn't mean they didn't like it - it just means they see 'thank you's' a bit different.

Answer 7

I've been in your same shoes, and started to simply send cards with my best wishes.  If a person cannot bring him/herself to say thank you for a gift, your money and time to shop can be much better spent elsewhere.

Answer 8

I know that feeling.  I sent out a really nice check for a wedding and to this day, (1.5 years later) have not received a thank you card or a personal thank you either!  How rude people are at this time!  I didn't even get a written thank you for my nieces' graduation gift!

Don't go.  Don't send them anything!  I get so annoyed at people wanting two or three babyshowers and the like.  You are not held accountable for going, don't go.

I wouldn't go.

Answer 9

When handing them in person - the only thing you could do later is to ask that person - "did you like the _______ I gave you?"

When you send something in the mail, if you get no thank you, you can always write and ask if they received the gift.

Short of subtle hints like the above here's the deal - you are within your rights to stop giving. If someone says something to you, you can respond "I've never received a Thank You and assumed that my gifts were not appreciated".

Sometimes, etiquette also includes guiding people into appropriate behavior.

Answer 10

Honestly, stop bringing gifts.

Answer 11

I am always pleasantly surprised when I receive a Thank You card -- always.  Many young adults, teens and pre-teens are not aware that thank you cards are very good manners -- they really don't know.

If you must express yourself about this, then perhaps a book about etiquette could be the next gift.

Answer 12

woah woah woah

OKAY FIRST OFF:

were in the new millennium,  where snail mailis almost obsolete. Did she perhaps give you a gracious "THANK YOU" in person vocally? Did she maybe email you at one point and mention a short thanks somewhere in there? I give lots of gifts, and although people say thanks, i drop it at that; if i get a note in the mail, it swipes me off my feet!!! a text message of thanks usually is pleasing as well.

its just not alot of people have everyones address, so i wouldnt see sending out formal thank yous as a common thing anymore. maybe give her a set of thank you cards as her next gift if your really adamant about her sending them out.

i got my friend a book to writing thank you notes as her bridal shower gift

Answer 13

Some people just don't do cards, chalk it up to ignorance and move on.

Answer 14

It depends are they are a good friend or just someone you know?

If their a good friend maybe they think you know how much they appreciate you and what you do.

If their just someone you know they may be trying to just invite as many people as they can to get gifts or they could be inviting you to be nice. If this is the case i would just say that your busy and cant attend the baby shower but your sorry.

I had the same thing happen to me and this person sent a thank you to my friend but not me so i knew they did thank you cards, i know how annoying it is expecially if you spent alot. Im sorry. Good luck i hope this helped?

Answer 15

As long as you attended the party and enjoy it and want to continue attending such parties, and feel the need to give gifts, forget about the thank yous.

Answer 16

Don't give with expectations.  Just know that many of us agree with you that it is rude for someone to not say/send thank you -- especially for formal occassions like weddings, bridal or baby showers, graduations etc.  It does speak poorly of the the recipient.  Maybe it will help you to not put so much into your gift giving or only send congratulations and warm regards.  It won't hurt so much.

Answer 17

If you are with someone when they open the gift you give them then I think the thank you note is optional.  I think you are being nit picky and you should forget about it....the only one I would wonder about is the wedding gift...those thank you's are a must.

Answer 18

I too have never received a thank you note.  We live in a time where such niceties are no longer the norm.  Perhaps while you are forced to make small talk with your host and fellow guest you can steer the conversation in that direction.  Make sure you don't embarrass your host in an obvious way though.  If done correctly you can get your point across without a direct confrontation.  Keep in mind, however, that your host may never send a note regardless of whether they  know your position on the subject.

Answer 19

I don't know, but I often experience this, and will look forward to reading what other people have to say.  Sorry I can't help you.

Answer 20

this isn't exactly your question,   but what GETS you a thank you note now is to say to her mother that you never know if "Jane" likes your presents or if she even gets them, since you don't hear from her.

If you say this to her mother, she may well hate you forever, but you will get some sort of gift acknowledgment.

More direct is "Jane, i'm not sending you any more presents.

It must be a problem with the postal service,  because i am certain if you DID receive my gifts you would send me a Thank You note.  "