How do you and when do you tell a child they are adopted?

Question

We were planing on doing adoption day party the day it was finalized. We have decided against it since i have been on this site. How do you let a small child know they are adopted.

Answer 1

i am adopted and i have known scince i was adopted.  there are alot of books out there that you can read to your children to let them know all about adoption and how special they are. if you dont tell them they might just find out anyway and that would not be good. just be open and honest they will always love you as there mother. i am 23 and my mother adopted me when i was 5 she will always be my mother despite not giving birth to me

Answer 2

Just my opinion, I would begin telling a child right from the beginning. I don't think there would be anything more devastating than going your whole life thinking your parents created you and one day find out they didn't.

The child should know that they are special because you picked them.They should know that you did not biologically create them, but they are more special because they were chosen. The last thing you would ever want to do is make them feel like thrown away garbage. Tell them their biological parents really loved them and explain the circumstances..... such as.... "they were really young and loved you so much, that they wanted a better life for you, than they could give you."

i commend you for adopting a child and wish you all the luck!

Answer 3

Just come out and tell them the truth.  It would be better to tell them now rather than later because right now they won't really have too much of an opinion on it.  It will be easy on them later because they knew from the start but they also get the chance to see how loving you are to them and what a great family they have now to compensate for being adopted.

Answer 4

R they wouldn’t understand at that age but it still gets the word out there. Go to a bookstore or amazon.com you can find plenty of books on adoption for different ages. There are some I believe that are for children younger then 18months. For example a book called The Day We Met You is geared towards baby’s to preschool age. I would defiantly get some of this books for your child.  

You still might consider having a welcome to the family party, it could also be sometime during the fall. Give you time to bond with the baby and the baby with you.

Answer 5

Be as loving ans as nurturing as ou can be, there is no right way to tell a child that they were adopted and most of all, a child that little only knows his parents to be the ones who take care of him and love him unconditionally. All you can is love him and make sure that he knows it and when the time is right when he gets older, he will know that you love him and what he thinks of his biological parents and the judgement he makes is on him, but allow him room and time to understand. My mom was adopted and she still loved her parents very much after she found out, but she was 14 years old and had a goold life.  So you really have to time it right ad just focus on the HERE and NOW of the issue and treat him as if he wereown.  Hope this helps. ~MB~

Answer 6

Hi R,

How crafty are you?  Its really nice to have an adoption book for young kids.  You can buy a report book that you can place 8x11 paper in at any office supply store.

Keep it simple and matter of fact.  You can start with a photo of his mother.  This is your other mother (name).  Then with a background of pregnant woman's belly we placed a small picture of daughter as a newborn, explaining how she grew in (name)'s tummy.  Talk about it as a journey.  Born at the hospital, foster care family, then to your family or whatever your son's journey was.

This is where it would be nice to have little things from your child's other mother.  IE; when mama M. was pregnant with you, she said you hiccuped every night at midnight.  Add as many details about his other mother and family as you can.

Almost forgot, don't embellish the truth keep it simple.  You can put emotion into it how his other mother felt or wished for him and its okay to end it with how lucky you feel to be able to raise such an amazing little boy.

My daughter spent hours looking thru her "My story" book.  That way i never had to come out and have the "you are adopted" talk.  It was read to her nightly and questions were answered.  She will tell you she has always known she was adopted into our family.  Best wishes. I hope i helped.

Answer 7

First you should have an adoption day party.  That day is the day you offically become a family and it should be celebrated.  Take pictures and make a scrapbook.  

I can not remember when my parents told me I was adopted.  I just know I knew.  I knew the story of how I came to be their daughter, it was told to me as a bedtime story.  When I was older we talked about it when I had questions.  My mother always told me that if I ever had questions or wanted to talk just to let her know.  She was always quite open with me when I was ready.  I love the fact that I wasn't told every day, "you are adopted, a special child".  To me that would make me feel different.  I loved that it was a known, but only discussed when I was ready or felt it was appropriate.  My parents always made me feel like I was theirs that way.

Answer 8

My son is 3.  He knows he's adopted.  I bring up his life storey whenever we are in a casual conversation about other family/life occasions.  

As he gets older he asks more involved questions...  and I answer him with the truth (as age-appropriately as possible).  

When we're done talking, I ask him if there's anything else he wants to talk about.  Sometimes he'll ask about Toys R Us or just say no.  But each time we talk, I remind him that he can ask me anything at any time.  When he is older he'll understand more and "get" what I mean.

Answer 9

I think the party sounds like a fantastic idea...its always best to tell the child when they are young.  They may not understand when you tell them but they will grow up knowing that they are adopted.  Please please do not wait.  My parents waited and waited and I found out the worst way I could.  Lets just say it wasnt my parents that told me.  It was the most upsetting time in my life and I wouldnt want that to happen to anyone else.  Tell your adopted child the day that you bring them home.....and just always remember to tell them that they are special because they were choosen and that they are loved by you.  I would have loved a party and lots of pictures to look back on.  At least its a great way to meet the new family, well at the least the closest family members.  Keep it short and sweet cause you dont know how the child will react.  If the child loves every sec you can extend the fun.  Just remember the first days should be a great way for you to get to know your new child and do the things that they love and want to do...it really is all about them.  Good Luck and Your a wonderful person for adopting!

Answer 10

i think the awnser is obvious, R. there isnt a way to tell anyone their adopted. and unlike dating, you cant break it to someone gently.

and they arnt going to quite understand it at tht age, but do the best you can do. or wait til' there older. you pick.