How do you approach bridesmaids about this...?

Question

I can't afford to buy their dresses. I want them to pay for them. one is my sister the other is my best friend, but I feel so awkward walking up to them and just saying "hey you're paying for your dress by the way". How do I do this a bit more tactfully (clearly I am not the queen of tact. lol)

Answer 1

If you're really uncomfortable about making them buy their own dresses you do have the option of giving them broad enough options for what they wear that it can be something they already own.

Otherwise just be upfront with them, I agree with the idea of getting them all together and explaining that your budge is a little tight, and telling them that you can't afford to buy their dresses.

Your ideas so far sound good. Best of luck!

Answer 2

Actually, I have found that wedding dos and don'ts can vary alot just from community to community, much less country to country!  If it is customary in your area for the bride to pay for the dress, then I think you should have them over for coffee or something to sit down and discuss their dresses.  Have some brides magazines and books that you can all look through.  As what looks good and bad on them as far as color and style.  See what their ideas are.  Come out and as them how much they think they can spend on EVERYTHING they have to buy.  Dress, shoes, hair, makeup, etc.  If they have long dresses that cover up shoes, they can probably wear a neutral pair the already have.  Shorter dresses may be cheaper at first, but may require matching shoes and stockings.  Do they want to have matching hairdos enough to pay for it themselves?  That sort of thing.  Go ahead and hash it all out before you go shopping.  Honestly, I know it is your wedding, but I have always thought that if the bridesmaids were expected to pay for the clothes and shoes, they should have a say in what they look like.  They also know what looks good on them, and you want them to look good so they can reflect well on you!  If they are really strapped for cash, try to find some nice, off the rack prom dresses or something.   Just read your edits/additions.  It sounds like we are on the same page about alot of things.  If they know you are helping them find a good price, it will really help their attitude, too, I think.

Answer 3

I don't think your expected to buy the dresses unless they are really hideous. I have always had to buy my dresses,and i didn't think a thing of it. They should understand.

Answer 4

Well, here the bride always pays for the bridesmaid dresses (I also always get thumbs down for this, but I never bought one and neither did my daughters when we were attendants.  And we always bought the bridesmaid/ MOH dresses for my daughter's weddings).  However, times change.

That being said, ask the girls what they are comfortable paying.  Then try to find something that fits that budget.  Please, Please don't wait until you are trying them on - let them know far enough in advance so they can be prepared.

Best of luck to you!

Answer 5

If they are your Bridesmaids then you should be comfortable with them and you all should already be friends so just  explain to them that they are buying the dresses, you can put a  little twist on it by saying "at least you'll have something to remember me buy", or " if you hate the dresses you can take it out on them in your own time cause their yours after the wedding!".

Good Luck with the wedding  

Answer 6

Unless you explicitly told them that YOU were planning on paying for the dresses, the fact that they were buying them should have been implied and understood when they agreed to be your bridesmaids.

If you haven't already chosen the dresses, maybe you could ask them for their input, with a comment like, "I want to make sure that we choose something that doesn't put too much strain on your budget."  This would avoid the awkward situation of openly saying "You know you're paying for this, right?" yet DEFINITELY drive home the idea that they are financially responsible.

Edit:  Wow, you have a bad attitude, what with belittling nearly everyone who has offered advice!  You didn't specify where you were from, and if we're reading this from the US version of Yahoo! Answers, then we are likely to assume you are in the US unless you specify otherwise.  (This question isn't even showing up on the UK version...) There's no need to get upset because people are offering advice based on a wrong assumption (and not one that is being used to insult you!).  That's when you offer further details, but you should do it in a way that's not insulting to the people that are attempting to help you.

I don't think you necessarily need to be IN the dress store before you talk to your bridesmaids about what they might want to wear.  You can look at pictures in magazines, on the internet, etc - so when people say that you could get the input from your bridesmaids, they aren't implying that you have to be standing in front of a rack.  

If your bridesmaids are expecting you to purchase the dresses but you simply cannot afford them, then just say so.  You don't have to say "Oh by the way..." but you can say something like: "I am having a bit of trouble with my wedding budget.  I'm sorry, but I don't think I can afford to pay for your dresses.  Would you mind purchasing your own dress?  We will try to choose something on clearance..." etc.

Answer 7

I knew to buy my first bridesmaid dress by the bride saying "i registered here, and i gave them your information and the dress i picked out for you. all you need to do is go there, try it on to find a size, and order it. they'll probably ask for half now, half later." and didn't say anything more.

i use to grow up thinkign the bride baught them, but now i definetely know that's not the way it works. my 2nd wedding, a year later, the bride said the same thing "go to the wedding shop that i registered, they'll have your info, and get your dress. make sure you have it by this date"

and my wedding is in december, and i have both my sister-in-laws (already married to my hubby/now having a ceremony) and my best friends...  i called them and told them the same thing. "i picked the dress i wanted you to have. the price is $155 but you get a discount cause i bought my wedding dress from the same place. you'll have to pay in full in order to purchase it." and they took care of it. each of them called me and told me they ordered it.

no one will say "i thought you pay for it?" because the whole....bride paying for bridesmaid... isn't a natural custom anymore.

honestly, i dont even think they'll be phased by it at all. my bridesmaids knew going into it that they'll eventually have to pay for something. they're out of town, so they kew they'd need to pay for a hotel room to share (didn't assume i'd pay for it at all) and the same went for the dresses...

hoenstly, i wouldn't worry about it- just give them the information and say "you'll need to get it by this date, so go in, try on the sizes and discuss purchasing it with the main bridal consultant."

i hope this helps!

Answer 8

It's ok. No one expects the bride to pay anymore, it's nice if you can but never expected. Most grown women know that a dress will be a part of the cost of being in the wedding.

But I do recommend keeping it around the $150 mmark and remember they will need a deposit to order the dresses.

And as Annette said, try to let them have as much choice as possible.

Answer 9

Since you aren't going to pay for the dresses I suggest a compromise. You should sit your bridesmaids down for coffee or tea and have a simple honest conversation with them!

Tell them that you feel badly that you cannot afford to buy their dresses for them. They'll understand, I'm sure.

A compromise that you can make since they are buying is to pick a color and allow them to choose whatever dress they like and are likely to wear again (providing you approve of the dress before they buy it). Since you only have two bridesmaids it will look sweet if they have different dresses of the same color, and they might be happy they were able to choose something that was flattering on them and they might wear them again.

The three of you can make a fun day of it! You can all go shopping together and they can model their options and you can all participate. The bridesmaids will then have control over how much they spend and how they look, and you will be along to make sure their colors match and you approve of the dress.

Hope this helps!

Answer 10

I think the first step is to consider dresses that your bridesmaids will be able to wear again.  I have recently seen weddings in which each bridesmaid wore a different dress, but all were the same color.  I think it would be especially nice if you could settle on a style that could be worn as a party dress or a cocktail dress in the future.

As for approach, I would try something like this, "Liz and Janet, I am so glad you want to be part of my wedding.  As much as I want to buy your dresses for you, I just cannot afford to.  But, I want you to know that I want you there with me, and I am committed to making sure whatever you wear is affordable.  Are you still in?"

Answer 11

Nowdays, its the bridesmaids responsibility to pay for their own dresses. You shouldn't have too many problems unless you have already told them that you would pay for them. I'd bring it up by asking what sort of dresses they would feel comfortable in and then add...''is it going to be too expensive for you? I can probably find something else if you are not happy with the cost.''

Thats what I'd do anyway but hey...I'm cheeky lol.  

Answer 12

i would chose some dresses and say is this outta your budget? and try to keep them under  $150, i think just about all bridesmaids know they have to pay for the dress unless you other as the gift for them

don't fret

Answer 13

Your right if my best-friend would have waited til we were in the store to tell me i had to pay for my own dress i would have been upset not because i would have to pay but because she was being a bit sneaky.

Around the time my best-friend was supposed 2 be getting married her father passed away so she was paying for all those arrangements as well as her wedding and such, so when it came time to buy the dresses, she took us all out to dinner and told us that she was really sorry, that she couldn't afford to buy our dresses. She also told us that if we couldn't either she would understand and would just ask other girls to be in her wedding but that we meant a lot to her. What we did was that we decided to buy or use our little black dresses that we all keep handy. This was actually a good idea because it made the pictures look great.

Maybe before you tell themyouu can find dresses(if youhaven'tt already) that are not that expensive or let them pick out dresses that they like that they would normally buy for themselves such as a black dress.

You could also maybe buy them earrings or accessoriess since you cant buy them the dresses.

hope this helps

Good luck

Answer 14

I'm guessing you've already asked the to be in the wedding so your best bet is to contact them and say something to the effect of "we have gone over our budget and I want you to be aware that we are going to have to ask you to purchase your own bridesmaid dress.  if this is a problem and you want to back out, there will be absolutely no hard feelings, just let me know".

I think the best possible way would have been that when you ask them you tell them "before you say yes or no, I need you to know that you will need to purchase your own dress".

Answer 15

It's perfectly OK to ask that the maids buy their own dresses, but you should also be OK with them needing to back out if they can't or won't buy it.  Just say, "Susan, I am so glad that you've agreed to be my bridesmaid, but I do want you to know that I won't be able to pay for your dress.  I'm sorry I can't, but I just can't afford it after all the other expenses.  I want to work with both you and Jean to find something that will suit you and fit in your budget.  If you feel that it's not an expense you can take on I won't be offended if you want to step down."  Then, see what each of them says.  If one or both must decline to be a maid, then just try not to be a bridezilla about it.  There are other solutions.

Answer 16

In the U.S., bridesmaids buy their own dresses. It is part of the responsibility you accept being a bridesmaid.