How do you as a Mom deal with your "Non-Mom" friends?

Question

I have a friend from high school that is, for lack of better terms, still stuck in high school mode. She got married and they live with her Mom because her husband doesn't work. I love her to death and have been friends with her for over 10 years, but she calls me up at 9 or 10 pm asking if I want to go to a club or to an all night bowling event. She even called me to ask if I wanted to go to a strip club for women!

I have children and I have a husband. Strip clubs have never interested me and I can't just up and leave at a moment's notice to go out and party or that she will only talk to me when she wants me to go out clubbing. I have children that need me and one of them I'm breast feeding. When I invited her over for my birthday (which was a child free night except for my infant), she didn't respond to let me know either way and didn't show up.

How do you deal with other Non-Mommy friends who don't seem to understand that we can't just up and leave on a whim to go out for a night on the town? How does it make you feel when they only want to talk to you when they want you to go somewhere and they otherwise ignore you?

Answer 1

obviously she's being extremely immature....she needs to move out of her mom's house and go get a real life.  Just stand up for what you believe, and just tell her when she has kids of her own she'll understand, but until then, you just do what's right for you

Answer 2

Loose the leash a bit on your husband and let him impregnate your friends. 'Cause obviously their men ain't doin' it!  

Answer 3

Are you moving to Florida anytime soon so you and I can become friends? :-)

What surprises me is that you have been a mommy for two years and she still doesn't get it.

I would suggest just keep on declining her invites to those silly places and continue to invite her to your home for dinner and such.  Also, plan your own girls night out that is more your style.  Donner, coffee, movie...whatever and invite her.  Pretty soon she'll realize that you are not interested in going to the places she goes.  Also, nothing wrong with telling her straight up, "I don't go to places like that.  Maybe we could go have dinner together instead?"

Answer 4

Honestly, after having kids, I didn't keep up with most of my friends who weren't moms.  The ones that I have, our lives have gone even further down different paths.  I have a friend from junior high who I remember as being boy-crazy, obsessed with fashion, and somewhat shallow, and I've finally just given up on trying to stay friends with her because when I would read her blog and try to comment, I just found that our similar interests are dwindling.  When I had the opportunity to visit her when I was in her town visiting my brother who lives there, I decided that it wasn't worth it to me to see her because our lives just have gone different ways.  

Sometimes, a friend will touch your life at one time, but they don't always remain your friend because you change and your lives change, and it's okay.  I honestly would still be kind to her but I wouldn't continue to work on that friendship.  Sounds like you don't have a lot in common anymore.

Answer 5

This seems like more a personal instance than an occurrence most people deal with. Also, I'd say she's stuck more in college mode than high school mode because strip clubs card you and most high schoolers have 9 or 10 PM curfews.

She probably thinks that being a mom must be tedious and tiring and thinks she's doing you a favor by putting some excitement into your life. Just keep turning her down when she calls- she'll eventually stop asking.  

Answer 6

Well if I were you I would directly tell your friend that you have matured and that she also needs to mature.  Tell her that you can't just leave that you have to take care of your baby which is now probably the most important thing in your life, possibly more important then your husband lol.  In any case, if she doesn't understand this then you should tell her that you cannot talk/hang out with her anymore.  I really don't know how it feels as I am a male, but I think you should blow her off a couple of times like she has done to you in any case.  Show her that she can't just have you at her will and that you're not going to be stepped all over.  If she really cannot understand that your baby is first priority, then you really can't be friends anymore.

Answer 7

I know all too well how you are feeling. I have a friend who I have literally been friends with my entire life. Almost 25 years....wow. And I have to say unfortunately we hardly ever speak anymore because every time she calls me it ends in a fight over my daughter. She is also stuck in the "single woman/high school mode" She has even gone as far as to say she is jealous of my 3 year old because she gets more of my attention than I give to her. Unbelievable right.... Yeah. It is so hard because she is my best friend but at the same time it hurts me when she tells me that she doesn't understand why I spend so much time at home or that she doesn't feel like I am the same person she used to know and that I have forgot how to have fun. Of course I am not the same person. Having a child changes you in a million ways. It forces you to have a whole new perspective on responsibility and being home with my family is now my idea of "fun". She has said so many hurtful things. She can't seem to grasp the fact that I can't just get up and go anymore as I have 2 other people I need to consider in every decison that I make. As sad as it makes me, I am not sure she will ever understand where I am coming from until she has a child of her own. I hope your situation has a better turn out than mine has...