How do you avoid keeping someone from steering you into doing what they want after you've said "no"?

Question

I can't keep up with subtle ways of manipulation, so I sometimes find myself doing exactly what I'd already said I won't do. How do I avoid this when the circumstances aren't simple? E.g. To leave the room would mean leaving small children alone, etc. I don't want to get into that type of situation in the first place (being stuck or having extremely limited and/or bad choices). Not that I have small children to take care of. I just used that as an example. Thanks for your advice!

Answer 1

If it is for something to do on a later date - don`t answer yet - say " I need to check my schedule " and walk away.

Pretend to check your schedule (go read a comic in the toilet or something) and think about what they are asking of you.

If you do not want to - go back and say you have a previous planned something on that day.

(You could even write in something like " Shopping with M." where M is ' ME ' )

If you still feel overwhelmed, and manipulated, you may want to talk to a doctor or a professional for some assertiveness training.

It`s not easy - but definately worth it once you know how to stand your ground.

Quick example from my life:

I`m a computer tech / sys admin - and people ask me advice or ask me to fix their computers.

For good friends (who have proven themselves to be just that) and family - no problem. For the neighbor who is very helpful (without me asking) no problem.

But for the mother of the friend of the neighbor of the sister of the nephew of the lady that goes to the same church as my sisters brother-in-law - there i drew the line.

I asked for a minimum of $30 for my time - and after the first hour $10 / hour.

That helped cutting down the requests from basically total strangers from 4 a week, to 1 every 6 months.

Answer 2

without knowing the situation I have no idea but I hope it is not putting small children in danger...