How do you become comfortable with s*x when you’ve gained weight?

Question

I have always been thin (5' 5" around 110 lbs) but I have gained 20 lbs in the last 6 months. That kind of weight on a body like mine is a HUGE difference. My husband wants to have s*x with me when he gets home. We haven’t had s*x in a few months & it’s rare that he wants to. I always initiated but I was way hotter before so I was never intimidated. I think I’ve been laying low so now he’s finally having to initiate. What am I going to do? This body isn’t even mine. I’m horrified right now. My stomach is flabby, my thighs are dimply, I feel like I have 2 chins & I won’t look good from any angle. How do I overcome this? I’m heading into the shower now & I’m going to do a spray tan. I can’t s***w this up. He never initiates.

Answer 1

My GOD.

How about get your blubber butt to the GYM?

It ain't rocket science, really it is not.

Answer 2

realize  your husband has unconditional love for you and wow you are still at a normal weight... I am 5'4" and 118  pounds and I feel fat as well so I go to the gym and my work out partner who is of the opposite s*x thinks I am crazy for thinking I am not tone enough.. looking down at my legs seeing the fat under my knees makes me discusted with my body but I realize its got to be the angle cuz unless everyone around me is lying I don't look discusting... its all in your head  

Answer 3

OK first off 5'5" and 130 is not over weight at all but I can understand feeling self concious after having gained weight. Where a s**y nighty, one that covers your butt and stomach and you will fee much more secure.  

Answer 4

Well you obviously sound like you're not happy with your weight.  You're NOT overweight, though.  Currently you're 5'5" and 130lbs?  This makes your BMI 21.6.  A healthy BMI is between 18.5 and 24.9.  Actually, the healthiest BMI you can possibly possess is 22, because studies show that a BMI of 22 has the least amount of risk for disease.

If you drop your weight back down to 110lbs, that would drop your BMI to 18.3, which is BELOW the smallest recommended BMI of 18.5.  I would suggest learning to be happy with your new weight, you're healthy! :)

If you're concerned with your muscle tone, why not try doing some toning exercises to build muscle and eliminate "thigh dimples" (which I'm sure you don't even possess!)  Building muscle will keep your weight about the same and will make your body look more toned - you may end up being even more pleased with your looks.

Try initiating s*x with your husband again.  Take it slowly so you begin to feel more comfortable.  Have the lights off, or use candlelight for awhile until you regain your confidence.

Good luck!

Answer 5

Get a grip on yourself.  It is hard for women to remain thin as they get older, we are engineered to keep weight on (for survival during pregnancy and lactation) and once we hit the thirty mark, everyone metabolism begins to slow down.  Then its even harder to lose.

You might be hitting close to that thirty mark or possibly you are on meds that are causing weight gain.  Whatever it is, you need to think about it and make a plan to lose a little, but lose it slowly as too quickly will only cause you to gain back double.

In the meantime and going forward into your life you are going to have to start gaining some respect for your body the way it is and the way you are. Apparently your man still appreciates you which is a good thing, he's not shallow.  Be glad for that.

As for yourself, do what you can to find out what might have contributed to the weight gain and change your habits accordingly.  If you don't, it will continue to creep on and you'll be wishing you only had twenty pounds to lose!

Consider this a personal growth period for youself.  Women shouldn't have to feel deficient just because of their looks, its ridiculous. How many men do you see fretting about their guts? Not that anyone should be unhealthy, but put it into perspective and don't let it rule your life.  Be healthy and work a routine into your life and that's that.

Answer 6

Start walking and cut your calories.

But your husband has gotten the "Honey, I love you and I'll let you know if I change my mind" syndrome.

He has forgotten how to be romantic.

Remind him of why he married you. I almost lost my wife of 22 years because of this "syndrome." to another man.

You're missing compliments, attention and affection.

I would hate for what happened to me to happen to anybody!

You've got to TELL him that you want to be desired like you were before you were married.

Once he realizes what has been missing, he'll not let you out of the bed!

I would go 2 months at a time and not make love to my wife and now, since I WOKE up from this very tough lesson, we havesex about 5 nights a week.

Good Luck

Answer 7

hey, fat or not, and you don't sound fat, but to you you probably are, everyone has different views on the way the feel they look like.  anyway, if you husband still wants you sexually you obviously still look good to him.  if you are that uncomfortable, wear a tank top, that way your boobies are still accessible, and leave the lights off, or better yet, light some candles cuz no matter what you look like in the light, candle light always softens the edges and makes everyone look good!

Answer 8

It's not that hard - lose the weight one day at a time. Set a goal to reach after say 4 weeks, and every day spend 30 mins exercising, even if it is just walking around the block. Time yourself, and each day aim to beat yesterdays time. Also, drink a large glass of water before each meal to fill you up a bit, put one third less on your plate each meal, chew it thoroughly, and stop all junk food.

None of it is that hard, but you need to be consistent - every day. Before you know it, you will be hot, hot, hot again! Good luck.

Answer 9

You just DO IT this time, DO NOT TURN HIM DOWN as he is initiating and you want to encourage him.  Just like you do the dishes or laundry when you really aren't in the mood, you can do this, and chances are when you get into it you'll start to relax and enjoy yourself.  Also, if you find yourself criticizing your body, throw out that thought or those thoughts and replace them with thoughts of how good it feels or how cute your husband is.  

Answer 10

your current playing weight is definitely not out of control - the issue is the gain in such a short period. i would think there is some other issue contributing to this which co-incidentally is affecting your love life

you were 50 kg and now your 58 kg - i would expect now you look fine anyway, you are probably at your correct weight  

Answer 11

The body IS yours.  The acceptance of that fact prevents you from moving forward and you are becoming convinced of things that are NOT true.  

I'm hearing you describe that having s*x is important to you, but for what reasons?  You initiate it.  You aren't as hot. You have been laying low.  You have gained 20 lbs.  You're 5'5" and approx 130 lbs.  You are stuck on you.  What about your spouse?  It seems as if you have full control over when, where, and if sexual relations occur between you two.  Have you rendered your spouse powerless in making decisions about lovemaking?

Let him initiate this time.  Let him call the shots, so to speak.  Let him experience something he's not familiar with.  This may be something that's really good for your relationship and the beginning of a new pleasurable experience.

But I think it is important that you reevaluate your concept of spousal relations.  It is a time for closeness, intimacy, vulnerability, ecstasy, exercise, and relaxation.  It is something that only you two can share between you because you are a unique couple with unique chemical attraction and unique love for one another.  True s*x is about love.  Sharing oneself with another to show love, trust, and understanding.  

It may be beneficial for you to read a book written for women who have low self-esteem and poor body image.  I think you will gain some insight about the inflated and misconstrued proportion through which you are thinking about the weight gain, as well as the importance of positive self-talk.  You are extremely overwrought about a minor incident and that often indicates something else underlying the relationship, not just the s*x.  It will also be beneficial for you to have a couple of sessions with a licensed professional counselor or psychotherapist for assistance in discovering what the underlying issue may be or if there is even one present at all.  I think you need to sort some misconceptions out but you will only be successful with the assistance of a counselor/therapist because you're in the midst of the ocean and cannot see the shore.  

Be good to yourself.  Let your husband experiment with the initiator role.  Let yourself relax and enjoy not having to steer the boat and determine the course of navigation.  

Let yourself be free and enjoy making love to your spouse because you love him, which outshines any other reason.

Answer 12

honestly...i'm not trying to be rude, but you can overcome this by losing the weight...simple.

Answer 13

What's stopping you from losing weight?  

Answer 14

I'm a bit confused... You said your husband wants to have s*x when he gets home, but he never initiates it. So... does he want it or not?

I know how hard it is when you gain weight. Maybe you should spend some time each day walking, working out and/or eating better. You'll start to feel better about yourself.

But as for the s*x, the guy loves you! He's not looking at your dimples or your chins. Women are so critical of themselves, and the things we hate about our bodies are sometimes the things our men love! I always hated my thighs because of cellulite, but then just found out that my guy never even noticed it! (Trust me, I can tell when he's lying!)

Guys have s*x in order to connect intimately with their partner. I just heard something recently that made a lot of sense to me. s*x to a guy is what conversation is to a woman. When s*x is withheld from a man for any reason, it's tantamount to withholding conversation from a woman. So that connection is really important.

Why don't you buy a s**y new piece of lingerie, turn the lights down low, and show your guy you still have confidence and know how to turn him on (and vice versa). Soon he'll start initiating it because he'll know you desire him!

Answer 15

Stop being so self-absorbed and just do it!  Your husband wants to have s*x with you when he gets home. DO IT

A husband wants s*x. 20 pounds isn't going to make him stop wanting it but your attitude will.. Get over yourself.

Answer 16

just don't look at yourself when you are having s*x...don't concentrate on that..we all gain weight...exercise if you don't want to be that way

Answer 17

Turn off the lights, light some candles, and put on something that makes you feel s**y. Even if you don't feel confident, fake it! Men think there's nothing sexier than a woman who's confident in her own skin.

Answer 18

You just do.  If he is not complaining and being verbally abuse in regards to your weight, then don't worry.  Just work on a plan to lose the weight, if you feel uncomfortable.  If your husband loves you, he will love you no matter what size you are.  

Answer 19

to make you feel better loose some of the weight.

to make him feel better initiate more and be a little "freakier"

Answer 20

well if he loves you than he shouldnt care how much you weigh or how tall you are and if he does than hes a jerk!! and you should tell him that you wont have s*x with him any more for the rest of his life that drives men up the wall they cant resist s*x!!

Answer 21

Lose weight.  I'm not being mean, just honest, you gain weight because you take in more than you burn, its that simple.  But it takes work to get the weight off, and lets face it most people don't like work, they like miracle diets or pills.  

Funny how you kept yourself thin while you were single just to pudge up after you locked the guy in.  This why guys try to avoid marriage!

Answer 22

I got to tell you, men don't look at us the same way we see ourselves. I also had gained weight and did not want to take my clothes off, well he liked me with the extra weight. By the way  5'5" and 130lbs is NOT fat. I am 5'3" and 125lbs Which is normal for my height to weight ratio.