How do you broach the topic of a threesome to a very conservative wife?

Question

My wife is VERY conservative in the bedroom, and I really need to spice things up a little. How do I broach the topic of a threesome with her without her thinking I want to just be with other women?

Answer 1

bring in another man instead of another woman. apparently YOU are not giving her what she needs to have spice in her life.

Answer 2

You don't.  If your wife is conservative in the bedroom with you, can you imagine what it would be like on a threesome.  Forget it, you will push her further away.  You can suggest professional help, therapy or what ever but you will never make it better suggesting a threesome.  

Answer 3

Slowly break the barriers down and turn her into a wanton woman.

She will be asking YOU one.

Answer 4

Well do you just want to be with other women? How about another man in the threesome for your wife's enjoyment? Why do you want to have a threesome? What about group s*x turns you on?

You need to answer these questions for yourself, first.  Then you will be prepared to talk to your wife non-confrontationally and answer them for her too.

This is important because if your motives are truly unselfish and you really want to do this as much for her pleasure as for yours, you are going to have to talk to her in a manner that communicates that.  Because her first reaction is going to be "What?! Am I not enough for you?!"  You are going to have to communicate to her that she is and that this isn't replacement s*x, it's just additional s*x for both of you and that you have these fantasies.

That said, be aware that if she says "no" you have to accept that and not harp on her about it. You will have already planted the seed and if she is ever interested in doing it she knows you are and and she'll come back to you on it.

Also, you have to be open to the idea of a MFM threesome as well as a FMF threesome (you didn't say which one you were going to suggest so I'm just doing with the most commonly talked about variety here, the FMF).  I say this because you can't ask her to be okay with you having s*x with another woman if you are not okay with her having s*x with another man.  That is selfish, and threesomes and moresomes are about being unselfish and helping your partner fulfill their fantasies while you get to fulfill your own.  So it has to work both ways or no way at all.

For some good information about talking to your spouse about this, check-out The Swingers Board forums.

Answer 5

You don't unless you want your conservative wife to become your ex wife.  

Stop sugar coating the situation ... if you have a 3-some you will be with another woman.  

Answer 6

get drunk and crack up a joke about how you friend recently told you get had a threesome n see how she feels about it...

or you could just ask her if she has ever thought about being with women... IM SURE SHE HAS... i wish my man would ask me for a thresome LOL  

Answer 7

hiya!

you just have to be very up front with her. communication is key. if you don't think she will be receptive at least you will have been honest about your feelings and she will appreciate it! just because your perception of her is that of a conservative person, doesn't necessarily mean she will not be into it!!!

she may surprise you!!!

hope this helps!

dawn

Answer 8

No offense, but your a $%^**(*(* . If your really considering this then include another male. Maybe you will learn to respect your wife!

Answer 9

You don't, respect the kind of person she is and the values she holds near and dear to her heart including her marriage to you.

If you are bored in your marriage, then you are thinking outside the box, and maby it is time that you talk to her how you feel.

Talk to her, bring up the idea of a 3 some up, and see how she feels, then you guys can communicate your thoughts and you can really find out if she is "game" for it or not.

Communication is the key in any relationship.

Answer 10

To spice things up you want to bring in another person?  This is all you could think of?  Your prowess must be limited which could be the reason why she is conservative.  Try other things that involve just you and her.  I am telling you, if you bring up a threesome, she WILL think you want to be with other women and she will think she is inadequate, then she will probably not want to have s*x at all....I suggest you come up with something else.

Answer 11

Try a MFM threesome first

Answer 12

Visit a p**n site and discuss what you both watch on it. Even a twosome would give both of you ideas to try out. You need to talk to her about what your trying to do in your relationship in the bedroom, thats a start.

Answer 13

Maybe she is conservative because you just aren't doing it for her. I wouldn't ask her that. She might get an idea in her head for something exciting and not include you in the plan.

Answer 14

Kill yourself and leave your suggestions in a letter...better yet, make it look like an accident so the poor thing gets the insurance money - she deserves it!

Answer 15

you may have a conservative wife but how well do you know yourself deep down, if you need another person in your bed maybe you need a divorce

Answer 16

You know what? A conservative wife in the bedroom is a useless wife. I am a wife and have been for 12 years, and let me tell you I am  not conservative. If you can't be comfortable with the one you are married with, then you will not be comfortable with someone else. So a threesome will not work for her. Woman pull this conservative **** and then cry when the man has an affair to satisfy his basic needs. If it was me I would tell her you need more spice, get her act together, or I would seriously be looking for something else. If you work and provide for her and satisfy her needs, then she needs to do the same.

Answer 17

gradually - doesn't sound like a good idea to ask someone to from "very conservative" to threesome but if you really can't resist, you could come up with some little story you *read* or *heard* about, pretend to a be a "little surprised" but also "intrigued" and ask what she thinks.  

Answer 18

YOU DON'T!!!!!!

Try spicing things up within her comfort level.  

Answer 19

So you don't actually want to be with other women, you just want your wife to feel more relaxed about her sexuality and more experimental?  Bringing another woman into your bedroom is a pretty extreme first step to take to achieve this goal, which, I am sure, is motivated entirely by your concern for your wife and her sexual fulfillment. You are more likely to scare her off, possibly all the way to the divorce court.  Try a vibrator first.  

Answer 20

In my opinion there are two parts to your question and I will address them each. Your first question is how do you spice things up in your relationship with your wife? In my opinion using a threesome is probably the worst way to spice things up for a relationship that has become a bit stale. It can make you susceptible to cheating, it can bring up underlying issues in the relationship, and may have a negative impact on your relationship. Instead I would recommend trying ways to build up your relationship such as going out, planning a romantic meal, just having time to talk, or any other way the two of you can connect a bit more.

The second part of your question involves approaching the subject with your wife. First part of this involves talking to her about the idea outside of the bedroom. How can you do this? There are two basic approaches. The first approach is being indirect such as talking about talking about the show Swingtown, John Edwards reported affair, views on the 'alternative lifestyle', or what defines cheating to name just a few suggestions. As you talk about it indirectly using her feedback and building up communication on the subject so that you can ask her directly. Advantage to this approach is you can use her feedback to know how to approach about the subject and you can abort the discussion if needed without getting her too upset. Disadvantage is she may figure out you are leading up to the discussion of having a threesome and may become upset with you. So, you need to decide how to pace the discussion and what to discuss in order to avoid upsetting her.

My preferred approach is the second approach which involves being direct and honest. Let her know that you love her, care about her, and you feel as though you would like to try a threesome. Ask her what her feelings are on the subject. Then discuss and plan from there. Advantage is you are being honest and you are heading off any fears she may have. Disadvantage is you need to be prepared from any reaction which includes having your suggestion received warmly to an angry outburst.

In order to answer your question it is my opinion you need to understand your partner and how to approach her about the idea. Be prepared to be honest about your feelings and reasons for wanting a threesome. Also be prepared for any reaction from her. Take it slow, do not pressure her into having a threesome, and make sure you talk about boundaries. Remember you do not get a medal for how fast you can have a threesome after suggesting the idea but your relationship may fail if you push her into it. So it is better to love her for who she is than to push her into something that she does not want.

In conclusion my recommendation if you are successful with your discussions would be to try a mfm threesome, not a fmf. Reason being there are a lot more males interested in having a threesome than females. This means you can be more selective, you do have more choice, and your time to search for an available probably is significantly less than if you chose a female. Also a mfm threesome may be less threatening to your wife and more pleasurable for especially if she is straight with no interest in other women. Finally it is quite possible to have a mfm that is completely straight. I have had a few mfm with my wife and we are still married, nearly 20 years.

I wish you the best and hope it goes well for you.