How do you combat passive aggressive behaviour within yourself ?

Question

i was bullied and victimised excessively throughout my life.....made to feel bad about myself and who iam countless times..

i regret to say throughout my life and growing up, i never stood up to my oppressors , bullies and victimisers because i was afraid to.

i deeply regret this.

imnow 30 with BPD and ptsd, i live in a 1 bedroom flat on disability, ive felt controlled and intimidated all my life....felt afraid to assert myself.

ive never ever formed any relationships what so ever in life so far, ive been a loner for all my life now....suffered extreme low self esteem and still do.

years ago i used to have rage outbursts regularley in public, where i used to publically embarress myself and be humiliated by my actions........i would lash out....knock people over.....be attacked by thugs...laughed at.....ostracised by many people etc.

i regret this but it came from pent up anger all the years i endured physical and mental bullying.

a lot of times in my life ive displayed mis directed anger, become very aggressive.

i manage rage very well for years now, and im waiting for psychotherapy.

i still struggle with rage though....feel extremely angry when somebody condescends me or makes me feel bad about myself.

im passive aggressive.....display misdirected anger.....get togue tied....afraid to assert myself with controling strong personalities who are domineering.

for example my step father was very controlling and domineering...ive spent my life afraid to assert myself with him......and ive always felt controlled by him..

struggle to voice my true feelings for fear of his reaction.

this has lead me to having feelings like i want to smash his skull apart with a heavy steel bar viciously.

to batter his skull open or apart while clenching my teeth and slathering.

i hate him and no if he tried to domineer me again i would do him untold severe damage that would make him wish he was never brought to existance..

how do i break this passive aggressive pattern ive had all my life and be strong and confident and assertive ?

ive always been rejected because my severe low self esteem, and never been in any relationships..

at 30, im starting from scratch in life with nothing

Answer 1

you post the same thing time after time after time ... same advice as the countless other times youve posted the same thing

im guessing you also try to tell people you know all of this aswell ... ( would you like to be around some one who was constantly whining about how terrible their life was? ).. a lot of folk have rough lifes some a lot worse than yours but they get on with life and dont use it as an excuse to behave as they want too .. stop finding excuses and get over yourself, believe it or not people dont owe you anything they are not put on this earth to offer you anything, life does not owe you anything ... anything achieved in life has to be earned.

i doubt that you are actually looking for advice or help... merely looking for some one to agree with you that its ok to wallow in your own self pity and looking for folk to feel sorry for you... i say this because of the amount of posts saying the exact same things over and over again ... also by the answers you pick...

news flash ... as youve been told time and time again its not ok to wallow in self pity...

stop being so agressive to people and they will react better towards you... stop walking around with a chip on your shoulder...start thinking not of what others can or should do for you but what you can do for them. start focusing on the good things in life. stop blameing others or situations or disorders for your own short comings... your lack of education is something you can choose to remedy... your anger to the world is something you can choose to remedy... your selfishness is something you can choose to remedy ( quote ... i have no one except my aging ill mother......who cant do much for me no more... err why should she be expected to do anything for you????) your teeth is something you can choose to remedy...

get a dentist enroll in night classes learn some anger managment find a hobby, exersise ( this can be done at home initially if it makes you more comftable ) do some charity work, and buy your poor mum some flowers or make her a thank you card.

your life is something that you consistantly choose... and untill you choose to accept actual real advice and make changes it will continue the same as its always been. stop looking for vindication of your behaviour and start looking at how to change it. stop feeling so sorry for yourself and take steps to make changes

im guessing that once again you will choose to listen to folk that offer you the pity and the vindication your looking for instead of an answer that actually gives you some wake up and smell the roses, constructive advice

Answer 2

Go to a therapist and try cognitive behavior therapy

Answer 3

how many times r going to post the same question? u need to face it no matter what anyone tells u on here, is not going to make any difference to u, people have given u lots of advice and u r not prepared to listen, find a group that deals with Bpd, or depression, get in touch with victims support, u have to look and help yourself, otherwise u will get nowhere!

beleive it or not there r people who have been through the things u have and recovered it is possible, knowledge is power, go to ur local library learn about ur condition, learn how to change, because u can, u just have to believe u can!