How do you compromise?

Question

Spouse 1 hates drinking, doesnt like it when the other person drinks as when they met them, spouse 2 said they didnt drink at all

Spouse 2 now says they want to go out drinking with their friends once in a while

Spouse 1 says no to nightclubs but will be okay with pubs, etc, that spouses shouldnt be in nightclubs without their spouse, its for single people

Spouse 2 says thats controlling etc

How do you compromise?

Answer 1

Everyone stays home and gets drunk together.

Answer 2

i think the "no night club" rule IS a compromise. The spouse is allowed to go to pubs. I agree that nightclubs are just a meat market and a married person going to one without their spouse is asking for trouble.

Answer 3

They don't need to be together people who do not drink and don't like drinkers never will a person who doesn't drink doesn't like a slurring idiot and that is what people who drink turn into. Drinking leads to problems this will get worst and destroy the marriage if spouse 2 drinks. Drinkers need to be with drinkers that is what it boils down to.

Answer 4

Spouse 1 is being unreasonable. Why would anyone "hate" drinking?

Answer 5

I agree with Spouse 1 actually. Spouse 1 says no drinking, Spouse 2 says they want to drink. Spouse 1 says ok, just no night clubs but drinking is okay. Well there is your compromise right there!!! I think Spouse 2 is selfish if they don't see the compromise. It seems like they don't want a compromise, they want it their way.

Why would a happily married person want to visit a night club anyway? I have had no desire to go to a club since I've been ENGAGED let alone married.

Answer 6

1 has to realize that people make their own decisions.. 2 needs to think if it is worth building the wall between them.. I think going to clubs and such is dangerous ground..

"if you hang out at the barber shop, pretty soon your hair will get cut"

each person has to realize what is important to them.. they cannot try to hold back the other person..they will regret it and rebel.. it is hard, but you have to trust they will chose the right thing.. it sounds like "they" are young and still learning who each person is.. this takes time and can be painful and rewarding.. if you let "2" "see the world", they will probably come back to you and be even more grateful.. if they don't come back, it would have failed anyways..  

Answer 7

You have to let your spouse have freedom - you can't control every move they make, especially in terms of hanging out with their friends. If there's trust in this relationship, going to a club shouldn't be a problem. So what if it's a majority of single people? That doesn't mean your spouse will cheat on you. Loosen up a bit and don't worry so much - you'll be better off.

Answer 8

I have to agree with spouse 1 clubs are not a scene or married people who are not there with there spouse. I mean whats wrong with hanging out with your friends at a pub or bar or anything like that. Why is it that spouse 2 feels the need to go to a club to drink. With all honesty its sounds to me like spouse 2 has not yet grown up and is obviously not TOTALLY happy with his relationship.  

Answer 9

Tell Spouse 1 to take the leash off of Spouse 2's neck and live a bit.  Spouse 2 is stressed out and needs to be able to live life.  SO WHAT spouse 1 likes to drink, as long as they do it responsibly, I don't see a problem at all.  Then for Spouse 1 to tell them WHERE...OMG...possessive and controlling.  Sounds like some serious trust issues are at stake.  Seek counseling

Answer 10

You have no choice really unless you want to tie spouse 2 in a chair.  Let spouse 2 have their drinking and freedom, and see how that works out.  Maybe spouse 2 won't find it to be so much fun in the long run.  Hangovers suck.