How do you continue a relationship after cheating????

Question

My fiance cheated and I just founf out last night. I feel so lost and empty inside. I cant eat or sleep and I just fell this sick feeling in my stomach and heart. hes a wonderful man though and weve been through so much and a son. He really wants to continue and says that he will do whatever to reassure me that he is doing the right thing. My heart aches and my belly hurts and I just dont know how to even continue something like this. Ladies that have been through this, how do you make it work? Can you rebuild trust? Is once a cheater always a cheater? What can I expect> SHould I stay and work it out because I really love him and see a future, or should I just leave because I dont know if I can emotionally handle being intimate and trusting him again?

Answer 1

Don't stay with him... If he could cheat on you then he obviously doesn't love you as much as you love him. There is NO excuse for a cheater, once a cheater always a cheater! If you stay with him I don't think you will ever be able to trust him again, I mean every time he is out you are going to be thinking.. what is he doing, where is at, who is he with. I'm sure that's not what you want in a relationship... I mean you guys have a kid together, and he still cheated, he wasn't thinking about you or your kid. Just himself. he made the decision to cheat, now its your time to make the decision to move on!!

Answer 2

im really sorry about him cheating. you have to trust your instincts on weather to stay with him or not. but you have to work through it. keep a distance and make sure he understands and knows what he did was wrong. its sort of like starting from scratch after someone cheated. but just let him know how hurt you are and remember all you need to do is communicate and try to find a way to resolve the problem. but you should take some time and keep your space until you feel better and get over what happened...

good luck!

Answer 3

This really sucks and I feel really bad for you. First of all, kick him out. If you two are living together, he needs to go away for a while so you can think about things. Too bad if it is tough on him, he needs to find a cheap apartment or hotel to stay at and go away. He can sleep on a (male) friend's couch if the money is an issue. He should have no contact with you (except to tell you where he is going to be staying) for at least 2 weeks. Really, 2 weeks isn't that long, so I wouldn't even worry about him seeing his son that much. If you can, I'd even send the son to a relative's house for a week or so (for a fun vacation! Yay!) so I could get myself a little straightened out.

After that, you can decide if you want to start over with him again. You need to find out why he cheated and how it happened (was it someone he knows, someone at work, or some random encounter). Then you can decide if you want to even try to work things out with him.

You will have to start over - start dating again. Do not let him move back in at least for several months. He will always be a part of your life because of your son, but the two of you do not have to be together.

In a month make sure he goes in for testing for STD's and HIV. Make him show you the paperwork that states he is clear of any diseases!

Good luck.

Answer 4

I can't imagine how exactly I would feel but I can tell you this. If I would decide to work it out, I would go veryyy slowly with him. I think that it would be as if we were dating again. And I would ask him about WHY exactly he cheated. If he didn't apologize solemnly there's no way I'd take him back. I would require a full explanation, and we would talk about how to prevent something like that from happening again in the future. (i.e. I need to spend more free time with him or whatever.) If I felt the need to, I would go to couple's therapy with him.. it would depend on how overwhelmed I would feel.

If I decided to break it off with him completely, it would be because I would feel like he would do it again. I think that you know your guy best and you should decide for yourself whether you think that you can rebuild trust with him. If you're not sure, perhaps ask your friend or your family member that knows him for their advice. They've probably seen how he's treated you etc.

Good luck to you.

Answer 5

I cant say that you must stay,but sometimes they do change and they dont cheat again...i can promise it will be an emotional roller-coaster if you stay....if you do decide to stay...you should tell yourself that you made the choice and you cant keep punishing him for it,if you are,then you might as well leave now...so it all depends on you...are you willing to not put him on a guilt trip everytime?do you love him enough to stay with him after that? are you willing to put your heart on the line for this man?you have to be sure of your decision coz if you let him go...its over and if you keep him...the only way your relationshi is going to survive is if his open and honest with you and that shouldnt be a problem if he has nothing to hide...dont be ridiculous about it and want him to have a log book of some soughts(you know what i mean) also you need to forgive and move forward because if you not ging to and you going to allow yourself to be miserable and make him miserable...ill tell you now you will make your child miserable...so only do what you know you can handle...GOOD LUCK!!!

Answer 6

The biggest question here is wether or not you think you can ever trust him again..there really isnt any point to any relationship if there is lack of trust.

If you are really prepared to give it a go I think the only way to rebuild the trust is by professional counselling- on your own for a start to help you deal with the betrayal and your own feelings, and to build up your strength to deal with counselling together.

I think you will find you have your answer from him when you ask him to go relationship counselling, if he says no,then you will know he is not worth hanging round for. If he says yes then at least you know you have one more shot at making it work.  

Answer 7

go get some counseling. I don't think once a cheater always a cheater. If you really love this man you should try to work it out. He has to earn your trust again, I didn't say my it easy for him. It's going to hurt for a while I'm not going to lie to  you but it do easier.

Answer 8

First i want to say i am sorry you are going through this. secondly i want to let you know that once someone breaks your trust it is very very hard to forget. you may forgive but it will always be in the back of your mind. everything he does your going to wonder what hes doing, who he is with, and if he is telling the truth. it is up to you if u want to continue the relationship. if you think u can handle those thoughts everyday for the rest of your life, then honey i wish u guys the best. if u do decide to continue on with the relationship dont let him off so easy. let him know he hurt you beyond hurt, and that he is going to have to start from scratch and not only gain your trust back but heal your heart. i wish u the best in whatever u decide to do and i hope everything turns out for the best. :-)

Answer 9

Hey girl. First of all let me say that I am so sorry this happened to you. How did you find out? Did he admit it or did you catch him? If he admitted it, then at the very least he must really feel horrible (and he should), so don't show any sympathy. He needs to know that there are consequences and he cannot continue this behavior. In my opinion, people cheat a lot more often than we would all like to believe, and most of the time it truly has nothing to do with how much they love their significant other. That said, best case scenario just give it time. Things will be rocky, but if the love is really there you guys will work it out. Give him a chance to prove himself and if he does you will come out of this stronger. In the meantime, try to keep your chin up. Hang with your girls, do your own thing. Show him that you are a strong and independent lady that can survive with or without him, and make him realize how lucky he is to have you. Nothing can make you hurt less, but you can either live without someone or you can't. Only you guys can decide that.  

Answer 10

You can't. He's proved he is not a wonderful man. Dump his sorry *** if you have any self respect

Answer 11

I've had this happen to me as well. My ex and I were together for 4 years when he cheated on me. It's a horrible awful feeling and it makes you just fall apart inside. I was young at the time (about 20) and decided that I would stay. It was extremely hard on me. I gave it my all, and tried to make it work. We did end up staying together for an additional 4 years. During the second half of our relationship, I had constant questions in the back of my mind. It wasn't any fun, but I tried my best to not let it eat me alive. Meanwhile, my ex seemed all happy and content. It caused me to feel resentful of him. Why did I have to suffer for something he did while he's all happy-go-lucky? It was HARD. We wound up falling apart and I broke up with him about 2 years ago. It was the best decision I ever made. It felt like a weight had been lifted off of me. I will never ever ever stay with a cheater again.

However, only YOU can make this decision. My advice to you is to seperate from him for the time being, and take some time out to truly think. Marriage is a huge commitment, so you want to be absolutely sure that it's right.  

Answer 12

i can tell you that if he did it once he is going to do it again.

no matter how much you try  you cant change somebody.

my  dad cheated on my mom over and over again and every time he begged her to stay and said he wouldn't do it again but he always did.

Answer 13

A wonderful man wouldn't cheat on you. I can empathize, but cannot fully comprehend how you must feel. I am truly sorry for his betrayal. I would find it difficult to trust my fiance' again if he ever cheated, and even more difficult to continue. It is often true that cheaters will often cheat again and again, but not always. How did you find out? If he told you, and is profusely sorry I would consider talking openly with him about this painful subject. Ask him why he would cheat, what he was thinking, and if he still loves you. If his answers suit, then I would consider going about things slowly as if you are meeting for the first time, and starting to date. If your instincts tell you to leave, leave. Don't ever ignore that little voice, but if you feel deep in our soul that he could possibly stay faithful after this, consider giving him another chance. trust is the easiest thing to break and the hardest thing to build (a K. Hunter quote). It can be rebuilt...It just take a lot of time and patience. Don't be intimate with him until you are ready, if you ever are, and even then have him tested. If he was intimate with you after the fact, you should be tested too. If you give it another go, attend couples' counseling as it can do wonders for a relationship.